I've heard it said that Halloween is just a chance for girls to dress like sluts.
That may be true, but if it is, then I have two questions...
1. Why does this not happen in my neighborhood?
2. If it does, would you mind stopping by the Koda house to trick-or-treat tomorrow night?
Comment with a link to a picture of your costume, or email me at THE_WEB_MASTER at urbankoda.com with a picture, and if it's appropriate, I'll make sure you have my address.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Halloween Report
Folks, I'm afraid Lt. Dangle was unable to make an appearance this year... I've been kinda swamped with work, and though I did try, all the places I looked had neither a short, wavy blond wig, nor a mustache.
But let me vow that at this time next year, I will have grown out my hair (It's currently buzzed due to race season.) and I shall grow facial hair, both of which I shall have bleached the day before Halloween, and Gosh Dang it, I am going to win the costume contest at work next year!
So, instead, out of options, I went to work as Road Kill today. White stripes adorned the left side of my entirely black outfit to make the road, while on the right a small stuffed skunk toy was taped to my shirt with tire imprinted red duct tape.
About half the people who saw me figured it out, and even then it still seemed kinda lame.
Anyway, so while young Ms. Morgan Mouse is likely relieved that I did not inflict myself upon the world in a police belt and teeny weeny shorts, I feel like I need to offer the rest of you some kind of consolation.
I found the following video on another blog.
It's an active, practicing Mormon girl who is also a comedian... As I started watching, I was wondering if non-mormons would even find this funny. It's always a little tricky with stuff like Mormon comedy, since many of the jokes are the inside kind.
Folks, have no fear however...
If you watch the video, you may find the first part funny, or you may not...
You need to get through it though to get to the end.
I don't care if you're gay, straight, atheist, Jehovah's Witness or some confused Islmo-fascist....
You will literally laugh your arse off watching this video...
But let me vow that at this time next year, I will have grown out my hair (It's currently buzzed due to race season.) and I shall grow facial hair, both of which I shall have bleached the day before Halloween, and Gosh Dang it, I am going to win the costume contest at work next year!
So, instead, out of options, I went to work as Road Kill today. White stripes adorned the left side of my entirely black outfit to make the road, while on the right a small stuffed skunk toy was taped to my shirt with tire imprinted red duct tape.
About half the people who saw me figured it out, and even then it still seemed kinda lame.
Anyway, so while young Ms. Morgan Mouse is likely relieved that I did not inflict myself upon the world in a police belt and teeny weeny shorts, I feel like I need to offer the rest of you some kind of consolation.
I found the following video on another blog.
It's an active, practicing Mormon girl who is also a comedian... As I started watching, I was wondering if non-mormons would even find this funny. It's always a little tricky with stuff like Mormon comedy, since many of the jokes are the inside kind.
Folks, have no fear however...
If you watch the video, you may find the first part funny, or you may not...
You need to get through it though to get to the end.
I don't care if you're gay, straight, atheist, Jehovah's Witness or some confused Islmo-fascist....
You will literally laugh your arse off watching this video...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Some Give and Take
OK folks, after wrapping up humour/humor week on Being the Urban Koda, I wanted to get your advice...
I've actually enjoyed trying to focus on the lighter side of life over the past week, and I'm hoping you've enjoyed the break from the political and religious rantings of a man who may not be completely emotionally and mentally stable. Hey - even my own parents have suggested that I seek professional help!
So here's what I want to know... My intent was to make this blog fairly light and comical and to relegate my cynical rantings and critical observations to my other blog - The Koda Think Tank. From time to time however, content from that blog creeps over to this one. Do you like it when that happens, or do you think I try and keep this blog clear of any part of that?
All suggestions and advise are welcome...
Next, if I may offer some advice to the Republican Party and perhaps to Conservatives in general. I've been noticing political bumper stickers over the past few weeks from last years election. Utah may be one of the few states where sporting a bumper sticker in support of the candidate who lost a past election may be seen as a badge of honor.
I've noticed there are two main types of bumper sticker out there...
1 - The Pro Obama type of bumber sticker (Somewhat rare in Utah, but you can find them)
2 - The Anti Obama type of bumber sticker (Actually very prevalent in Utah)
To an outsider it might appear as though there was only really one choice in the election last year and it was a yes or no vote. Do you want Obama or don't you?
I think the problem with Mr. Obama's opponents... Who was it again... Oh yeah, old man McCain and his yappy little 'maverick' lap dog from Alaska. Anyway, the problem was that they didn't really stand for anything. Their entire platform was "I'm not Obama", "Obama is a black, marxist, socialist" and "Obama's really a citizen of the Country of Africa". Of course there were the lesser issues, of "I was a POW" and "Everyone's being mean to poor 'I can see Russia from my house' Pallin". But that was about the extent of their campaign.
My advise to Conservatives...
1 - Get a backbone, and figure out what you stand for and than try actually standing for it. Your previous candidate ran on a platform of building the economy and fiscal responsibility, and just like Larry Craig's stated heterosexual preferences, that turned out to be a huge freakin' joke - or it would be if he hadn't racked up the deficit like a 13 year old girl with a stolen credit card.
2 - Quit being so damn whiny.
3 - Quit with the dirty politics.
4 - Quit pandering to your buddies who hide their corruption behind big money bribes/lobbying.
5 - Actually read the Constitution and apply it equally to you and the other side.
I see the Conservative platform as one which would embrace freedom. It's about lower taxes, less government spending and opposed to corporate and government corruption. In many ways I really, really would like to support something like that.
Why don't you start trying to be a positive catalyst for change! Instead of deriding change as some pernicious evil.
My idea's may be a little far fetched for most of the party, but lets be honest here guys... What you've got going right now, obviously doesn't work!!
I've actually enjoyed trying to focus on the lighter side of life over the past week, and I'm hoping you've enjoyed the break from the political and religious rantings of a man who may not be completely emotionally and mentally stable. Hey - even my own parents have suggested that I seek professional help!
So here's what I want to know... My intent was to make this blog fairly light and comical and to relegate my cynical rantings and critical observations to my other blog - The Koda Think Tank. From time to time however, content from that blog creeps over to this one. Do you like it when that happens, or do you think I try and keep this blog clear of any part of that?
All suggestions and advise are welcome...
Next, if I may offer some advice to the Republican Party and perhaps to Conservatives in general. I've been noticing political bumper stickers over the past few weeks from last years election. Utah may be one of the few states where sporting a bumper sticker in support of the candidate who lost a past election may be seen as a badge of honor.
I've noticed there are two main types of bumper sticker out there...
1 - The Pro Obama type of bumber sticker (Somewhat rare in Utah, but you can find them)
2 - The Anti Obama type of bumber sticker (Actually very prevalent in Utah)
To an outsider it might appear as though there was only really one choice in the election last year and it was a yes or no vote. Do you want Obama or don't you?
I think the problem with Mr. Obama's opponents... Who was it again... Oh yeah, old man McCain and his yappy little 'maverick' lap dog from Alaska. Anyway, the problem was that they didn't really stand for anything. Their entire platform was "I'm not Obama", "Obama is a black, marxist, socialist" and "Obama's really a citizen of the Country of Africa". Of course there were the lesser issues, of "I was a POW" and "Everyone's being mean to poor 'I can see Russia from my house' Pallin". But that was about the extent of their campaign.
My advise to Conservatives...
1 - Get a backbone, and figure out what you stand for and than try actually standing for it. Your previous candidate ran on a platform of building the economy and fiscal responsibility, and just like Larry Craig's stated heterosexual preferences, that turned out to be a huge freakin' joke - or it would be if he hadn't racked up the deficit like a 13 year old girl with a stolen credit card.
2 - Quit being so damn whiny.
3 - Quit with the dirty politics.
4 - Quit pandering to your buddies who hide their corruption behind big money bribes/lobbying.
5 - Actually read the Constitution and apply it equally to you and the other side.
I see the Conservative platform as one which would embrace freedom. It's about lower taxes, less government spending and opposed to corporate and government corruption. In many ways I really, really would like to support something like that.
Why don't you start trying to be a positive catalyst for change! Instead of deriding change as some pernicious evil.
My idea's may be a little far fetched for most of the party, but lets be honest here guys... What you've got going right now, obviously doesn't work!!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Oui Oui!!
I don't usually post anything on Friday's but.. Gosh Dang it, I thought this was awesome...
I'm thinking I want to be French!
I'm thinking I want to be French!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
True Story
I have a friend from my tri club who owns his own car wash business.
He posted this on Facebook last night...
So this old man at the carwash is complaining that the $5 wash doesn't include the dryers at the end. He says and I quote "For $5 I wanted a blow job too like the one by my house." I immediately say "I'm not sure of the going... rates, but I think that will cost substantially more than $5 around here."
He then followed up with....
I was amazed. I held a straight face the whole time. He didn't get what he was saying for 20-30 seconds then just turned and drove away.
I'm still killing myself laughing over the whole thing... However if that didn't get you going, try this one on... It's not a true story - at least not that I'm aware of, but all credit goes to my good friend E for the find...
He posted this on Facebook last night...
So this old man at the carwash is complaining that the $5 wash doesn't include the dryers at the end. He says and I quote "For $5 I wanted a blow job too like the one by my house." I immediately say "I'm not sure of the going... rates, but I think that will cost substantially more than $5 around here."
He then followed up with....
I was amazed. I held a straight face the whole time. He didn't get what he was saying for 20-30 seconds then just turned and drove away.
I'm still killing myself laughing over the whole thing... However if that didn't get you going, try this one on... It's not a true story - at least not that I'm aware of, but all credit goes to my good friend E for the find...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Time - Bombs and Travel
Mrs Koda went shopping on Monday and as part of the weekly groceries grabbed herself a box of FiberOne chewy bars - the Chocolate flavored variety. Or so she thought....
On arriving home and putting them away, she realized that she had in fact purchased the Chocolate Mocha variety.
Just to share a little background here... I love the taste and smell of coffee. It brings back good memories from events in my past, and, but for one reason I would hang a bag of freshly roasted beans in my car. That one reason is...
Mrs Koda, intensely dislikes the smell of coffee, and on the few occasions that she's tried a coffee flavored foodstuff, she has not enjoyed it at all.
I found out about this last night, when I arrived home from a particularly strenuous workout at the track and had the munchies...
I was offered the FiberOne Chocolate Mocha flavored bars. If I may say, they are absolutely delicious. In addition to all kinds of tasty and chewy ingredients, they also have 9g of dietary fiber, which amounts to 35% of the recommended daily amount.
That was a little over 12 hours ago, and currently there is only one remaining bar in a box which originally held 5. I should add too that my diet over the last 12 hours has included a fair amount of fiber from other sources too.
Folks, there is a ticking time bomb in my stomach right now...
On an unrelated front, I have discovered a way to time travel! I can only do jumps of between 5 and 10 minutes and only in one direction. I'm hoping to find a way to travel in the other direction. Either way, you can expect a full report on it from me tomorrow.
On arriving home and putting them away, she realized that she had in fact purchased the Chocolate Mocha variety.
Just to share a little background here... I love the taste and smell of coffee. It brings back good memories from events in my past, and, but for one reason I would hang a bag of freshly roasted beans in my car. That one reason is...
Mrs Koda, intensely dislikes the smell of coffee, and on the few occasions that she's tried a coffee flavored foodstuff, she has not enjoyed it at all.
I found out about this last night, when I arrived home from a particularly strenuous workout at the track and had the munchies...
I was offered the FiberOne Chocolate Mocha flavored bars. If I may say, they are absolutely delicious. In addition to all kinds of tasty and chewy ingredients, they also have 9g of dietary fiber, which amounts to 35% of the recommended daily amount.
That was a little over 12 hours ago, and currently there is only one remaining bar in a box which originally held 5. I should add too that my diet over the last 12 hours has included a fair amount of fiber from other sources too.
Folks, there is a ticking time bomb in my stomach right now...
On an unrelated front, I have discovered a way to time travel! I can only do jumps of between 5 and 10 minutes and only in one direction. I'm hoping to find a way to travel in the other direction. Either way, you can expect a full report on it from me tomorrow.
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
Just another service brought to you by the Urban Koda. Today's challenge is to complete at least one of these, and report!
- At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down
- Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
- Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
- Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
- Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
- In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
- Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
- Don't Use Any Punctuation
- As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
- Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.
- Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
- Sing Along At The Opera.
- Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
- Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
- Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.
- Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name "Rock Hard".
- When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
- When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
- Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
311 Posts
Aside from being a slacker and missing a post yesterday, I also realized that the Halloween related posted was #311. Now you many not see the significance of such a number, but believe me... It's SIGNIFICANT!
Why you may ask....?
Why you may ask....?
Monday, October 19, 2009
Halloween Idea...
So I didn't get a whole lot of help from my huge population of readers on the Halloween Costume question - although I do appreciate both of you reading :-)
I've had an idea though...
Click Here
What do you think?
I've had an idea though...
Click Here
What do you think?
The Power of a Dollar
I know it's humor/humour week, and while this was a sad and frustrating experience, I share it with you in the hopes that someone may be able to find some glimmer of joy in the face of my misfortune...
On Friday night we rented a couple of movies from RedBox. For those who are unaware, it's an automatic DVD rental system. The deal is that you pay a dollar a day for the movie, and you get to keep it until 9pm.
My initial experience with RedBox some years ago was pretty bad, but I've lightened up recently, mostly due to the fact that it's one of the few options left for people who like to rent movies.
Anyway, so Friday night, among a couple of other movies, we rented the Eddie Murphy movie - Imagine That.
Friday night, while the wife and I started watching our movie, the kids started watching this one. Kid #4 however didn't want to share a couch with Kid #3, who then irritated Kid #1, so he threw a fit, which upset Kid #2, who started to cry and throw a fit, and yada, yada, yada, I ended up shutting it all down and sending them to bed.
Saturday we didn't get home until close to midnight - me and wifey had a wee date to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and Sunday, it just didn't happen either.
So tonight, being Monday, I declared to be FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT. It started off rough. I ended up on a quick bike ride with my gym buddy, and then there was dinner, topped off with apple pie (part of the reason we missed the movie last night).
Finally at about 7pm we got things rolling. A couple of interruptions here and there, and by the time it was 8:50pm it looked like things were about to wrap up. I waited by the DVD Player with my shoes on, and car keys at the ready.
8:56pm the movie finished and as the credits started rolling, I hit eject, grabbed the disc and snapped it into the case I was holding open at the ready, and proceeded to fly downstairs, into my car and off to the Gas Station, which has a RedBox system in front of it.
8:58pm, I pulled up in front of the machine, left it running, lights on and all and ran over to the machine.
RebBox uses a touch screen to control the system. I should also point out that it was raining pretty hard, and I can now state with fair certainty that touch screens do not work when wet!
I tried drying the screen with my sleeve - which is still wet as I type, but to no avail.
Realizing I was up a creek, with less than a minute to go, I ran back to the car, slid out of the parking lot (Literally) and gunned the engine to fly over to Walmart. In case you were wondering, I drive a 95 Geo Prizm, with a 1.8 liter engine. And that little engine was squealing with all 23.3 horsepower it has.
8:59, I arrive in the Walmart parking lot, courtesy of a light which turned green right when I needed it to.
Now having to lock the doors, I lost valuable seconds, but then ran as fast as I could into the store, narrowly missing being hit by a car, and completely soaking my shoes as I ran through the big puddle in front of the store.
I flew by the Walmart greeter, "Hi, Howzit going!" and whilst trying not to slip on the floor, sprinted like Usain Bolt for the RedBox machine.
And as luck would have it, someone was there first.
Lets see, should I get this movie? Let me read the synopsis... Hmmmm... No let's look at the next page.... Oh, that one looks good... Is there someone breathing heavily behind me?
He turns and looks at me, gives me a crusty and returns to what he is doing....
Let's see, perhaps I could try searching by Genre... Oh let's look at this video... ooops, clicked the wrong one, better go back... Ooops back to far... Now, how did I get to that one again...
I'm torn... Part of me wants to strangle the guy.. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!! MAKE A DECISION ALREADY!!! And the rest of me, is slowly accepting the fact that I'm going to have to pay another dollar ( plus tax ) for the privilege of standing here, while Mr. I Can't decide what movie to get MAKES UP HIS FREAKING MIND!!!!
Finally I think he picks a movie, slowly reaches for his wallet, scans his card and completes his transaction.
I return my movie at 9:03pm. Slowly walking out of Walmart, wishing the greeter a good night. Slowly jog through the ran, not even bothering to avoid the puddle, and commence my drive of shame home...
All because I was trying to save a lousy dollar, which apparently lost even more value on the world market today...
On the plus side, I would recommend Imagine That. Eddie Murphy does a great job, and it really makes you think about your priorities, but in a good way! I need to get me some princesses!!
On Friday night we rented a couple of movies from RedBox. For those who are unaware, it's an automatic DVD rental system. The deal is that you pay a dollar a day for the movie, and you get to keep it until 9pm.
My initial experience with RedBox some years ago was pretty bad, but I've lightened up recently, mostly due to the fact that it's one of the few options left for people who like to rent movies.
Anyway, so Friday night, among a couple of other movies, we rented the Eddie Murphy movie - Imagine That.
Friday night, while the wife and I started watching our movie, the kids started watching this one. Kid #4 however didn't want to share a couch with Kid #3, who then irritated Kid #1, so he threw a fit, which upset Kid #2, who started to cry and throw a fit, and yada, yada, yada, I ended up shutting it all down and sending them to bed.
Saturday we didn't get home until close to midnight - me and wifey had a wee date to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and Sunday, it just didn't happen either.
So tonight, being Monday, I declared to be FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT. It started off rough. I ended up on a quick bike ride with my gym buddy, and then there was dinner, topped off with apple pie (part of the reason we missed the movie last night).
Finally at about 7pm we got things rolling. A couple of interruptions here and there, and by the time it was 8:50pm it looked like things were about to wrap up. I waited by the DVD Player with my shoes on, and car keys at the ready.
8:56pm the movie finished and as the credits started rolling, I hit eject, grabbed the disc and snapped it into the case I was holding open at the ready, and proceeded to fly downstairs, into my car and off to the Gas Station, which has a RedBox system in front of it.
8:58pm, I pulled up in front of the machine, left it running, lights on and all and ran over to the machine.
RebBox uses a touch screen to control the system. I should also point out that it was raining pretty hard, and I can now state with fair certainty that touch screens do not work when wet!
I tried drying the screen with my sleeve - which is still wet as I type, but to no avail.
Realizing I was up a creek, with less than a minute to go, I ran back to the car, slid out of the parking lot (Literally) and gunned the engine to fly over to Walmart. In case you were wondering, I drive a 95 Geo Prizm, with a 1.8 liter engine. And that little engine was squealing with all 23.3 horsepower it has.
8:59, I arrive in the Walmart parking lot, courtesy of a light which turned green right when I needed it to.
Now having to lock the doors, I lost valuable seconds, but then ran as fast as I could into the store, narrowly missing being hit by a car, and completely soaking my shoes as I ran through the big puddle in front of the store.
I flew by the Walmart greeter, "Hi, Howzit going!" and whilst trying not to slip on the floor, sprinted like Usain Bolt for the RedBox machine.
And as luck would have it, someone was there first.
Lets see, should I get this movie? Let me read the synopsis... Hmmmm... No let's look at the next page.... Oh, that one looks good... Is there someone breathing heavily behind me?
He turns and looks at me, gives me a crusty and returns to what he is doing....
Let's see, perhaps I could try searching by Genre... Oh let's look at this video... ooops, clicked the wrong one, better go back... Ooops back to far... Now, how did I get to that one again...
I'm torn... Part of me wants to strangle the guy.. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!! MAKE A DECISION ALREADY!!! And the rest of me, is slowly accepting the fact that I'm going to have to pay another dollar ( plus tax ) for the privilege of standing here, while Mr. I Can't decide what movie to get MAKES UP HIS FREAKING MIND!!!!
Finally I think he picks a movie, slowly reaches for his wallet, scans his card and completes his transaction.
I return my movie at 9:03pm. Slowly walking out of Walmart, wishing the greeter a good night. Slowly jog through the ran, not even bothering to avoid the puddle, and commence my drive of shame home...
All because I was trying to save a lousy dollar, which apparently lost even more value on the world market today...
On the plus side, I would recommend Imagine That. Eddie Murphy does a great job, and it really makes you think about your priorities, but in a good way! I need to get me some princesses!!
Walking Funny
Folks, I'm not going to lie to you... last week online was not very fun at all. In fact, it was so not fun, that I missed post #300.
Anyway, for a number of reasons...
1 - This is supposed to be a more humorous blog.
2 - To make up for missing post #300.
3 - Just because I feel like it.
I hereby declare this to be HUMOR WEEK on Being the Urban Koda!
Of course if you're from Africa, Australasia or Europe, I'm declaring it HUMOUR WEEK for you guys!
Please feel free to suggest any humorous type content which you think the other readers might enjoy, and I'll do my best to track down some funny and light hearted items to publish.
Anyway, for a number of reasons...
1 - This is supposed to be a more humorous blog.
2 - To make up for missing post #300.
3 - Just because I feel like it.
I hereby declare this to be HUMOR WEEK on Being the Urban Koda!
Of course if you're from Africa, Australasia or Europe, I'm declaring it HUMOUR WEEK for you guys!
Please feel free to suggest any humorous type content which you think the other readers might enjoy, and I'll do my best to track down some funny and light hearted items to publish.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Dealing with Trolls
Gentle readers, I've been blogging for 3 years now during which time, I've tried to keep this blog and my other blog as open as possible. We've had a few unpleasant guests over the years, and I've made a few unpleasant comments which I've been called on.
To offer two examples...
Right when I started, I did a post about African-Americans, and how I felt their biggest problem was that they had lost sight of their rich heritage. The post is here. In response to that post, so bigot with out the balls to identify himself, left 2 posts (trying to appear as two different people) espousing their racist souls. I left those comments up so people could see the kind of attitude that still exists in the US.
A little later, I put together a post about an annoying experience at Walmart. Part of that post involved a rant about the benefit program in Utah. I've changed my thinking a lot since then and largely because of the response I got. It's still one of the most click to posts on this blog as people try to find out more information about the program and are then offended by my comments. Personally I'm offended by my comments as well. I've thought about taking it down, but to me it serves as an important reminder of where I've come from, and why being a judgmental self-righteous pig like I used to be, is not a good thing. That post is here.
At the end of the day, I use these blog to share my opinions and learn from others. It is only by listening to other that I think we can grow, even if we don't like what they are saying.
On Tuesday of this week, a leader in the LDS Church gave a speech about the response to Prop 8 in California. Somehow he had the gall to compare the response to LDS involvement in the election to the treatment of blacks during the civil rights movement. A movement which ironically the LDS Church was vehemently opposed to. It was blatantly offensive to gays, blacks, and pretty much anyone else who doesn't follow the words of LDS leaders with blind and unquestioning obedience.
In response to my posting on the matter though, someone decided to respond. It was a member of the LDS Church, who decided to take on an alternate identity, and criticize my position on the matter, as well as my personal standing with the LDS Church.
Folks, Urban Koda isn't my real name. It's an online identity I created to protect myself and my family from things which I say. The character of Urban Koda is however based on me. It's the way I honestly feel about things, and once I get to know and trust someone, I have no problem sharing my true identity with them. Some of my closest and most active friends on FaceBook are people I have never met in person, but we began as friends through this and other blogs.
If you're going to assume another identity, please put some thought into the character!
Anyway, so this person was being disingenuous, and making baseless assertions that he defended vigorously, but got offended when we asked him to back them up. In addition to that, another reader accurately identified him as a shill to which he responded with profanity and indignation.
I don't like the idea of cutting someone off, since it's contrary to the type of society I would like to live in, but there comes a point when you've had enough ridiculous arguing and accusations of hostility. This person came with the intent to start a fight, and when didn't give it to him, I think he got frustrated.
I'll be honest too, that I like to have the last word in an argument, and so it makes it hard for me to let things drop - this may be due in part to my genetic history, my upbringing or 30 years of involvement with a religion that has to be right.
Anyway, so I've asked to troll not to return. Suspecting that he will no doubt respond with a string of profanity, questioning my integrity and all of that, I elected to turn comment moderation on. Hopefully I can catch any of his trollish comments in the future and so you won't be subjected to them.
I may turn this off again at some point, so we can return to the open community we had before, but for now, I feel this is the best course of action.
When Elder Russell M. Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve encouraged BYU-Hawaii students in December to use new media to promote discussion of the church, I don't think lying and being argumentative in online discussions was what he had in mind!
To offer two examples...
Right when I started, I did a post about African-Americans, and how I felt their biggest problem was that they had lost sight of their rich heritage. The post is here. In response to that post, so bigot with out the balls to identify himself, left 2 posts (trying to appear as two different people) espousing their racist souls. I left those comments up so people could see the kind of attitude that still exists in the US.
A little later, I put together a post about an annoying experience at Walmart. Part of that post involved a rant about the benefit program in Utah. I've changed my thinking a lot since then and largely because of the response I got. It's still one of the most click to posts on this blog as people try to find out more information about the program and are then offended by my comments. Personally I'm offended by my comments as well. I've thought about taking it down, but to me it serves as an important reminder of where I've come from, and why being a judgmental self-righteous pig like I used to be, is not a good thing. That post is here.
At the end of the day, I use these blog to share my opinions and learn from others. It is only by listening to other that I think we can grow, even if we don't like what they are saying.
On Tuesday of this week, a leader in the LDS Church gave a speech about the response to Prop 8 in California. Somehow he had the gall to compare the response to LDS involvement in the election to the treatment of blacks during the civil rights movement. A movement which ironically the LDS Church was vehemently opposed to. It was blatantly offensive to gays, blacks, and pretty much anyone else who doesn't follow the words of LDS leaders with blind and unquestioning obedience.
In response to my posting on the matter though, someone decided to respond. It was a member of the LDS Church, who decided to take on an alternate identity, and criticize my position on the matter, as well as my personal standing with the LDS Church.
Folks, Urban Koda isn't my real name. It's an online identity I created to protect myself and my family from things which I say. The character of Urban Koda is however based on me. It's the way I honestly feel about things, and once I get to know and trust someone, I have no problem sharing my true identity with them. Some of my closest and most active friends on FaceBook are people I have never met in person, but we began as friends through this and other blogs.
If you're going to assume another identity, please put some thought into the character!
Anyway, so this person was being disingenuous, and making baseless assertions that he defended vigorously, but got offended when we asked him to back them up. In addition to that, another reader accurately identified him as a shill to which he responded with profanity and indignation.
I don't like the idea of cutting someone off, since it's contrary to the type of society I would like to live in, but there comes a point when you've had enough ridiculous arguing and accusations of hostility. This person came with the intent to start a fight, and when didn't give it to him, I think he got frustrated.
I'll be honest too, that I like to have the last word in an argument, and so it makes it hard for me to let things drop - this may be due in part to my genetic history, my upbringing or 30 years of involvement with a religion that has to be right.
Anyway, so I've asked to troll not to return. Suspecting that he will no doubt respond with a string of profanity, questioning my integrity and all of that, I elected to turn comment moderation on. Hopefully I can catch any of his trollish comments in the future and so you won't be subjected to them.
I may turn this off again at some point, so we can return to the open community we had before, but for now, I feel this is the best course of action.
When Elder Russell M. Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve encouraged BYU-Hawaii students in December to use new media to promote discussion of the church, I don't think lying and being argumentative in online discussions was what he had in mind!
With Regret...
Folks, I'm afraid I've landed myself in a situation where I feel it necessary to turn on comment moderation. It means that if you leave a comment, it won't show up until I've approved it.
I'll explain why and all of that shortly. Unfortunately I need to go and take care of a matter which I found unpleasant but necessary.
I'll explain why and all of that shortly. Unfortunately I need to go and take care of a matter which I found unpleasant but necessary.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
All Well and Good Except...
Here's a nice quote from that speech I talked about yesterday...
"We must insist on our constitutional right and duty to exercise our religious, to vote our consciences on public issues, and to participate in elections and debates in the public square."
Hey, I'd agree with that, except...
The LDS Church doesn't believe it's members should exercise their consciences on public issues if the hierarchy of the Church decides they should all vote one way.
Hey Elder Oaks... You'll all upset about intimidation and all... Are you going to haul my Stake President before a disciplinary council for calling me a traitor to the faith because I shared a different political opinion to you and the prophet?
Of course not, it's only intimidation when the other people do it. For you it's righteous guidance or something, because I'm not "worthy" enough to follow the right path prescribed for me by you...
Apparently Mr. Oaks has also not read his Church history either... One of the key reasons the Mormons were chased out of a settlement prior to Salt Lake City, was because they had formed a voting bloc. It didn't matter which candidate ran, the leader of the Mormons would tell them how to vote, and that was how they voted.
It was a problem then, it's a problem now, and don't try and hide it behind "Defending our religious freedom."
"We must insist on our constitutional right and duty to exercise our religious, to vote our consciences on public issues, and to participate in elections and debates in the public square."
Hey, I'd agree with that, except...
The LDS Church doesn't believe it's members should exercise their consciences on public issues if the hierarchy of the Church decides they should all vote one way.
Hey Elder Oaks... You'll all upset about intimidation and all... Are you going to haul my Stake President before a disciplinary council for calling me a traitor to the faith because I shared a different political opinion to you and the prophet?
Of course not, it's only intimidation when the other people do it. For you it's righteous guidance or something, because I'm not "worthy" enough to follow the right path prescribed for me by you...
Apparently Mr. Oaks has also not read his Church history either... One of the key reasons the Mormons were chased out of a settlement prior to Salt Lake City, was because they had formed a voting bloc. It didn't matter which candidate ran, the leader of the Mormons would tell them how to vote, and that was how they voted.
It was a problem then, it's a problem now, and don't try and hide it behind "Defending our religious freedom."
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Dude?!? Wrong Side!!
According to a story just published on Fox 13's website which you can read here...
SALT LAKE CITY - The anti-Mormon backlash after California voters overturned gay marriage last fall is similar to the intimidation of Southern blacks during the civil rights movement, a high-ranking Mormon says in a speech to be delivered Tuesday. Elder Dallin H. Oaks refers to gay marriage as an "alleged civil right" in remarks prepared for delivery at Brigham Young University- Idaho, a speech church officials describe as a significant commentary on current threats to religious freedom.
WTF MAN!! Mormons aren't the victims here! Prop 8 was about taking rights away from same sex couples, not persecuting Mormons. Just because you don't agree with the the orientation of someone does not mean they're coming after you. Taking away your religious rights?!? If anything, you tried to take away their rights, and they're justifiably upset.
The article also touches on the Churches history with Blacks.
You see, up until 1978, black men could join the LDS Church, but could not receive the 'priesthood'. The Doctrine (and it was taught as doctrine, and still is by some) was that Blacks bore the mark of Cain, as a result of unrighteousness in a prior life. This doctrine came into being because Brigham Young, somehow confused his racist bigotry with revelation from God. It also meant Black men could not marry in LDS Temples, and was supposed to help prevent miscegeny. Miscegeny was actually punishable by death according to Young, and at least one man was murdered when caught meeting with a white woman in the early days of Salt Lake City.
So with that tradition of racism, somehow now Mormons can compare themselves to the unjust persecution levied at Southern blacks during the Civil rights movement?
Freakin' Hell Man!!!
In many ways this is similar to the LDS Church joining forces with the Catholic Church to try and promote Prop 8. In the past the LDS Church has referred to the Catholic Church as the Whore of all the Earth and the Great and Abominable Church referred to in scripture... And now these guys are your allies in the cause for morality?!
I still maintain the homophobic policies of the LDS Church are a marketing scheme to try and recruit more of the conservative, zealot types who are disenfranchised with acceptance of the LGBT community of other Churches.
SALT LAKE CITY - The anti-Mormon backlash after California voters overturned gay marriage last fall is similar to the intimidation of Southern blacks during the civil rights movement, a high-ranking Mormon says in a speech to be delivered Tuesday. Elder Dallin H. Oaks refers to gay marriage as an "alleged civil right" in remarks prepared for delivery at Brigham Young University- Idaho, a speech church officials describe as a significant commentary on current threats to religious freedom.
WTF MAN!! Mormons aren't the victims here! Prop 8 was about taking rights away from same sex couples, not persecuting Mormons. Just because you don't agree with the the orientation of someone does not mean they're coming after you. Taking away your religious rights?!? If anything, you tried to take away their rights, and they're justifiably upset.
The article also touches on the Churches history with Blacks.
You see, up until 1978, black men could join the LDS Church, but could not receive the 'priesthood'. The Doctrine (and it was taught as doctrine, and still is by some) was that Blacks bore the mark of Cain, as a result of unrighteousness in a prior life. This doctrine came into being because Brigham Young, somehow confused his racist bigotry with revelation from God. It also meant Black men could not marry in LDS Temples, and was supposed to help prevent miscegeny. Miscegeny was actually punishable by death according to Young, and at least one man was murdered when caught meeting with a white woman in the early days of Salt Lake City.
So with that tradition of racism, somehow now Mormons can compare themselves to the unjust persecution levied at Southern blacks during the Civil rights movement?
Freakin' Hell Man!!!
In many ways this is similar to the LDS Church joining forces with the Catholic Church to try and promote Prop 8. In the past the LDS Church has referred to the Catholic Church as the Whore of all the Earth and the Great and Abominable Church referred to in scripture... And now these guys are your allies in the cause for morality?!
I still maintain the homophobic policies of the LDS Church are a marketing scheme to try and recruit more of the conservative, zealot types who are disenfranchised with acceptance of the LGBT community of other Churches.
An Atheists Nightmare
Folks, I have a favor to ask... I'd like you to watch the following video, and then I have a question for you. There is no right or wrong answer, I just want to see if your first impressions were the same as mine. Thanks to Mr. TJ Shelby for the find.
Alright, so having watched that, here's the question:
Do you think that this video is:
A - A spoof by some guy with a wicked sense of humor, or
B - A fundamental christian presenting his deep personal belief that men and banana's were created in harmony with each other.
I'd ask that you take note of your honest feelings right now, and let me know in a comment to this post as to what they are.
OK, as promised... When I started watching it, I found myself chortling a little. I was at work at the time, so I couldn't laugh out loud, although, had I been at home, I think I may have done.
It's been said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but as my younger brother points out... It's still a form!!
I love sarcasm, and her close sister, little Miss Satire.
Unfortunately though, this gentleman is dead serious. He honestly believes that God created the banana with it's bio-degradable, perforated wrapper and ingenious color indicators, and created it to fit perfectly into our hands.
If you ask me, using a banana for this example does seem a little funny, don't the great apes like bananas?
As a final observation, as the man described the shape of the banana, with it pointed tip and gentle curve, I did almost lose it. Maybe it's just my filthy mind, but I swear he 'tossed' a couple of adianoeta's - Which is a fancy word for a double entendre. I decided to use it instead, since double entendre is kind of a 'mouthful'.
OK, OK, I'll stop now!
Alright, so having watched that, here's the question:
Do you think that this video is:
A - A spoof by some guy with a wicked sense of humor, or
B - A fundamental christian presenting his deep personal belief that men and banana's were created in harmony with each other.
I'd ask that you take note of your honest feelings right now, and let me know in a comment to this post as to what they are.
OK, as promised... When I started watching it, I found myself chortling a little. I was at work at the time, so I couldn't laugh out loud, although, had I been at home, I think I may have done.
It's been said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but as my younger brother points out... It's still a form!!
I love sarcasm, and her close sister, little Miss Satire.
Unfortunately though, this gentleman is dead serious. He honestly believes that God created the banana with it's bio-degradable, perforated wrapper and ingenious color indicators, and created it to fit perfectly into our hands.
If you ask me, using a banana for this example does seem a little funny, don't the great apes like bananas?
As a final observation, as the man described the shape of the banana, with it pointed tip and gentle curve, I did almost lose it. Maybe it's just my filthy mind, but I swear he 'tossed' a couple of adianoeta's - Which is a fancy word for a double entendre. I decided to use it instead, since double entendre is kind of a 'mouthful'.
OK, OK, I'll stop now!
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Wise Ramblings of an Old Man
For those of you who follow Twitter...
Might I recommend following the following gentleman, who was recommended to me by another friend a month or two back.
shitmydadsays
Today's offering...
shitmydadsays: "That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."
Which makes me wonder if I would have had a shot at the hot little brunette in front of me at RedBox on Saturday night... Just so we're clear, being married, I wouldn't have and I didn't, but had I been single...
Might I recommend following the following gentleman, who was recommended to me by another friend a month or two back.
shitmydadsays
Today's offering...
shitmydadsays: "That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."
Which makes me wonder if I would have had a shot at the hot little brunette in front of me at RedBox on Saturday night... Just so we're clear, being married, I wouldn't have and I didn't, but had I been single...
Funny, but not really...
I've been noticing more and more lately that when people who are opposed to homosexuality start arguing about it, invariably they invoke references to pedophilia and bestiality.
They're all completely separate things... And just to be clear: homosexuality is about attraction to someone of the same gender and in most cases where a relationship is pursued, it's consensual, at least in as many cases as a typical heterosexual relationship.
Pedophilia and bestiality are generally not consensual, and are completely different.
Actually if you're LDS and you're going to bring up the pedophilia argument, please be kind enough to explain when marrying 14 year old girls for sex is acceptable, and yet you try to use the term pedophile to add credibility to your argument against homosexuality.
Ultimately it all comes down to one question for me...
How does having someone else be attracted to a member of the same sex affect you?
It doesn't!
They're all completely separate things... And just to be clear: homosexuality is about attraction to someone of the same gender and in most cases where a relationship is pursued, it's consensual, at least in as many cases as a typical heterosexual relationship.
Pedophilia and bestiality are generally not consensual, and are completely different.
Actually if you're LDS and you're going to bring up the pedophilia argument, please be kind enough to explain when marrying 14 year old girls for sex is acceptable, and yet you try to use the term pedophile to add credibility to your argument against homosexuality.
Ultimately it all comes down to one question for me...
How does having someone else be attracted to a member of the same sex affect you?
It doesn't!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Lying for Jesus
I've noticed an interesting phenomenon over the years, something which doesn't seem confined to just Mormonism, and something which I have been guilty of in the past too.
When people speak of Christian values, I would suspect that in most, if not all cases, the idea of honesty comes up. Good Christians don't lie.
Unless...
There seems to be an unwritten law, that if you're lying on behalf of Jesus, then it's OK.
This was brought home this week as I read a critique of a painting. You can view the painting here and the critique here.
I'm always amazed how certain people like to make a big deal about how this nation was founded on the principles of Christianity and that the bad part of America seems to have forgotten it, and yet, in reality, it wasn't.
Yet somehow, even when you bring up a point like that, they'll acknowledge it, and still find a way to justify it, and keep on spreading their ignorance around.
Interestingly enough... While looking at the painting in question, I had the following thoughts.
1. I wonder if the artist was tempted to paint Glenn Beck into the painting, as one of the zealots, trying to save this 'Christian' nation.
2. I wonder if this guy is a Mormon as well.
Well... Turns out the dude is a Mormon, and while it doesn't depict Beck, if you look closely at the Black college student, he's holding a copy of Skousen's 5 Thousand Years book, which seems to have become Becks personal scripture in recent years.
When people speak of Christian values, I would suspect that in most, if not all cases, the idea of honesty comes up. Good Christians don't lie.
Unless...
There seems to be an unwritten law, that if you're lying on behalf of Jesus, then it's OK.
This was brought home this week as I read a critique of a painting. You can view the painting here and the critique here.
I'm always amazed how certain people like to make a big deal about how this nation was founded on the principles of Christianity and that the bad part of America seems to have forgotten it, and yet, in reality, it wasn't.
Yet somehow, even when you bring up a point like that, they'll acknowledge it, and still find a way to justify it, and keep on spreading their ignorance around.
Interestingly enough... While looking at the painting in question, I had the following thoughts.
1. I wonder if the artist was tempted to paint Glenn Beck into the painting, as one of the zealots, trying to save this 'Christian' nation.
2. I wonder if this guy is a Mormon as well.
Well... Turns out the dude is a Mormon, and while it doesn't depict Beck, if you look closely at the Black college student, he's holding a copy of Skousen's 5 Thousand Years book, which seems to have become Becks personal scripture in recent years.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Flawed Logic
I spent my weekend reading, biking, shopping and cooking. Most other people in my neighborhood spent in front of their TV's, soaking up the words of wisdom from the Mormon Hierarchy in Salt Lake.
So that I didn't appear completely ignorant at work this morning though, I did spend a little time reviewing the conference online to see what was said - not that it would be anything different from what has been said in the past. Repent, avoid pornography and be obedient.
Turns out most of the conference was, but I came across this great statement...
Attacks on the Book of Mormon can't be true, because the Church still exists.
That may have been paraphrased, but.... Um, OK Dude, but by that logic, shouldn't any religion which is attacked for it's beliefs, but yet still exists, be a true religion? Catholics, Jehovah's witnesses, Muslims, Buddhism, Paganism...
And just so you're aware, many other Church's still use the Book of Mormon as well... Some even practice the original doctrines of polygamy!! So does the fact that they still exist imply that they are God's one true religion as well.
I've become someone amused and fascinated in recent years about attempts to prove scientifically that the principles of the LDS Church are true. 1 piece of evidence which supports the Book of Mormon as an historical evidence is held up as absolute proof, while anything which disputes it, like DNA evidence, is simply dismissed as a product of Intellectuals intent on destroying God's One True Church.
So that I didn't appear completely ignorant at work this morning though, I did spend a little time reviewing the conference online to see what was said - not that it would be anything different from what has been said in the past. Repent, avoid pornography and be obedient.
Turns out most of the conference was, but I came across this great statement...
Attacks on the Book of Mormon can't be true, because the Church still exists.
That may have been paraphrased, but.... Um, OK Dude, but by that logic, shouldn't any religion which is attacked for it's beliefs, but yet still exists, be a true religion? Catholics, Jehovah's witnesses, Muslims, Buddhism, Paganism...
And just so you're aware, many other Church's still use the Book of Mormon as well... Some even practice the original doctrines of polygamy!! So does the fact that they still exist imply that they are God's one true religion as well.
I've become someone amused and fascinated in recent years about attempts to prove scientifically that the principles of the LDS Church are true. 1 piece of evidence which supports the Book of Mormon as an historical evidence is held up as absolute proof, while anything which disputes it, like DNA evidence, is simply dismissed as a product of Intellectuals intent on destroying God's One True Church.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Your assistance for something Legen... Wait for it... DARY!!!
Alright folks... I know we've got some great minds out there.
It's coming up on the annual work Halloween party, and since I'm the lone representative from my team who likes to participate, I need to come up with a really cool costume.
By way of explanation, my team are all IT Geeks (myself included), so their lack of desire to participate is kind of understandably.
Anyway...
2 years ago, I did "The Man in the Yellow Hat", which went over fairly well, except I had to explain it to everyone - Seriously, did no-one watch Curious George as a kid?!
Last year I went as Dracula, and won most scary.
This year, I'm hoping for something on the humorous side...
Some ideas I've thought up already, include...
Road Kill - I dress in black, with a white, dashed line across the middle, and a critter (likely a donated stuffed toy) with a bloody tire mark through it to the side.
Sexy Nurse - I'll be doing a half ironman a week later, so I could just shave my legs a week early. I just worry about walking in high heels, and then there's the fact that I'll need to walk around like that all day...
Mrs Koda also has a genuine, full Indian Sari outfit - which would require a shaving of the stomach, but could work as well.
Anyone have any LEGENDARY ideas?
I'll post pictures!!
It's coming up on the annual work Halloween party, and since I'm the lone representative from my team who likes to participate, I need to come up with a really cool costume.
By way of explanation, my team are all IT Geeks (myself included), so their lack of desire to participate is kind of understandably.
Anyway...
2 years ago, I did "The Man in the Yellow Hat", which went over fairly well, except I had to explain it to everyone - Seriously, did no-one watch Curious George as a kid?!
Last year I went as Dracula, and won most scary.
This year, I'm hoping for something on the humorous side...
Some ideas I've thought up already, include...
Road Kill - I dress in black, with a white, dashed line across the middle, and a critter (likely a donated stuffed toy) with a bloody tire mark through it to the side.
Sexy Nurse - I'll be doing a half ironman a week later, so I could just shave my legs a week early. I just worry about walking in high heels, and then there's the fact that I'll need to walk around like that all day...
Mrs Koda also has a genuine, full Indian Sari outfit - which would require a shaving of the stomach, but could work as well.
Anyone have any LEGENDARY ideas?
I'll post pictures!!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Probably an honest mistake....
So there I was discussing matters of great importance with a co-worker this morning... And I made a somewhat humorous comment.
He responded with...
olo
Which I figured was just him trying to do an lol and mixing up the letters.
I should add at this point that the l in the font I use doesn't have the like line at the top or bottom. So basically it was circle - long straight line - circle.
I was about to ask if he was trying to create a new, shorthand way of saying BS, but then my dirty mind kicked in...
Now, I'm wondering if I just got called a dick...
He responded with...
olo
Which I figured was just him trying to do an lol and mixing up the letters.
I should add at this point that the l in the font I use doesn't have the like line at the top or bottom. So basically it was circle - long straight line - circle.
I was about to ask if he was trying to create a new, shorthand way of saying BS, but then my dirty mind kicked in...
Now, I'm wondering if I just got called a dick...
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