Tuesday, December 29, 2009

It's Been a While

I thought I might have posted this some time back, and as I search back through my postings, I realized that I haven't posted any Garfunkel and Oats for over 3 months...

Please allow me to rectify said situation, also this will make up for my political rantings yesterday - hopefully!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Being the Mrs. Urban Koda

Mrs Koda and I saw this on a promotional clip for the Family Guy last night. I stopped breathing about 15 seconds in because I was laughing so hard.

Due to a number of reasons... Failed birth control, misguided religious advise, horny husband syndrome, etc. we have 5 kids.

This is Mrs. Koda's life right now...

Post #350 - Action Packed and Guaranteed to Thrill!

OK Folks, it's post number 350, and so it has to be a good one. Can't have another major milestone go by with just some mediocre observations or moderately humorous YouTube clip... OK - so I'll include a YouTube clip, but it has relevance to something else.

First things first... Mrs Koda informed me of a grave error on my part several weeks ago. When discussing a practice in the LDS Church wherein the men pair up and visit homes to keep people in line, I made reference to there being just two families in our neighborhood whom we can call on when things get tough, and whom we trust. In so saying I excluded a rather important family who lives in the next city, and in fact the only friend of Mrs Koda who knows about these blogs, and knows the fully extent of my feelings towards the religion in which I was raised.

I'm not sure if she would like to be named by name, but... EB - you and your family are definitely great friends, and I apologize for not including you in the original post... Would including you in a post like this be considered that much more prestigious? OK, given that it's on this blog, so I guess not... But I tried!!

Next of the agenda... My wife and I faced a critical juncture in our quest for eternal salvation yesterday. LDS Faithful may not find my account of it too flattering, but for the rest of my readers... Check it out on my other blog - but only after you get done reading through this fantastic post. I'll put a link at the end.

Next... Politics, and to keep it fair, I want to do a bit of a critique aimed at both sides of the political aisle. I'll start with the right, since it's about a lady, and there's the old maxim of ladies first - likely from the days of chivalry, but that's an interesting topic I may touch on later.

So Sarah Palin has a new book out... Going Rogue. She came to Salt Lake for a book signing, and I doubt if Jesus himself would have garnered quite such a reception. There was even all night coverage of the line of over-weight and politically clueless who lined up in the sub-zero temps to get her autograph. Comments were usually along the lines of "What do you like about Sarah Palin?" "She's awesome and I like the way she thinks" "What is it about her thinking that you like?" "I just like the way she thinks and I just like her." They were non-committal, obviously clueless comments by people who've been told to like her and aren't quite sure why. Actually comments which I think would rival any of the mindless dribble spewed forth by Palin during her Katie Couric interview. But hey, to each his own and they aren't really the target of my critique.

Going Rogue. Interesting title, but like the following mash-up of clips from the Princess Bride...

She keeps using the word "Rogue" and "Maverick", but I do not think she knows what that means. Sarah, in case you happen to read this in the midst of your daily perusal of all newspapers and all other news sources...

Parroting the party line and saying you're a maverick, does not you a maverick make. You did nothing roguish or mavericky on the campaign trail, other than to make a laughing stock out of yourself, your state and the McCain campaign - but I think Bushy already pulled that one of for the Republicans with his "God told me to invade Iraq" and similar comments, so it's hardly original.

But I'll leave the poor, poor lady alone, goodness knows she has enough to worry about.

Moving to the other side of the aisle, it looks like we may be getting close to a final bill for health-care reform, and last week I received the equivalent of a victory letter, via email, from the President himself. I'm glad something is being done, but I would hardly call it a victory.

Here are the problems I have with it...

1. One of the things I like about Mr. Obama when he ran for office was his talking of cleaning up Washington, and getting the lobbyists and all the money out of it. Sadly the story of health-care is one of the insurance industry paying off senators and congressman and spending copious quantities of money to defeat the bill. It hit home when I was sent an email asking for money to support the bill, since money was needed to counteract the millions spent by the insurance industry folks. I'm sorry, you need my money to pass a bill?!?! I voted for you in the last election... NOW DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO!!! Why is money even an issue?!? Shouldn't it be about right and wrong, and what's best for those you represent? I mean the people not your corporate sponsors.

2. The public option got taken out, and who knows what other piece have been added or removed to "buy" the votes of those already bought and paid for by the insurance industry. You almost have some kind of health-care passed, but it's hardly a victory. I guess on the plus side, it was just an email, and not some dog and pony show on an aircraft carrier.

I know my hopes for the president were way to optimistic and I was expecting him to fall short on a couple of things, but I think he's really dropped the ball on the health-care thing.

Finally, I spoke with a friend over Christmas. He's actually the nut job that sent me the text about Obama putting chemicals in the water to stop people breeding. I try and avoid politics with friends like that. Obviously I think he's delusional and obviously a puppet for hacks like Limbaugh and Beck, but he would probably think the same thing about me and my political leanings. And after the nasty things I said about those who dropped my as a facebook friend after I voiced some disgust at my son's teacher preventing him from seeing the President's adrress to school children, that would show me to be the same narrow minded prick I think all of them were.

To be fair I do like to hear the opposite side of the argument, but if I could offer some advise...

Whining about all the taxes you have to pay to Obama... You do realize you're being taxed at the same rate as you were under Bush, right?!?

Whining about all the corporate bailouts.... You do remember this happened while Bush was president, right?!?

Whining about government controlling industry... You do realize that these were all companies that needed bailouts, and that the men who's salaries are being capped are the ones who perpetrated the events which culminated in the decimation of your 401K... Right?!?

Mr. Obama has made his fair share of screw-ups and dick moves, but if you're going to paint him with a broad brush, at least consider what your guy did, and what Mr. McCain would have done, had he gotten elected.

Anyway that's it for magnificent post #350. In hind site it wasn't all that magnificent or amazing, so please accept my apologies for wasting your time.

If you would like to waste some more time...

Here's the account of yesterday's proceedings involving me and the Mrs.

The Price of Salvation

And on the topic of Chivalry. Pure Mormonism had an interesting take on that in a post which was just posted there.

When Mormons Take The Lord's Name In Vain

Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas Message

I mentioned on my other blog that I teach a youth Sunday School class on Sundays. Apparently this surprised a couple of my readers, which I can't say I exactly blame them for. My policy is basically that I refuse to teach anything from my personal opinion which goes contrary to the teachings of the organization, but at the same time, there are aspects of the organization which I refuse to indoctrinate the kids with, which makes for really short lessons some weeks!

I was a little bummed that the lesson manual I have didn't have a specific Christmas message this years, however I was surprised to find the lesson scheduled for this week included only stuff I agree with, and it actually contained a message very fitting for the season.

2 quotes by the Church Leader on which the lesson was based...

“Gentleness is better than brutality.”

“Kindness is greater than coercion.”

In a world where it seems we think problems can only be resolved by the threat of military action and who has the biggest bombs, I think this is a rather poignant message.

A little more kindness, a little more gentleness and I think most of the worlds problems would resolve themselves.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

UK to Support War on Christmas

Actually, let me just add one more word for clarification to that title, since I'm not necessarily against Christmas, but I'm against all the whiny, cry baby, so called Christians who believe that Christmas is under attack.

So perhaps my title should have been...

Urban Koda to Support War on Christmas Nutjobs

I was in the car with a colleague the other day, when a news story about "The War on Christmas" came on.

In a shocking twist of irony, the news story was on people taking offense to being wished a "Happy Holidays" at a particular store. I don't know about you, but I figure that encompasses pretty much everything about this season.

My colleague agreed with how terrible it was to be wished a Happy Holidays and then continued on (And here's the irony) that he couldn't see how wishing someone a Merry Christmas could be taken as an offense.

I'll agree that it shouldn't be. I had an Isreali wish me a Merry Christmas over the weekend, and I returned the greeting, to which he said Thanks! And then I realized that he likely wasn't Christian, and so I wished him a Happy Hannukah! And the dudes face just lit up!

Christmas, Hannukah, Yule, Soltice, Kwanza, or whatever other holiday you wish to celebrate this year... Isn't it really about a celebration of life?

Actually if you want to read something pretty cool, check out this sermon from a local Church. I'm thinking I need to pay these people a visit one Sunday too!

Why It's Funny...

So I didn't have any takers on the funny within the funny on my last post...

Those of you with an LDS background, might have noticed that the bible used in the sketch is an LDS (Mormon) edition.

I did a little more research into Mr. Deity and it turns out that the creator, Mr. Brian Keith Dalton is in fact a former member of the LDS Church.

If you're familiar with LDS Doctrine too, you might find that there is an element of the sketches which seems to fit when viewing God, Christ and the whole plan from a distinctly Mormon perspective.

Anyway, I thought that was moderately interesting.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Funny inside the Funny

So a couple of weeks back, I posted a rather humorous video of Mr. Deity chatting with Larry about The Book.

I found a sequel yesterday...

Now here's the deal, there is a very specific demographic amongst those who read this blog who may notice something a little extra funny in the first 15 seconds of the video. I don't have a prize, but if you can spot what it is, you get bragging rights!

I'll post the answer tomorrow if no-one gets it.

Monday, December 14, 2009

This is Offensive

In keeping with my Christmas Carol theme of the past week or two...

This is a comedy type review of perhaps the worst Christmas song in the history of the world.

However, before you view it, please review the following, and if you think you might be offended please either refrain from viewing the attached. If you choose to view the clip you also accept with that decision to responsibility for any negative feelings you might have. I would also request that you refrain from posting any negative feedback, but that might actually be funny if someone did...

1 - If you are a devout Christian and are offended by parodies of God and/or Jesus, this video will offend you.

2 - If you are Buddhist and would be offended by a naughty reference to Buddha himself, this video will offend you.

3 - If you are offended by the F-word, this video will offend you.

4 - If you think that the song "Christmas Shoes" is all about the true meaning of Christmas, then this video will offend you.

OK - you have been warned!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Old Age or Cold

It has not be a good last 24 hours for the Koda brain.

Yesterday, I did a swim workout over lunch and as I was getting dressed afterwards, realized that I had forgotten to include any underwear in my bag, and since I wear my suit to the pool...

This morning as I arrived at the pool, I walked in wondering what I would do if I ever forgot my towel. And then in a few minutes later realized that as I packed my back last night, I had neglected to include.... A towel.

Now, normally these wouldn't have been huge problems. In the case of yesterday, I ended up going commando, since a wet swim suit would have caused more problems that it would have avoided.

And after forgetting a towel, I could have just taken a hot shower and tried to do the drip dry thing...

But here's the problem...

And for my metricly inclined friends...

Going commando, means that there was one less layer to protect important things from the cold, and doing the drip dry thing this morning, might have required me to call ahead to work, and have someone meet me in the parking lot to help chip me out of my seat.

I was thinking it might be old age setting in - especially in light of yesterday's final post, but perhaps it's just that my brain has frozen. Goodness knows it's been exposed to enough cold in the last week.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Grey Hair...

So I'm 33, and to be honest I'm balding slightly and there is some gray hair creeping through. Nothing I can't handle.

Dear, sweet Mrs. Koda just came into see me, stroked my hair and then exclaimed...

Holy Crap! Grey Hair honey! Is it getting worse?

So if any of you happen to see my ego skulking off behind a bush, please send him home... I miss him!

Throwing off Scrooge!

So you know how I said I was having a real hard time with Christmas Carols this year?

I still am, but I've found a couple of exceptions which I wanted to share.

The first actually comes with video from the source, but embedding is disabled. So you can either watch the audio only version below, or you can click here. The graphics are worth the extra click though, and you can come back and watch the others when you're done!

1. Oh Holy Night by Eric Cartman

2. Oi to the World by No Doubt

3. Carol of the Bells by The Trans Siberian Orchestra

I couldn't find a decent video of this, but this one isn't half bad. There's about 3 and half minutes of built up to it, but I enjoyed that. If you don't just skip forward to about 3:30.

I've gotta go see TSO one of the years. Their show looks phenomenal.

Happy Solstice Everyone!!

*** NEW BLOG ***

Before I tell you more, please calm down... It's not that exciting. Unless of course you're a computer geek!

I posted something a while back involving a problem with Internet Explorer and how it deals with dynamic cells in javascript different from every other browser.

Bored already? I'll post something more humorous shortly!

Anyway, I came across another issue this weekend which taxed my brain, and which didn't seem to have a solution on the internet. Rather than post it here, I figured I'd start a new blog, wherein to post all my geeky programming type observations.

As of this morning it has 2 entries!

If you're desperate for entertainment, you can view it here, but I think you'll be sorely disappointed.

In other news sometime late last night, someone came and spent several hours perusing this and my kodathink blog. I found interesting where they went and what they looked at. If it was you... I hope you found what you were looking for!!

Monday, December 07, 2009

First Kisses and Snow

I follow a South African Triathlete on Twitter. Actually, he's not just a triathlete, he's won the XTerra world championship 3 times, and could well do it again next year.

He spends a lot of his time in Reno and apparently he's there right now.

ConradStoltz It's snowing cats and dogs in Reno. Snow is so
amazing- everyone has to see it before they die http://twitpic.com/sjh5h

I miss feeling that way about snow. This morning, as I brushed it off my car at 4:45 am in temperatures hovering around 10 degrees (That's like -12 Celcius), I may have muttered a few words of contempt about it under my breath, and as I drove into work on a rather slick freeway, I may have uttered a few more.

It's kind of like that first kiss. I love being married and all, but there is a completely indescribably feeling when anticipating or participating in a first kiss. Perhaps that's why the twilight books were so big... People trying to capture that feeling through a character in a novel.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

On Becoming a Hero

As I've mentioned in the past, I've been blessed with 5 incredible kids. They're a handful, and if we had to do it all over again, I think we would probably have stopped after 2, but that said, now that I know them, I wouldn't trade any of them for the world.

For some reason though, kids love toilet humor, and my kids seem to be way ahead of the curve on this. I think one of my 3 year old son's first words was 'fart' and he not only understood the word, but could demonstrate with remarkable proficiency as well.

At this point it's probably worth mentioning that the level of language used in the post is not likely to be raised much at all as it continues, so if you're uncomfortable with the topic being discussed so far, might I recommend you return in a day or two and simply ignore this post...

Anyway, so back to the topic at hand. Even my 16 month old, little angel has discovered that if she squats down and goes "Pissssssssss!" it garners delight from all her older siblings - and disapproving looks from Mom and Dad, which is apparently a plus as well - How she knows this, I have NO idea.

Anyway, so with that background, and with the idea I've been working on, to add more lights to my house for this Christmas, I was sent the following:

I'm thinking a light display such as this would likely make me an immortal hero in the eyes of my kids - and likely all the neighborhood kids too. Actually, I was going to jot down a few of the negative consequences too, but I realized there really aren't any...

The neighbors all think I'm going to hell, and speak about me behind my back, so it's not like that would be new...

Walmart were all out of green fairy light, which was what my lighting plans were to be based on, but this doesn't call for green lights...

Perhaps I'll be adding to my light display this weekend after all!

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Liberation and Lust

A good friend and I were talking last night about the attitudes of certain people in a respective neighborhood towards us and our families.

In my case, the dipstick who called my house at 6am on a Sunday morning some months ago, and is now making a nuisance of himself trying to get me to go and do visits with him is currently being ignored by yours truly. It's not enough that I told him, I won't go... He sees it as his personal responsibility to get me to go, and is taking personal offense that I won't. It's spilled over to his wife who is now refusing to acknowledge our existence and has been quite the topic of conversation with the extended family. I know a member of the extended family quite well in fact and so I found out all about it. Very Christian like if you ask me.

My friend has similar issues.

People try to manipulate you into doing something and when you don't fall for their sneaky schemes, they take it as a personal insult against them from you.

I remarked to him as I have in the past, that there is something amazingly liberating about coming to the realization that everyone around you is convinced you're going to hell. Just kinda takes the pressure if!

So with that in mind - specifically that I'm going to hell, today's post (well actually today's second post) is brought to you by lust!!

But first, since I think most of my readership fall into the female persuasion, and because I believe in equal opportunity for lust...

Ladies, in a special clip from the Jay Leno show... Here you go!

And if it helps (I know it did Mrs. Koda), he is barely 18, so don't worry about any legal consequences of said lusting!

And finally gentleman, please enjoy!

And actually if you really want to enjoy that song - might I suggest the official music video - on which, unfortunately embedding has been disabled. You can enjoy it right here.


Here's the thing folks... I do love Christmas.

If I could cite as evidence, this somewhat blurry and low budget picture of the current nocturnal state of the Koda household.

And not only that, but I'm thinking I could very well be adding to the display if the weather holds out through the coming weekend.

But that said...

Am I totally alone and off base on this, but is anyone else just intensely annoyed by Christmas Carols on the radio? I mean, I have a radio station that I would rather listen too over anything else, but this morning as I headed to the pool, I turned it on and got... "Sleigh bells ring and you listening, in the snow the"

And that was where it ended, because I switched over to the hard rock station and got a little Beastie Boys, some P.O.D and a smidge of Metallica.

Aaaaaah! So much better.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Cards and Cremation

It's been an interesting weekend. We had 7 house guests all last week, and then hosted 25 people for Thanksgiving dinner. I tried a unique experience called the iFly, ran half-way up Frary Peak on Antelope Island, and as I left the pool this morning I had a brilliant idea for a post, which has since left my mind, likely never to return.

There is one thing stuck in my mind... I was awakened from a dream shortly after 2 this morning. I think I was doing some kind of trick of something, but the end result was me lying in a coffin. Not only that, but it seemed like I was inside of a pine box, inside of a coffin. Both were open, but at that point, my 7 year old daughter appeared on the scene and tried to close both boxes.

My initial thought was that I could just push the lid open, but then I realized that the pine box and the coffin would open in difference directions, making that tricky to do.

Then I started thinking that perhaps I could do the Kill Bill, Kung Fu trick and break my way out of the coffin, except a) I'm not that strong, b) I don't actually know any Kung Fu and c) Have you ever felt how strong and heavy a coffin is?

Then I started to panic. What if the coffin got latched, and they just assumed I was dead and buried me. I was over come with total terror, convinced that I would be doomed to suffocate alone inside a dark, empty and confined box.

Yeah - try going to sleep after you wake up from that!! I did finally drop back to sleep for an hour or two, before the alarm went off, and the thought which did it, was a solid resolved to be cremated. Although in hindsight, would burning be more or less painful that suffocation? It would be quick, but it would likely hurt a whole lot more, and I am somewhat of a wuss when it comes to pain.

Perhaps with this being Monday and all, a less morbid start to the week might be a little better... A good friend sent me this a few minutes ago...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Just overheard someone complaining about President Obama.

And if he decides to send 30,000 more troops into Afghanistan, we've got to find a way to pay for that as well... You know, when you start a war without an exit strategy....

I'm glad my sport of choice is running and not baseball, because being beaten over the head with a running shoe is not likely to be fatal.

Words of Wisdom

Kind of a more serious post today, but these quotes kinda got me thinking and I hope they can do the same for you.

First, courtesy of Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Non-Conformity fame:

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
George Elliot

And then a re-tweet from Monica Bielanko from someone or some group called hotdogsladies:

Theory: As long as strangers hold the power to affect your mood, you are deeply and fundamentally f*cked.

Monday, November 23, 2009

My Deity and The Book

I don't know if I've posted any Mr. Deity video's before... I guess I could look, but that would require effort, and well... It's Monday!

Anyway, so below is a Mr. Deity video from his first season. If you go over to my other blog, I have another video from the creator which is a little more serious, discussing the Christian origins of the United States.

From Crackle: Mr. Deity and the Book

That's What He Said...

There is this guy in Utah politics, called Chris Buttars. He's said some pretty inflammatory things about homosexuals in the past, like comparing them to Islamic terrorists and that kind of thing.

He had a quote last week that takes the cake though...

"I meet with the gays here and there and they were in my house two weeks ago. I don't mind gays, but I don't want them stuffing it in my throat all the time and especially in my kid's face"

From here.

I can explain it to my more innocent readers if I need to!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Looking to the Stars

So I grew up in the Southern Hemisphere. It was a small suburb just outside of Johannesburg in South Africa. I miss a lot of the things that I grew up with from the mild winters to the backyard pools.

As I woke up this morning, and went outside to clear the ice from the windows of my car, I realized one of the things I miss the most.

The sky was clear and the stars stood out brilliantly against the dark black of night. High above my head Orion's belt stood out clearly. I looked south, wondering if perhaps there was some way I could see the Southern Cross.

I don't think I can, although I've been wondering about it in recent months, since there is a key part of the cross over between paganism and christianity which involves the Southern Cross, and since both appear to have originated predominantly in the Northern Hemisphere, they had to have been able to see it.

I think of all the things I miss. Looking up and see the Southern Cross with her two pointers, ranks really high on the list.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

How It Happened...

I wonder if that would work...

Unique Names

I, like most of you get a great deal of spam. Fortunately Outlook does a fairly decent job of filtering it out, and on occasion has even sent the odd letter from the SIL to the Junk Folder. It's really very intelligent.

Lately, although I'm not sure why, I've been sent advertisements for contact lists for Dentists and Doctors. Something about the emails must look legit because they aren't being filtered out with the Viagra and Horny Wives Club emails.

Today's email I found particularly amusing - well... amusing for SPAM at least... The subject was...

RE: Lists of MDs and Dentists

and then sender

Talley Poliomyelitis

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Devil went to Jamaica

Profound Optimism

Folks, I awoke this morning with a profound sense of optimism about life. So much so that I then spent far too much time in the shower with my mind racing which I thought about all the possibilities available, and was subsequently late for work.

I think the Urban Koda community may be changing a little in the weeks and months to come, along the linesof what I'm thinking...

Stay tuned it's going to be fun!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's Dark Vader!

I got sent this link today from a good friend of mine living in New Zealand... I'm hoping it appeals to a broad audience, and if not I'll try and come up with something better later today!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009


I'm not sure how to categorize this...

Just got a text message from a friend...

Obama wants to put sterilizing chemicals in drinking water in high population areas to control population growth... Pass it around

Words can't.... I can't....

Off to bang my head against a wall.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Amazed at Human Interest

I was just looking over my Facebook profile - and as I've said before, if you want to know the real Koda, just shoot me an email or leave a comment indicating you want to know me IRL and I'll see if I can facilitate a connection!

Anyway, so there I was looking over my profile and I noticed something. Usually my status updates will get a comment or 2 at the most.

On Saturday, I posted a picture of Koda Kid #3 and Koda Kid #4 dressed up as Care Bears. I thought it rather adorable, although in an effort at full disclosure, Kiddo #4 is male in gender, and were it not for his apparent overly abundant reserves of testosterone evident in everything else he does, I would have been more concerned with his choice of costume.

Anyway, so 1 adorable picture up.... 1 comment. And it wasn't even from close friends or family, but from the lady I had do a running assessment on me a few weeks back. She's awesome though, and I did appreciate her comment.

Fast forward to Sunday... I spend an hour out on my bike doing mile long interval repeats, and yes it's about as exciting as it sounds. I have a wee electronic device though that tracks my cadence (pedaling speed), speed, heart rate, elevation and a host of other things.

On returning and plugging the device into my computer, I noticed that one set of data was more consistent than all the others. So I pulled up the graph of everything my device tracks and it was like a big flashing star, indicating that at a particular cadence, my heart rate dropped and my speed seemed to increase.

So... excited about a data set of containing what I would consider exceedingly boring, were it not mine, and were I not a numbers geek, and a personal discovery about finding my cycling sweet spot - again, of minimal interest to anyone else...

I figured I'd stick this out on Facebook as a status post - mostly because... Yes, that was the highlight of my day.

I've got 15 comments on it and 3 likes on it!!!! Are people that starved for entertainment, or are they that messed up (Like me) and think that this is cool? And of those 15, only one appears to have been sarcastic! I should qualify though, by messed up, I'm mean unhealthy obsessions with working out and/or biometric statistics.

Don't get me wrong though - I did appreciate the comments, and most, if not all were great to read.

Today, my IT Bands started acting up. Actually it's been acting up for a couple of weeks, but I've got a half iron distance triathlon on Sunday, and I may have pushed it a little hard in training yesterday. I'm getting a wee bit nervous, and the last thing I want is to have it seize up mid-way through the run and end up doing the hop along of shame, while very nice and concerned citizenry constantly inquire as to my welfare. "I'm fine thanks, just made some lousy training decisions, and now I'm paying for it!".

Anyway, so this week will involve limited running and cycling, much swimming and yoga, and then a health dose of IT Band specific stretches and rolling with a foam roller, which is rather painful, but works REALLY well.

So with those plans, I decided to post a status on Facebook about giving my IT Band a dirty look, and a threatening... Don't you dare... Don't you dare...

I didn't think it would garner much interest, but people are truly awesome! Lot's of good advice, lots of encouragement... 22 comments worth! Some funny, some serious, and all appreciated.

I've found I have a habit of using self-deprecating humor. When I was younger, I was a true nerd, and had a magnificent set of Bugs Bunny teeth to help it along. Perhaps it evolved from that.

I'm not sure why I do it, but it gets a laugh on occasion! In all seriousness though, I'm really not the great big pussy that I pretend to be at times - I swear!!!

Anyway, so while wallowing in self-deprecation... while not really wallowing... My good friend E was kind enough to share this video.

Bottom-line... It's kind of interesting that people find aspects of my life worth commenting on, especially those parts which I would think would be of least interest. But with that said, I'm grateful that people do genuinely care. I'm associated with some truly amazing folks!

Pigs - Top News Story of 2009

Now I know traditionally pigs haven't always been peoples favorite animals. Thanks to the Jews we have them classified as unclean animals. Interestingly enough this idea come from the same section in the Bible where anti-gay activists claim their proof against homosexuality. I wonder how many anti-gay folks like a side of bacon with breakfast?

But I digress...

Perhaps the biggest news story of the year for pigs has been SWINE FLU, which was then classified as H1N1, since rumor has it that someone from the Pig Board complained, and then a couple of weeks back I heard a newscaster refer to it as "Swine flu, the virus formally known as H1N1", and I'm not entirely convinced that he was joking.

There have also been a number of advertisements featuring pigs. At the beginning of the year, advertisements against cable television (in favor of Satellite Television) came up with the "Cable Hog". A pig was used to represent the Cable Company, and the slogan of "Don't feed the pig" was attached.

A few days ago, I noticed a new ad on the radio, funded by a CPA association in Utah, encouraging people to save money. They're using the slogan, "Feed the pig".

And then this morning, there was a whole ad on "Energy Hogs" encouraging consumers to abandon their energy hogs (Non-programmable thermostats, old appliances, badly insulated attics etc.)

So you need to feed the pig, by getting rid of the energy hog, while not feeding the pig, and then wash your hands to avoid getting Swine/N1H1/Swine flu.

I'll tell you this though... Took the three youngest Koda's to the farm on a preschool field trip a few weeks back, and they had a couple of the cutest little piglets you can imagine. We weren't supposed to, but I grabbed some hay, and we all got to FEED THE PIGGIES!!

Monday, November 02, 2009

A Hot Babe Trifecta First

I've decided to make a change in the trifecta again...

Traditionally I've only had it featuring young lasses of the cinematic and theatrical type, but there has been a person hanging around on the outside of my vision who I think needs a chance. It was actually brought home to me by an online interaction earlier today, which any reader who is a also Gator fan might understand.

Anyway folks, let me introduce to you... young Desiree Ficker. Professional Triathlete and 10th place finisher in this past weekends New York Marathon. Even when she's haulin' ass and sweaty, she's still damned hot!!

I haven't cleared this change with Mrs. Koda just yet, but I think Desiree meets the qualifications of being someone who I would never stand even a snowballs chance with, so I'm thinking it will be OK.

If this post shows up missing and Ashley Green makes it back onto the list, you'll know why!

Halloween Pet Peeves

Sorry folks... I need to vent. Here are my top 3 pet peeves from Halloween:

1. People who come to a "Trunk or Treat", but park their car down the street. Thus showing up for treats without a trunk.

2. Kids who grab the candy without saying "Trick or Treat".

3. Parents who just laugh when their little scum bag of a kid, grabs a whole handful, and you're saying - "Just One... Just One... JUST ONE!!!!"

I don't mind giving candy to older kids either, especially if they make the effort dress up, but it was a little interesting to have a young monster's cell phone go off as he turned to go.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween Notice...

I've heard it said that Halloween is just a chance for girls to dress like sluts.

That may be true, but if it is, then I have two questions...

1. Why does this not happen in my neighborhood?

2. If it does, would you mind stopping by the Koda house to trick-or-treat tomorrow night?

Comment with a link to a picture of your costume, or email me at THE_WEB_MASTER at urbankoda.com with a picture, and if it's appropriate, I'll make sure you have my address.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Halloween Report

Folks, I'm afraid Lt. Dangle was unable to make an appearance this year... I've been kinda swamped with work, and though I did try, all the places I looked had neither a short, wavy blond wig, nor a mustache.

But let me vow that at this time next year, I will have grown out my hair (It's currently buzzed due to race season.) and I shall grow facial hair, both of which I shall have bleached the day before Halloween, and Gosh Dang it, I am going to win the costume contest at work next year!

So, instead, out of options, I went to work as Road Kill today. White stripes adorned the left side of my entirely black outfit to make the road, while on the right a small stuffed skunk toy was taped to my shirt with tire imprinted red duct tape.

About half the people who saw me figured it out, and even then it still seemed kinda lame.

Anyway, so while young Ms. Morgan Mouse is likely relieved that I did not inflict myself upon the world in a police belt and teeny weeny shorts, I feel like I need to offer the rest of you some kind of consolation.

I found the following video on another blog.

It's an active, practicing Mormon girl who is also a comedian... As I started watching, I was wondering if non-mormons would even find this funny. It's always a little tricky with stuff like Mormon comedy, since many of the jokes are the inside kind.

Folks, have no fear however...

If you watch the video, you may find the first part funny, or you may not...

You need to get through it though to get to the end.

I don't care if you're gay, straight, atheist, Jehovah's Witness or some confused Islmo-fascist....

You will literally laugh your arse off watching this video...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Some Give and Take

OK folks, after wrapping up humour/humor week on Being the Urban Koda, I wanted to get your advice...

I've actually enjoyed trying to focus on the lighter side of life over the past week, and I'm hoping you've enjoyed the break from the political and religious rantings of a man who may not be completely emotionally and mentally stable. Hey - even my own parents have suggested that I seek professional help!

So here's what I want to know... My intent was to make this blog fairly light and comical and to relegate my cynical rantings and critical observations to my other blog - The Koda Think Tank. From time to time however, content from that blog creeps over to this one. Do you like it when that happens, or do you think I try and keep this blog clear of any part of that?

All suggestions and advise are welcome...

Next, if I may offer some advice to the Republican Party and perhaps to Conservatives in general. I've been noticing political bumper stickers over the past few weeks from last years election. Utah may be one of the few states where sporting a bumper sticker in support of the candidate who lost a past election may be seen as a badge of honor.

I've noticed there are two main types of bumper sticker out there...

1 - The Pro Obama type of bumber sticker (Somewhat rare in Utah, but you can find them)

2 - The Anti Obama type of bumber sticker (Actually very prevalent in Utah)

To an outsider it might appear as though there was only really one choice in the election last year and it was a yes or no vote. Do you want Obama or don't you?

I think the problem with Mr. Obama's opponents... Who was it again... Oh yeah, old man McCain and his yappy little 'maverick' lap dog from Alaska. Anyway, the problem was that they didn't really stand for anything. Their entire platform was "I'm not Obama", "Obama is a black, marxist, socialist" and "Obama's really a citizen of the Country of Africa". Of course there were the lesser issues, of "I was a POW" and "Everyone's being mean to poor 'I can see Russia from my house' Pallin". But that was about the extent of their campaign.

My advise to Conservatives...

1 - Get a backbone, and figure out what you stand for and than try actually standing for it. Your previous candidate ran on a platform of building the economy and fiscal responsibility, and just like Larry Craig's stated heterosexual preferences, that turned out to be a huge freakin' joke - or it would be if he hadn't racked up the deficit like a 13 year old girl with a stolen credit card.

2 - Quit being so damn whiny.

3 - Quit with the dirty politics.

4 - Quit pandering to your buddies who hide their corruption behind big money bribes/lobbying.

5 - Actually read the Constitution and apply it equally to you and the other side.

I see the Conservative platform as one which would embrace freedom. It's about lower taxes, less government spending and opposed to corporate and government corruption. In many ways I really, really would like to support something like that.

Why don't you start trying to be a positive catalyst for change! Instead of deriding change as some pernicious evil.

My idea's may be a little far fetched for most of the party, but lets be honest here guys... What you've got going right now, obviously doesn't work!!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Oui Oui!!

I don't usually post anything on Friday's but.. Gosh Dang it, I thought this was awesome...

I'm thinking I want to be French!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

True Story

I have a friend from my tri club who owns his own car wash business.

He posted this on Facebook last night...

So this old man at the carwash is complaining that the $5 wash doesn't include the dryers at the end. He says and I quote "For $5 I wanted a blow job too like the one by my house." I immediately say "I'm not sure of the going... rates, but I think that will cost substantially more than $5 around here."

He then followed up with....

I was amazed. I held a straight face the whole time. He didn't get what he was saying for 20-30 seconds then just turned and drove away.

I'm still killing myself laughing over the whole thing... However if that didn't get you going, try this one on... It's not a true story - at least not that I'm aware of, but all credit goes to my good friend E for the find...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Time - Bombs and Travel

Mrs Koda went shopping on Monday and as part of the weekly groceries grabbed herself a box of FiberOne chewy bars - the Chocolate flavored variety. Or so she thought....

On arriving home and putting them away, she realized that she had in fact purchased the Chocolate Mocha variety.

Just to share a little background here... I love the taste and smell of coffee. It brings back good memories from events in my past, and, but for one reason I would hang a bag of freshly roasted beans in my car. That one reason is...

Mrs Koda, intensely dislikes the smell of coffee, and on the few occasions that she's tried a coffee flavored foodstuff, she has not enjoyed it at all.

I found out about this last night, when I arrived home from a particularly strenuous workout at the track and had the munchies...

I was offered the FiberOne Chocolate Mocha flavored bars. If I may say, they are absolutely delicious. In addition to all kinds of tasty and chewy ingredients, they also have 9g of dietary fiber, which amounts to 35% of the recommended daily amount.

That was a little over 12 hours ago, and currently there is only one remaining bar in a box which originally held 5. I should add too that my diet over the last 12 hours has included a fair amount of fiber from other sources too.

Folks, there is a ticking time bomb in my stomach right now...

On an unrelated front, I have discovered a way to time travel! I can only do jumps of between 5 and 10 minutes and only in one direction. I'm hoping to find a way to travel in the other direction. Either way, you can expect a full report on it from me tomorrow.

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

Just another service brought to you by the Urban Koda. Today's challenge is to complete at least one of these, and report!

  1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down

  2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

  3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

  4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

  5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

  6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

  7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

  8. Don't Use Any Punctuation

  9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

  10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

  11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

  12. Sing Along At The Opera.

  13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

  14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

  15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.

  16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name "Rock Hard".

  17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

  18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

  19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

311 Posts

Aside from being a slacker and missing a post yesterday, I also realized that the Halloween related posted was #311. Now you many not see the significance of such a number, but believe me... It's SIGNIFICANT!

Why you may ask....?

Monday, October 19, 2009

Halloween Idea...

So I didn't get a whole lot of help from my huge population of readers on the Halloween Costume question - although I do appreciate both of you reading :-)

I've had an idea though...

Click Here

What do you think?

The Power of a Dollar

I know it's humor/humour week, and while this was a sad and frustrating experience, I share it with you in the hopes that someone may be able to find some glimmer of joy in the face of my misfortune...

On Friday night we rented a couple of movies from RedBox. For those who are unaware, it's an automatic DVD rental system. The deal is that you pay a dollar a day for the movie, and you get to keep it until 9pm.

My initial experience with RedBox some years ago was pretty bad, but I've lightened up recently, mostly due to the fact that it's one of the few options left for people who like to rent movies.

Anyway, so Friday night, among a couple of other movies, we rented the Eddie Murphy movie - Imagine That.

Friday night, while the wife and I started watching our movie, the kids started watching this one. Kid #4 however didn't want to share a couch with Kid #3, who then irritated Kid #1, so he threw a fit, which upset Kid #2, who started to cry and throw a fit, and yada, yada, yada, I ended up shutting it all down and sending them to bed.

Saturday we didn't get home until close to midnight - me and wifey had a wee date to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and Sunday, it just didn't happen either.

So tonight, being Monday, I declared to be FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT. It started off rough. I ended up on a quick bike ride with my gym buddy, and then there was dinner, topped off with apple pie (part of the reason we missed the movie last night).

Finally at about 7pm we got things rolling. A couple of interruptions here and there, and by the time it was 8:50pm it looked like things were about to wrap up. I waited by the DVD Player with my shoes on, and car keys at the ready.

8:56pm the movie finished and as the credits started rolling, I hit eject, grabbed the disc and snapped it into the case I was holding open at the ready, and proceeded to fly downstairs, into my car and off to the Gas Station, which has a RedBox system in front of it.

8:58pm, I pulled up in front of the machine, left it running, lights on and all and ran over to the machine.

RebBox uses a touch screen to control the system. I should also point out that it was raining pretty hard, and I can now state with fair certainty that touch screens do not work when wet!

I tried drying the screen with my sleeve - which is still wet as I type, but to no avail.

Realizing I was up a creek, with less than a minute to go, I ran back to the car, slid out of the parking lot (Literally) and gunned the engine to fly over to Walmart. In case you were wondering, I drive a 95 Geo Prizm, with a 1.8 liter engine. And that little engine was squealing with all 23.3 horsepower it has.

8:59, I arrive in the Walmart parking lot, courtesy of a light which turned green right when I needed it to.

Now having to lock the doors, I lost valuable seconds, but then ran as fast as I could into the store, narrowly missing being hit by a car, and completely soaking my shoes as I ran through the big puddle in front of the store.

I flew by the Walmart greeter, "Hi, Howzit going!" and whilst trying not to slip on the floor, sprinted like Usain Bolt for the RedBox machine.

And as luck would have it, someone was there first.

Lets see, should I get this movie? Let me read the synopsis... Hmmmm... No let's look at the next page.... Oh, that one looks good... Is there someone breathing heavily behind me?

He turns and looks at me, gives me a crusty and returns to what he is doing....

Let's see, perhaps I could try searching by Genre... Oh let's look at this video... ooops, clicked the wrong one, better go back... Ooops back to far... Now, how did I get to that one again...

I'm torn... Part of me wants to strangle the guy.. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!! MAKE A DECISION ALREADY!!! And the rest of me, is slowly accepting the fact that I'm going to have to pay another dollar ( plus tax ) for the privilege of standing here, while Mr. I Can't decide what movie to get MAKES UP HIS FREAKING MIND!!!!

Finally I think he picks a movie, slowly reaches for his wallet, scans his card and completes his transaction.

I return my movie at 9:03pm. Slowly walking out of Walmart, wishing the greeter a good night. Slowly jog through the ran, not even bothering to avoid the puddle, and commence my drive of shame home...

All because I was trying to save a lousy dollar, which apparently lost even more value on the world market today...

On the plus side, I would recommend Imagine That. Eddie Murphy does a great job, and it really makes you think about your priorities, but in a good way! I need to get me some princesses!!

Walking Funny

Folks, I'm not going to lie to you... last week online was not very fun at all. In fact, it was so not fun, that I missed post #300.

Anyway, for a number of reasons...

1 - This is supposed to be a more humorous blog.
2 - To make up for missing post #300.
3 - Just because I feel like it.

I hereby declare this to be HUMOR WEEK on Being the Urban Koda!

Of course if you're from Africa, Australasia or Europe, I'm declaring it HUMOUR WEEK for you guys!

Please feel free to suggest any humorous type content which you think the other readers might enjoy, and I'll do my best to track down some funny and light hearted items to publish.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Worth a Second Look

Dealing with Trolls

Gentle readers, I've been blogging for 3 years now during which time, I've tried to keep this blog and my other blog as open as possible. We've had a few unpleasant guests over the years, and I've made a few unpleasant comments which I've been called on.

To offer two examples...

Right when I started, I did a post about African-Americans, and how I felt their biggest problem was that they had lost sight of their rich heritage. The post is here. In response to that post, so bigot with out the balls to identify himself, left 2 posts (trying to appear as two different people) espousing their racist souls. I left those comments up so people could see the kind of attitude that still exists in the US.

A little later, I put together a post about an annoying experience at Walmart. Part of that post involved a rant about the benefit program in Utah. I've changed my thinking a lot since then and largely because of the response I got. It's still one of the most click to posts on this blog as people try to find out more information about the program and are then offended by my comments. Personally I'm offended by my comments as well. I've thought about taking it down, but to me it serves as an important reminder of where I've come from, and why being a judgmental self-righteous pig like I used to be, is not a good thing. That post is here.

At the end of the day, I use these blog to share my opinions and learn from others. It is only by listening to other that I think we can grow, even if we don't like what they are saying.

On Tuesday of this week, a leader in the LDS Church gave a speech about the response to Prop 8 in California. Somehow he had the gall to compare the response to LDS involvement in the election to the treatment of blacks during the civil rights movement. A movement which ironically the LDS Church was vehemently opposed to. It was blatantly offensive to gays, blacks, and pretty much anyone else who doesn't follow the words of LDS leaders with blind and unquestioning obedience.

In response to my posting on the matter though, someone decided to respond. It was a member of the LDS Church, who decided to take on an alternate identity, and criticize my position on the matter, as well as my personal standing with the LDS Church.

Folks, Urban Koda isn't my real name. It's an online identity I created to protect myself and my family from things which I say. The character of Urban Koda is however based on me. It's the way I honestly feel about things, and once I get to know and trust someone, I have no problem sharing my true identity with them. Some of my closest and most active friends on FaceBook are people I have never met in person, but we began as friends through this and other blogs.

If you're going to assume another identity, please put some thought into the character!

Anyway, so this person was being disingenuous, and making baseless assertions that he defended vigorously, but got offended when we asked him to back them up. In addition to that, another reader accurately identified him as a shill to which he responded with profanity and indignation.

I don't like the idea of cutting someone off, since it's contrary to the type of society I would like to live in, but there comes a point when you've had enough ridiculous arguing and accusations of hostility. This person came with the intent to start a fight, and when didn't give it to him, I think he got frustrated.

I'll be honest too, that I like to have the last word in an argument, and so it makes it hard for me to let things drop - this may be due in part to my genetic history, my upbringing or 30 years of involvement with a religion that has to be right.

Anyway, so I've asked to troll not to return. Suspecting that he will no doubt respond with a string of profanity, questioning my integrity and all of that, I elected to turn comment moderation on. Hopefully I can catch any of his trollish comments in the future and so you won't be subjected to them.

I may turn this off again at some point, so we can return to the open community we had before, but for now, I feel this is the best course of action.

When Elder Russell M. Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve encouraged BYU-Hawaii students in December to use new media to promote discussion of the church, I don't think lying and being argumentative in online discussions was what he had in mind!

With Regret...

Folks, I'm afraid I've landed myself in a situation where I feel it necessary to turn on comment moderation. It means that if you leave a comment, it won't show up until I've approved it.

I'll explain why and all of that shortly. Unfortunately I need to go and take care of a matter which I found unpleasant but necessary.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

All Well and Good Except...

Here's a nice quote from that speech I talked about yesterday...

"We must insist on our constitutional right and duty to exercise our religious, to vote our consciences on public issues, and to participate in elections and debates in the public square."

Hey, I'd agree with that, except...

The LDS Church doesn't believe it's members should exercise their consciences on public issues if the hierarchy of the Church decides they should all vote one way.

Hey Elder Oaks... You'll all upset about intimidation and all... Are you going to haul my Stake President before a disciplinary council for calling me a traitor to the faith because I shared a different political opinion to you and the prophet?

Of course not, it's only intimidation when the other people do it. For you it's righteous guidance or something, because I'm not "worthy" enough to follow the right path prescribed for me by you...

Apparently Mr. Oaks has also not read his Church history either... One of the key reasons the Mormons were chased out of a settlement prior to Salt Lake City, was because they had formed a voting bloc. It didn't matter which candidate ran, the leader of the Mormons would tell them how to vote, and that was how they voted.

It was a problem then, it's a problem now, and don't try and hide it behind "Defending our religious freedom."

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Dude?!? Wrong Side!!

According to a story just published on Fox 13's website which you can read here...

SALT LAKE CITY - The anti-Mormon backlash after California voters overturned gay marriage last fall is similar to the intimidation of Southern blacks during the civil rights movement, a high-ranking Mormon says in a speech to be delivered Tuesday. Elder Dallin H. Oaks refers to gay marriage as an "alleged civil right" in remarks prepared for delivery at Brigham Young University- Idaho, a speech church officials describe as a significant commentary on current threats to religious freedom.

WTF MAN!! Mormons aren't the victims here! Prop 8 was about taking rights away from same sex couples, not persecuting Mormons. Just because you don't agree with the the orientation of someone does not mean they're coming after you. Taking away your religious rights?!? If anything, you tried to take away their rights, and they're justifiably upset.

The article also touches on the Churches history with Blacks.

You see, up until 1978, black men could join the LDS Church, but could not receive the 'priesthood'. The Doctrine (and it was taught as doctrine, and still is by some) was that Blacks bore the mark of Cain, as a result of unrighteousness in a prior life. This doctrine came into being because Brigham Young, somehow confused his racist bigotry with revelation from God. It also meant Black men could not marry in LDS Temples, and was supposed to help prevent miscegeny. Miscegeny was actually punishable by death according to Young, and at least one man was murdered when caught meeting with a white woman in the early days of Salt Lake City.

So with that tradition of racism, somehow now Mormons can compare themselves to the unjust persecution levied at Southern blacks during the Civil rights movement?

Freakin' Hell Man!!!

In many ways this is similar to the LDS Church joining forces with the Catholic Church to try and promote Prop 8. In the past the LDS Church has referred to the Catholic Church as the Whore of all the Earth and the Great and Abominable Church referred to in scripture... And now these guys are your allies in the cause for morality?!

I still maintain the homophobic policies of the LDS Church are a marketing scheme to try and recruit more of the conservative, zealot types who are disenfranchised with acceptance of the LGBT community of other Churches.

An Atheists Nightmare

Folks, I have a favor to ask... I'd like you to watch the following video, and then I have a question for you. There is no right or wrong answer, I just want to see if your first impressions were the same as mine. Thanks to Mr. TJ Shelby for the find.

Alright, so having watched that, here's the question:

Do you think that this video is:

A - A spoof by some guy with a wicked sense of humor, or

B - A fundamental christian presenting his deep personal belief that men and banana's were created in harmony with each other.

I'd ask that you take note of your honest feelings right now, and let me know in a comment to this post as to what they are.

OK, as promised... When I started watching it, I found myself chortling a little. I was at work at the time, so I couldn't laugh out loud, although, had I been at home, I think I may have done.

It's been said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but as my younger brother points out... It's still a form!!

I love sarcasm, and her close sister, little Miss Satire.

Unfortunately though, this gentleman is dead serious. He honestly believes that God created the banana with it's bio-degradable, perforated wrapper and ingenious color indicators, and created it to fit perfectly into our hands.

If you ask me, using a banana for this example does seem a little funny, don't the great apes like bananas?

As a final observation, as the man described the shape of the banana, with it pointed tip and gentle curve, I did almost lose it. Maybe it's just my filthy mind, but I swear he 'tossed' a couple of adianoeta's - Which is a fancy word for a double entendre. I decided to use it instead, since double entendre is kind of a 'mouthful'.

OK, OK, I'll stop now!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Wise Ramblings of an Old Man

For those of you who follow Twitter...

Might I recommend following the following gentleman, who was recommended to me by another friend a month or two back.


Today's offering...

shitmydadsays: "That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

Which makes me wonder if I would have had a shot at the hot little brunette in front of me at RedBox on Saturday night... Just so we're clear, being married, I wouldn't have and I didn't, but had I been single...

Funny, but not really...

I've been noticing more and more lately that when people who are opposed to homosexuality start arguing about it, invariably they invoke references to pedophilia and bestiality.

They're all completely separate things... And just to be clear: homosexuality is about attraction to someone of the same gender and in most cases where a relationship is pursued, it's consensual, at least in as many cases as a typical heterosexual relationship.

Pedophilia and bestiality are generally not consensual, and are completely different.

Actually if you're LDS and you're going to bring up the pedophilia argument, please be kind enough to explain when marrying 14 year old girls for sex is acceptable, and yet you try to use the term pedophile to add credibility to your argument against homosexuality.

Ultimately it all comes down to one question for me...

How does having someone else be attracted to a member of the same sex affect you?

It doesn't!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Lying for Jesus

I've noticed an interesting phenomenon over the years, something which doesn't seem confined to just Mormonism, and something which I have been guilty of in the past too.

When people speak of Christian values, I would suspect that in most, if not all cases, the idea of honesty comes up. Good Christians don't lie.


There seems to be an unwritten law, that if you're lying on behalf of Jesus, then it's OK.

This was brought home this week as I read a critique of a painting. You can view the painting here and the critique here.

I'm always amazed how certain people like to make a big deal about how this nation was founded on the principles of Christianity and that the bad part of America seems to have forgotten it, and yet, in reality, it wasn't.

Yet somehow, even when you bring up a point like that, they'll acknowledge it, and still find a way to justify it, and keep on spreading their ignorance around.

Interestingly enough... While looking at the painting in question, I had the following thoughts.

1. I wonder if the artist was tempted to paint Glenn Beck into the painting, as one of the zealots, trying to save this 'Christian' nation.

2. I wonder if this guy is a Mormon as well.

Well... Turns out the dude is a Mormon, and while it doesn't depict Beck, if you look closely at the Black college student, he's holding a copy of Skousen's 5 Thousand Years book, which seems to have become Becks personal scripture in recent years.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Flawed Logic

I spent my weekend reading, biking, shopping and cooking. Most other people in my neighborhood spent in front of their TV's, soaking up the words of wisdom from the Mormon Hierarchy in Salt Lake.

So that I didn't appear completely ignorant at work this morning though, I did spend a little time reviewing the conference online to see what was said - not that it would be anything different from what has been said in the past. Repent, avoid pornography and be obedient.

Turns out most of the conference was, but I came across this great statement...

Attacks on the Book of Mormon can't be true, because the Church still exists.

That may have been paraphrased, but.... Um, OK Dude, but by that logic, shouldn't any religion which is attacked for it's beliefs, but yet still exists, be a true religion? Catholics, Jehovah's witnesses, Muslims, Buddhism, Paganism...

And just so you're aware, many other Church's still use the Book of Mormon as well... Some even practice the original doctrines of polygamy!! So does the fact that they still exist imply that they are God's one true religion as well.

I've become someone amused and fascinated in recent years about attempts to prove scientifically that the principles of the LDS Church are true. 1 piece of evidence which supports the Book of Mormon as an historical evidence is held up as absolute proof, while anything which disputes it, like DNA evidence, is simply dismissed as a product of Intellectuals intent on destroying God's One True Church.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Your assistance for something Legen... Wait for it... DARY!!!

Alright folks... I know we've got some great minds out there.

It's coming up on the annual work Halloween party, and since I'm the lone representative from my team who likes to participate, I need to come up with a really cool costume.

By way of explanation, my team are all IT Geeks (myself included), so their lack of desire to participate is kind of understandably.


2 years ago, I did "The Man in the Yellow Hat", which went over fairly well, except I had to explain it to everyone - Seriously, did no-one watch Curious George as a kid?!

Last year I went as Dracula, and won most scary.

This year, I'm hoping for something on the humorous side...

Some ideas I've thought up already, include...

Road Kill - I dress in black, with a white, dashed line across the middle, and a critter (likely a donated stuffed toy) with a bloody tire mark through it to the side.

Sexy Nurse - I'll be doing a half ironman a week later, so I could just shave my legs a week early. I just worry about walking in high heels, and then there's the fact that I'll need to walk around like that all day...

Mrs Koda also has a genuine, full Indian Sari outfit - which would require a shaving of the stomach, but could work as well.

Anyone have any LEGENDARY ideas?

I'll post pictures!!

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Probably an honest mistake....

So there I was discussing matters of great importance with a co-worker this morning... And I made a somewhat humorous comment.

He responded with...


Which I figured was just him trying to do an lol and mixing up the letters.

I should add at this point that the l in the font I use doesn't have the like line at the top or bottom. So basically it was circle - long straight line - circle.

I was about to ask if he was trying to create a new, shorthand way of saying BS, but then my dirty mind kicked in...

Now, I'm wondering if I just got called a dick...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The M Question...

I just read the most hilarious blog posting and it reminded me of something....

Back when I was a missionary, I ended up in South Africa. The Mission President was an interesting guy. For those who don't know, the Mission President is the guy who oversee's all the missionaries in a given geographical area. Anyway, rumor has it that the Mission President was a bit of a sex addict. As far as we know he had always been faithful and all of that, but his excessive libido had almost ended his marriage, and as the rumor went, he had to be medicated to keep it under control.

That might all be completely false, but it did make sense when viewed alongside other things... For instance, I had to have a wee chat with him shortly after I got there about some 'fun' I'd had as a teenager. I may share more of the details at anther time about exactly why we had to have a wee chat, but what shocked me was his interest in all the intimate details of the 'fun' I'd had. I'd remarked at the time that it seemed like he 'got off' on it, and then when I heard the rumor...

Anyway, his office had large windows and a glass door. It was sound proof, so you couldn't hear anything, but you could see what was going on inside. One of the favorite things was to watch the look on a greeny's face (That's a brand spanking new missionary for those who don't know) and see if you could guess the exact moment when the M question was asked...

I remember when I was brand new... Sitting there, very jet lagged and out of my element. He asked about my family and my girlfriend. How I felt about being there and all of that, and then out of the blue...

"Elder, when was the last time you masturbated?"


Anyway, I'm sure there were a group of missionaries waiting outside all looking for my reaction. That's about all I remember about the incident...

He'd ask the same question anytime you were in an interview with him, and depending on your answer, he'd follow up with the W question...

"Elder, when was your last wet dream."

You see in his mind, if you claimed not to have a problem with the M question, and by not having a problem, I mean, not spanking the monkey on a regular basis. He assumed that you would be having regular wet dreams. Fortunately I never answered both questions in the negative, but I had a companion who did, and he got a whole long chat about how you had to have either on or the other...

Anyway, with that all laid out there...

Here's a rather humorous and perhaps a little informative look at the M institution and it's place in Mormon society.

Being your own best friend.

Accidentally on Purpose - A review

Accidentally on Purpose is a new sitcom on CBS.

They've decided to air it on Monday nights and it's up with some truly awesome shows... How I met your Mother, Two and a Half Men and the Big Bang Theory. So understandably I had some pretty high hopes for this new one.

The promotional material looked good and it stars Jenna Elfman, who I thought did an outstanding job in her role as Dharma in Dharma and Greg.

If I were to summarize this show, I would have to say it's about Bad Choices.

Let's review what I've seen of it so far...

Jenna, whose character's name is Billie begins the show in Paris with her boss, James.

From what I've seen James is the quintessential jerk. Billie is dating James despite this (bad choice), and he's her boss (Another bad choice).

So they're in Paris, and Billie expects him to propose, but instead he kind of does a non-proposal thing which I think the writers may have thought would be funny, but it wasn't.

Next we find ourselves back in the US, and Billie is at a bar with her friend, Olivia and younger sister, Abbey.

Olivia, comes across as the typical nasty old slut, and to make matters worse she has a thick, thick Scottish accent. It turns out the actress that plays Olivia is indeed Scottish, but I'm wondering if she was only cast because of the accent - bad choice in that case, since an accent does not funny make. Billy Connolly is funny, and he has an accent, but the two don't always go together.

Abbey is kind of quiet and looks nothing like her older sister - HELLO?!?! Casting people. They could not be more different, and from what I've seen of Abbey, she plays more of a 3rd wheel than anything else.

So there they are in the bar and some young guy starts hitting on Billie who is likely 10-15 years older than him.

Yada, yada, yada... They end up having sex on the futon at his friends apartment, while his friends are all in the next room.

Let's look at this...

One night stand - not the best choice, but she's on a rebound type thing, so I guess we can give it to her.

She ends up getting pregnant though... Picked up by a guy in a bar, taken back to his scungy friends apartment to have sex on a futon... And you didn't think to use a condom?!?? HELLO?!?

To this point, the show had yet to produce a laugh from me. Not so much as a chuckle.

I'll skip over the rest really quickly....

So Billie pregnant, because she's an idiot.

Young sperm donor ends up living in his van.

Billie invites him to move in with her, since he is the father, but she wants it to be platonic... Couldn't keep her legs together at their first meeting, but now she's wants to do it right. Whatever....

Sperm donor brings friends over to the house, so Billie wants to kick him out, but then it turns out he painted the nursery, so she lets him stay, but still it's all platonic.

Meanwhile sperm donor keeps showing up at work, creating what I think were meant to be funny scenes between him, her and her boss, while her annoying Scottish friend blabs on about being a reporter and needing the facts because that's what reporters do and I'm a reporter. Oh and did I mention she was a reporter.

It's a lousily written show, with a shoddy plot and acting which could possibly be better, but even if you had Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks acting, it would still be an awful show.

I watched episode 2 last night to see if perhaps it was just the first episode that had problems, but there appears to be a pattern.

Final synopsis of bad choices...

CBS for even considering putting this on the air.
Jenna Elfman who allowed herself to be cast in this train wreck of a show.
and finally me, for starting to watch episode #2. I did however come to my senses and turn it off after 5 minutes though.

Monday, September 28, 2009

I have an idea...

This is an idea aimed solely at my readership who have an LDS background, but who have questions and concerns about the faith. I don't mean to exclude anyone, but if you read through the following, you'll understand...

This idea all started a year or so back, when I read about a personality test which was conducted by Bob McCue on those who had left the LDS (Mormon) faith.

I have collected data in the post-Mormon community online that indicates that certain Meyers-Briggs personality types are more likely to question their religious beliefs than others. Particularly, those who are introverted (as opposed to extroverted); intuitive (as opposed to sensing); and thinking (as opposed to feeling) are more likely to seriously question Mormonism. My data sample size and the manner in which it was collected, however, were such that these conclusions are tentative at best. I am in the process of preparing a larger and more reliable survey that will address the same issue.

In my experience in the past couple of years with people similar to myself, who feel a need to question, I would have to say I have found that to be true.

I've read a couple of blog posts lately as well, touching on the topic of sociality within Mormon communities. Mormon communities are just interesting. People tend to be categorized as member vs. non-member. If your neighbor is a non-member, you are wary of them, but will reach out to them as a way to attract them to the faith. If they're members however, you can socialize with them, but always need to be on guard that you're Sunday face is on. Heaven forbid people discover that you're not perfect.

I'll be the first to admit that the above is somewhat generalized, and there are various nuances to the culture surrounding that, but moving from a non-Mormon community to a very Mormon community in the last decade, that has been my observation.

For someone who questions the faith, or may not be as faithful in following it, you run into a couple of problems.

You don't really fit in with the 'Mormon Community' any more, and even if you do, things change. Mrs Koda and I have become 'projects' for various neighbors over the last couple of years, and it's been both annoying and down right insulting.

You don't really have any non-Mormon friends, since you have forgotten how to relate to them. This is of course more of a problem in neighborhoods with a high percentage of active Mormons.

You may not have the best social skill-set either since Mormonism tends not to promote very close relationships with other members.

Add to the fact too, that if you're like me, you're kind of an introvert, and getting out and meeting new people is really hard.

Some of us have supportive spouses, but many don't.

In many cases extended family either disown, or else rally around to stage interventions and similar crap which does more harm than good. Neither option is very pleasant.

In my case I'm lucky. I have a supportive wife, a number of awesome non-Mormons whom I work with, and joining a tri-club last year has helped tremendously as well. I feel like I belong somewhere and can associate with normal people. Mrs Koda however spends most of her life at home with the Koda clan, and views both myself and my tri-buddies with a large degree of suspicion (We're not exactly normal, so I guess it's deserved!!)

So I've been concerned about her, and about others who aren't so lucky, especially stay-at-home moms and others who don't have a large network of non-mormons to turn to...

So, here's my idea...

I was thinking about forming a group that could get together and form some good solid relationships. Get to know new people, and hopefully help each other through the rough times. I don't want it to turn into a Mormon bashing group, and in fact, I think the less we discuss Mormonism the better. Just a group of people with a similar cultural background, who would like the opportunity to meet each other and be themselves in a non-judgmental atmosphere.

Alright, here's the plan...

First, I'm not going to post anything online about any meetings. Many of us are a little paranoid about those in our neighborhoods, families and wards finding out that we're struggling with Mormonism. If you want in, leave a comment and I'll find a way to get hold of you so we can arrange something. If you'd rather not even leave a comment, just shoot me an email to Koda at UrbanKoda dot Com. I'll keep your privacy and anonymity in the highest regard, since I know how sensitive all of this can be.

Second, I'm South African, and we have a thing we do down there called a Bring & Braai (Pronounced bry). A braai is basically a BBQ. The idea is you bring meat for you and your family, and a side of some sort - Kind of like a potluck, except you cook the meat at the party - let's the men be men and the ladies have a chance to chat, unless of course the ladies would prefer to handle the cremation of the meat themselves.

I'm willing to host an event like this at my home in Northern Davis county (Utah), but since there may be a higher concentration of my readers in Salt Lake and Utah counties, we could try and do it at a park down there as well.

I've also got 5 kids, ranging in age from 9 down to 1. So this will be a very family friendly type event.

For my readers not in Utah, I'd encourage you to try and get something like this going in your area.

Anyway, so if you're interested... Let me know if you would like to be involved, and where you would be willing to meet, and we can take it from there.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Quit having gay babies!

Mr. TJ Shelby posted some awesome Prop 8 signs on his blog today...

My favorite is the "They're the ones that keep having gay babies" sign.

Check it out here.

And let me know your favorite!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You can thank me later...

This is targeted primarily at my male readership, although if there are any female readers who will benefit from this, you are most welcome as well.

This article is too good to try and do justice to with commentary, so let me just send you in the right direction...

Greatest article of all time.

I'll shall be sharing it with Mrs Koda when she returns from the store. Perhaps I won't have to train as hard on my bike for the IronMan next year as I had expected... providing of course that she cooperates!!


It's a funny thing... I remember when I was a kid, I had my fair share of run in's with bullies. I was a math geek and didn't play any sport, so I kind of had it coming.

But I was always told to just walk away. And I think a few times I may have been told, that walking away was the sign of a true man.

And then on one occasion, my mother accused me of 'using my girlfriend'. Which was funny because she'd tried everything she could to break us up, and my sullen mood was because things were getting rather rocky. I remember her saying though that if she found out that I was, that she would never forgive me. I think using a girlfriend would qualify as a form of bullying as well.

Looking at my own life, I'm not sure how I'd handle it if one of my kids ends up being bullied, but I do know that if they were ever the aggressor, we'd be having a serious chat, and likely more.

I think these feelings towards bully's are pretty universal. No-one likes them unless you're some dysfunctional turd.

Anyway, so with this all came to mind as I was reading an article posted on facebook by a friend. Despite very right leaning opinions, this person didn't dump me as a friend when I voiced support for Obama's speech to school kids, so I felt I'd return the favor and honestly consider her ideas too.

The article was in the Telegraph, a british newspaper, and you can read it in it's entirety here.

The paragraph that got me thinking about this was this one though...

The president scores highly at the UN for refusing to project American values and military might on the world stage, with rare exceptions like the war against the Taliban. His appeasement of Iran, his bullying of Israel, his surrender to Moscow, his call for a nuclear free world, his siding with Marxists in Honduras, his talk of a climate change deal, have all won him plaudits in the large number of UN member states where US foreign policy has traditionally been viewed with contempt.

Refusing to project American values and military might on the world stage... OK... I like the Constitution of the United States and I like the way of life it affords me. However, just because I like it doesn't mean everyone has too. It's like people who get involved in religion or pyramid schemes. They think it's great, but it gets really annoying when they project it on you, doesn't it.

So the president doesn't want to bully other countries in to following our beliefs. Amen to that!!

Bullying of Israel... Let me state up front, that the holocaust was horrific and should never have happened. That said though, using that as an excuse to mistreat people who you think are second class citizens is dead wrong, and pretty hypocritical. I'm not excusing either side in the middle east conflict, but the fact remains that Israel exists because of the money the US continually sends to prop them up. Has Obama proposed withdrawing that funding, and is that what we mean by 'Bullying' here, or has he decided that to attempt peace, perhaps we need to consider the rights of all parties involved.

his call for a nuclear free world... That Bastard!! How dare he try to end production and use of nuclear weapons. From those in Southern Utah who died of cancer due to nuclear fall out from testing, to the masses of civilians killed at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, I think they all join me in shouting down this 'Bully' who has the audacity to try and rid the world of the horror of nuclear weapons.

I'm going to stop there, but I'm sure I could fill another couple of paragraphs just answering this one paragraph.

Please feel free to disagree, but in your answer be sure to address the following as well:

The huge profits made for certain US industries as a result of the US war in Iraq under George W. Bush and the lies he told to get us there.

The fact that the removal of Saddam Hussein is now considered to have been an humanitarian mission, but the Bush administration did nothing to stop the humanitarian crisis in Zimbabwe or Darfur.