Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Here's your sign...

Bill Engvall is an hilarious comedian. One of his classic things is the "Here's your sign" routine. For the unfamiliar, he believes that idiots should have signs that identify them as idiots. This way when we don't think some one would be dumb enough to do something, we can check for the sign, and if they have one, we can warn them about it.... You should probably just try and find it on You Tube or something.

Anyway, so in honor of Bill Engvall, I would like to hand out a couple of signs this morning...

We got snow last night. The weather man predicted 1 or 2 inches. I cleared 4 when I left the house, and my wife just cleared another 3 or 4. So there I am driving to work and I get behind someone in a larger car - Nissan Maxima or something. He (actually probably a she based on what happened) was sliding all over the place. It was icy, but you'd think looking at her that it was far worse than it was, and that she was on a steep hill or something. She turned from the side street to the main road while I was following her, and managed to fishtail into the curb. The thing is, that happens when a car has rear wheel drive, but not front wheel drive. As I got closer, seriously considering getting up against her bumper to help her get traction, I realize that her rear wheels are locked. I think she was trying to drive with the hand brake on - normally this just results in bad gas consumption and stinky brakes, but with the ice, she was just dragging the rear of the car along the road. The good thing to do would have been to point this out to her, but I worry that I would have been prompted to go into the "Here's your sign" bit. Apparently the fact that only her car was sliding everywhere never clued her in.

Next sign goes to anyone in New Hampshire who voted for Hillary - What the hell are you thinking people? If it's because she started crying during her little rant yesterday about just wanting to do what's best for the country, you are seriously misguided - she was crying because her sneaky ways aren't working against Obama - or at least they shouldn't be, but apparently some idiots thought it would make her a good person to vote for.

I figure if it was men that did it, it's because they haven't yet learned that women use tears to manipulate us. Guys, time to wise up - if you fall for this tactic anytime again, be it from a wife, girlfriend or anyone else, I'm going to have to give you a sign.

If it was women... Hillary doesn't give a monkeys butt about you guys. Any self respecting woman would have given Bill the boot a long time ago. She has no respect for you. Ladies if this was your fault, I'm sorry, but you're getting a sign.


  1. That's Beautiful Koda. Let me mention that my Taurus handles beautifully on the snow (I can't MAKE that thing fishtail)but I miss all of the empty parking lot tricks I could do with my late rear-wheel-drive pickup.

  2. There is always the handbrake though... Not quite as cool as rear wheel drive, but I can get a nice slide going before I hit my drive way - The kids love it, the wife is somewhat less impressed!

  3. The Taurus doesn't have a hand brake. It has a foot brake like trucks do. I really miss it.