The M Question...

I just read the most hilarious blog posting and it reminded me of something....

Back when I was a missionary, I ended up in South Africa. The Mission President was an interesting guy. For those who don't know, the Mission President is the guy who oversee's all the missionaries in a given geographical area. Anyway, rumor has it that the Mission President was a bit of a sex addict. As far as we know he had always been faithful and all of that, but his excessive libido had almost ended his marriage, and as the rumor went, he had to be medicated to keep it under control.

That might all be completely false, but it did make sense when viewed alongside other things... For instance, I had to have a wee chat with him shortly after I got there about some 'fun' I'd had as a teenager. I may share more of the details at anther time about exactly why we had to have a wee chat, but what shocked me was his interest in all the intimate details of the 'fun' I'd had. I'd remarked at the time that it seemed like he 'got off' on it, and then when I heard the rumor...

Anyway, his office had large windows and a glass door. It was sound proof, so you couldn't hear anything, but you could see what was going on inside. One of the favorite things was to watch the look on a greeny's face (That's a brand spanking new missionary for those who don't know) and see if you could guess the exact moment when the M question was asked...

I remember when I was brand new... Sitting there, very jet lagged and out of my element. He asked about my family and my girlfriend. How I felt about being there and all of that, and then out of the blue...

"Elder, when was the last time you masturbated?"

WHAT?!?!?

Anyway, I'm sure there were a group of missionaries waiting outside all looking for my reaction. That's about all I remember about the incident...

He'd ask the same question anytime you were in an interview with him, and depending on your answer, he'd follow up with the W question...

"Elder, when was your last wet dream."

You see in his mind, if you claimed not to have a problem with the M question, and by not having a problem, I mean, not spanking the monkey on a regular basis. He assumed that you would be having regular wet dreams. Fortunately I never answered both questions in the negative, but I had a companion who did, and he got a whole long chat about how you had to have either on or the other...

Anyway, with that all laid out there...

Here's a rather humorous and perhaps a little informative look at the M institution and it's place in Mormon society.

Being your own best friend.