Wednesday, November 14, 2007

No More Koda's

I had a pretty good day at work yesterday... The drive home wasn't bad, but anytime you have to commute for more than a half hour it's not good either.

Pulling into the street, I see that my wife's friend has decided that my side of the driveway looks like a good spot to park - which means I get to move my car before going to bed.

I open the door of the house and am greeted with a cacophony of screaming mutant kids. There are 5 of them ranging in age from 7 down to 1. There is one other in the TV room, but he can't walk yet. So 5 of them are running around the stairs, sometimes in the same direction, sometimes in opposite directions, all times screaming at the tops of their lungs. Then they run over and jump on the new couches. My stress level approaches 8 out of 10 - It was 2 when I walked in.

Walk into the kitchen. It's trashed and they've left the milk out - again. Look down into the TV room to see wife and the friend. Kind of get a wave from the wife, who kind of pauses in the conversation but not really. Turn the laptop on. Looks like the kids have been playing on it again, and one of them had some candy... 9 out of 10.

I haven't eaten all day... There's no food - well there are some rolls, but the kids left those out too - so they're kind of stale. Grab a couple, smother butter on them... Stress level back to 8, 7. Kids run in screaming. 3 year old and 1 year old run into each other. The playful screaming is now mixed with 2 of them crying and screamin from pain. 7, 8, 9, 10. I calm them down, hand off the 1 year old to the wife. She tells me she wants to take care of a Church thing tonight. Church not high on list of things I care about right now, but I need to stay out of the dog house. "Sure!!"

Went back to laptop. Pull up the page for my health insurance. Click the provider list. Look up Urologists. Damn programmer did a lousy job programming the search feature. Finally find a list of urologists in Ogden. Find the one recommended by my buddy a year ago. Dial the number, walk up stairs, and hit Talk. Phone rings, automated voice tells me which buttons to push.

Little voice inside says "Are you sure?". Door to my bedroom flies open. Kids run in screaming. Kids see my face. Kids run out screaming in terror. Door slams. "Yes, I'm bloody sure!!!" Sweet nurse answers the phone. I'm sickly sweet in return. No openings till February. That's OK, I think I may just go celibate until then, just to make sure. Appointment Scheduled.

I go down stairs, give the wife the thumbs up, and then show the phone and make a scissor type motion with my other hand. She smiles - FINALLY.

Yep, not planning on any more little Koda's in this household.


  1. You've got 4 of your own, right? That's plenty - any more and your head may actually explode :)

  2. Actually my head may explode with the four I have already...

    Actually we've decided that 2 is the perfect number - Found that out 2 kids too late, and wouldn't give either of them up for the world, so we'll keep 'em!

  3. Cripes. You're really going to have it done then? Good for you, Kodaman. I asked my husband if he would consider it - he said NO without hesitation. LOL. I read your post about all your chillun and half expected them to leap out of the computer monitor.
    Man, they is lively!!!

  4. I am going to do it!! I think men are scared it diminishes them as men somehow - However 4 kids have diminished my life as far as it can go.

    Besides, it's easier for men to do, and after the wife went through all the pain of child birth, it's the least I can do - That's what I tell her anyway!

  5. My husband got snipped when our second was four months old. He likes to say that the two best things we ever did were have the kids, and stop having the kids. And like you, he said that after everything I went through to get the kids, this was the least he could do. They're 6 and 2 now. No regrets!

  6. I heard a good Bill Cosby quote over the weekend... When asked why he had 5 kids, he said... Because we didn't want 6! And then he launched into the horrific effect which the kids had on his wife... Classic stuff and all too true!