Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Monday, June 28, 2010


I just got home from the track... I did 1.5 miles barefoot and the rest in my shoes!

As I walked in, and was taking off my shoes, a news story about Immigration came on the TV.

What was reported defies any explanation, introduction or whatever else I can give it!

Here... Read...

Attorney General and LDS Latino activist call on Church to take an immigration position

First perhaps let me share my favorite quotes...

Tony Yapias, Latina activist an LDS member said...

"We know in Utah that if you're going to get anything done at the Capitol, you have to go to the Church."

I mean, we all know it's true, but I still can't believe he had the balls to say it on TV!!!

And then the bit about Mark Shurtleff...

Late Monday afternoon, the Attorney General's office confirmed that Mark Shurtleff is also calling on the LDS Church to take a position on this issue.

That's right... The Attorney F*cking General of the State of Utah, the person who is supposed to represent the interests of the people of Utah. This man, experienced in law, chief legal guy in the state of Utah, doesn't have the balls to stand up and make a decision. Either that, or he is proving to all who read that statement, that he is beholden to the leader of the LDS Church.


Soccer Fever

I've been really getting into a couple of the matches from the World Cup in South Africa. Yesterday I even skipped Church to watch the England / Germany game live... Although to be completely honest, I would have skipped church yesterday to watch the grass grow, the neighbors dog urinate on my lawn, or the clouds drift by.

There was some cool stuff in yesterdays game which I'm going to sit down and blog about later today... (Netherlands and Slovenia start in the next half hour), but I wanted to share something with you, which I thought was hilarious.

So we're watching the USA vs. Ghana game on Saturday, and the commentator says the following with respect to the goalkeeper for the US.

"... has suffered from Tourette's Syndrome for most of a his life. A great quote by him..."

To which I responded... "Mother f#*&#*@!"

Mrs. Koda was not visibly amused at all, but am I wrong here, or was that not comedic gold?!?

Anyway, which all due respect to Mr. Howard... He does appear to be a remarkable man, who has overcome much. His story was actually quite inspiring when they featured it, just prior to the game.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Coward We Empowered

Some one sent me a link to a new song by Eminem last week. It has nothing to do with this post, but I liked the lyrics. If you're not an Eminem fan, you may not enjoy it, and it does have some language in it which some may find offensive.

After watching that on YouTube, I saw a link to another clip call Mosh, which looked like it had some interesting imagery. The language has been censored on this on, but I think it's worth watching, even if you're not an Eminem fan.

I had some interesting thought after watching that.

Let's consider the Tea Party folks for a minute. I may have stated it before, but on a positive note, I do think that the idea behind the movement, that we need to be more engaged in the political process is a good one.

But that aside...

This video was released in 2004, and I suspect that, had most of the Tea Party folks of today seen it back then, they would have called Mr. Mathers a traitor, an anti-American and a terrorist sympathizer. Some might even have gone so far as to suggest that he be tried on charges of treason, or have his citizenship revoked.

Interestingly enough, I suspect that except for the timing, 99% of the sentiments expressed in this video would apply to the Tea Party folks. Well except for the ending...

In a video involving disillusioned members of minority groups, people who find themselves in dire circumstances and those of society to whom we'd rather not relate, you would expect that the solution would involve more violence and threats about violence... Instead the video advocates change through the process of democracy... Voting to effect change and letting your voice be heard.

Which them brings up something interesting... Some of the Tea Party folks are my age, but most are older. My exposure to them at one of their rally's, was that they tend to be older white folks... Older white folks all pissed off with the government for growing as big as it has, and for the current economic crisis.

These things they're pissed off about haven't just come about in the last couple of years either... They're things which have taken years and decades to build, and they've all been built by the politicians that these same old white folks voted into office. The Bushs, Clintons, Reagans and other leaders of the past.

A video I posted the other day, on my other blog here, made reference to Mr. Obama's campaign. It was an interesting observations which was made. Mr. Obama ran his campaign on Change. Change which was sorely needed, but a change which needed to take place within everyone who was involved. I think far too many on the left have shirked their responsibility to effect change, thinking that merely voting for the President was the extent of their engagement, and I think far too many on the right see the need for Change, but are barking up the wrong tree.

If you're one of the old white folks, and you're pissed off by the current state of affairs... How about you take a good long look in the mirror, before trying to control the future of a generation which you've already managed to screw over?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Consequences of Gay Marriage

Courtesy of RubyRose1 an MTV presenter in parts of the world I would like to live, apparently.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Conspiracy Solved

For a long time, I've wondered whether or not the events on 9/11 were either orchestrated, or allowed to unfold by members of the Bush Administration.

Today I heard perhaps the most compelling piece of evidence against that idea, courtesy of Mr. Michael Shermer.

Do you know how we know that the Bush Administration was not involved in 9/11? Because it worked!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Primerica and the Capitalist Parallel

I've ranted about Primerica before, and actually it's gotten quite a large number of hits from search engines. Usually people are looking for links between Primerica and Mormonism. I don't think there are any, other than the fact that Mormons love Multi-level marketing scams, like Primerica, and I've had a couple of people try to get me into the scam, citing that the CEO is a Mormon.... Served a couple of missions and all kinds of stuff, none of which appears to be verifiable online.

The thing that has always amused and pissed me off about Primerica flunkies, is that most of them start their sales pitch off with a discussion about how much debt they were or are in, and how they could give me a financial needs analysis and help me become financially independent.

Now, I'm definitely a long, long way from being anywhere even in the same neighborhood as financially independent, but I'm not entirely convinced I need the help of someone who is up to their eyeballs in debt in order to get there.

Which brings me too my capitalist parallel... People love to tout the benefits of capitalism, and I would agree that on paper and in principle, it does have it's merits. As an example of a realistic example, the merits of Capitalism are usually tied to the US economy, and how great it is, and how it's the proof that capitalism works.

The thing is, the US is one of the most indebted nations, if not the most indebted nation on the planet.

From where I sit... what Capitalism has done, is allowed corporations to rape not only the American people, but the country itself, and the worst part is that they still have an army of minions out there spouting forth the propaganda about how capitalism will save us... And yet, I suspect most of those spouting forth this crap will ultimately be hurt by the very ideals they're promoting.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Oil Spill

It's sad how to reality this seems to be, but if this wasn't so close to reality, it probably wouldn't be as funny.

When it comes down to it, I'd actually rather forgo the laughs.

World Cup Fever

There's a little world cup fever in the Koda household. Very little, since it's confined entirely to me. Mrs. Koda and the wee tribe of Koda kids really couldn't give two hoots.

Two funny tweets from Andy Borowitz yesterday which I felt were worthy of passing on...

England's goalkeeper told reporters he'd perform better next game, then dropped the microphone.

And this as a pick up line...

Baby, I'll stop blowing my vuvuzela if you'll blow this.

And on the subject of Vuvuzelas... Alyssa Milano, former member of my hot babe trifecta, tweeted this last week. It was actually a link to 31 things you need to know about the world cup, but the host site had certificate errors, and some of the things just weren't that funny. Actually most of them aren't, but here it is anyway... My thoughts in italics. The original is here

1 Vuvuzelas
Those big damn horns will blare everywhere: In the streets, stadiums and bathtubs, probably. Experts are already warning fans to expect hearing loss. Several groups, including Japan’s football association, have called for the stadium horn to be banned from games. FIFA has refused.

They're those things which make it sound like a massive swarm of bees is enveloping the stadium!

2 Local customs
South African tribal chiefs burned incense and slaughtered a cow outside Johannesburg’s Soccer City Stadium in order to appease spirits living there. "It is a unifying cow. We don’t want our spirits to be scared of all the different languages," said the ritual organizer.

I got to witness a ritual slaughter at a funeral once... It was very interesting!

3 Hooligans
They are already being stopped at the border, having travel visas revoked and being warned by the British government to be on their best behavior. Hooliganism has been relatively dormant on the international stage in recent years, but England’s high expectations could have blood boiling again.

4 Extremists
A radical group called the Afrikaner Resistance Movement has declared war on South Africa’s black community and warned foreigners not to attend the World Cup. That is not to mention the direct threats from Al-Qaeda, or the possibility of G20 protesters stopping in en route to Toronto.

Bloody Hell Guys!! Apartheid has been dead for almost 2 decades. Give it up already!!

5 The home crowd
No host nation has ever been eliminated in the first round, ever. Vitriolic fans carried 2002 co-host South Korea past heavily favoured Portugal, Italy and Spain en route to the semi-finals. The World Cup has been won by a team on home soil six times, so don’t discount a miracle run from 83rd-ranked South Africa.

6 Work? What work?
Workers of the world unite, in procrastination, during the World Cup. Productivity tends to drop as footie-mad staff stay home, or chew up office bandwidth by watching games online. The effect will be big in Britain, where half of polled employees admit they will be watching games daily, but also throughout Europe and North America.

7 Tricky North Korea
In an attempt to sneak an extra striker onto their 23-man roster, North Korea listed Kim Myong-Won as their third goaltender. They claimed it was an administrative error when FIFA noticed and ruled the speedy forward could only play in net during the tournament. The hermit state is holding practices under lock and key and refusing to meet with media; are there more tricks to come?

8 Tackling Tanaka
It was a tackle by Japanese defender Tulio Tanaka that fractured the arm of Ivory Coast star Didier Drogba during a friendly last week and dampened the African nation’s chances to surprise at the World Cup. Drogba is an icon in his native continent, so you can expect fans to voice their displeasure with Tanaka. Is it a coincidence that Brazil, where Tanaka was born and his family still lives, is grouped with Ivory Coast in the first round? Yes, it is.

9 Naked in the streets
FIFA protocol deems it improper for a player to remove his shirt while celebrating a goal, but that doesn’t mean the tournament will be void of precocious nudity. Argentine coach Diego Maradona has promised to run naked through the streets of Buenos Aries if his team wins the World Cup. The odds of that happening? 13-2, according to British bookmaker William Hill.

I'll refer to this one again later...

10 Dark horses
Pick one: Greece, Algeria, New Zealand or Honduras. So little is expected from them, and a small handful of others, that one will inevitably exceed expectations. A spectacular draw, an upset win or a second-round showing; at least one also-ran will go home as heroes.

11 Hot on the spot
Germany has had a glut of good fortune in games decided by penalties. In 2006, they broke a draw with Argentina in the quarters by making four straight penalty kicks. Not only have they never lost a World Cup shootout, they have only missed once (in 1982) in 17 shots.

12 Not on the spot
In 2006, England battled Portugal to a 0-0 quarter-final draw before losing 3-1 on penalties. They shouldn’t have been shocked. England has now appeared in three World Cup shootouts and dropped them all. Frank Lampard, who had his shot blocked in 2006, has vowed to break the curse.

13 The art of the dive
More than a few players - more than a few times a match - will drop to the pitch in apparent life-altering pain in a shameful attempt to lure a penalty or retain ball possession. Crowds will boo and opponents will act aghast. Until they themselves get a chance to dive, that is. It is the one thing soccer neophytes know to expect.

My personal favorite! Gotta love the dramatic flare these athletes discover out on the field.

14 The name game
Like Canada, South Africa calls the beautiful game soccer. They have their own version of football: rugby (partially explaining why the CFL has never caught on there). So chances are a fight will break out when a European fan belittles a group of South Afrikaners for this, only to be told to stuff it.

15 House of cards
A total of 373 cards - 345 yellow and 28 red - were doled out during the 2006 World Cup in Germany; a record high. Will referees rein calls in this year? That’s uncertain, although FIFA’s medical staff has given orders to clamp down on hard, potentially career-ending tackles. There were 12 serious facial injuries in 2002, and only two in Germany four years ago.

16 Miracle on Grass
In 1950, an upstart American squad made up of semi-pros pulled off a startling 1-0 upset over a dominant England. The Brits barely believed it, while America barely noticed. Expect much to be made of this game, named the Miracle on Grass, when the two teams meet again on June 12.

17 Canadian content
The most Canadian thing about these World Cups could be Steve Nash. The NBA’s two-time MVP will be reporting and shooting video for CBSSports.com. Nash was born in Johannesburg and raised in Victoria, B.C. and grew up a serious soccer fan. He is part owner of the Vancouver Whitecaps, who will join Major League Soccer in 2011, and his brother Martin is a former member of Canada’s national team.

Holy Cow! Steve Nash and I are like brothers!

18 The overdressed
The English WAGS will stick out in South Africa like the Sex and the City girls would in, well, South Africa. WAG Watch became a distracting pastime during the 2006 World Cup. England coach Fabio Capello rescinded his no-WAG policy ahead of this year’s World Cup, opening the door for Victoria Beckham and company to tart up the soccer stadiums.

Turns out that WAG refers to Wives and Girlfriends

19 The underdressed
A wonderful tradition with origins in the country’s Carnival festival, scantily clad women swaying to the Samba beat follow Brazil’s football team wherever it goes. Expect women dressed in glitter, boas and feathers. And considering the Samba Boys status as one of the favourites, expect to see plenty of them.

Alight, so if we combine 9, 18 and this one... Rather than the Brazillian coach... I personally would not mind seeing the Wags and the Samba dancers, running naked through the streets.

20 The Jabulani debate
Players have been panning the Adidas Jabulani ball, crafted for this World Cup, for its uncertain trajectory when kicked. Adidas has defended the technology, which it says will settle down at South Africa’s altitude. It is feared the ball will lead to a number of freak goals, which would inevitably lead to debate about Jabulani’s quality.

Jabulani is a Zulu name denoting happiness... Makes me smile!

21 Madiba magic
Nelson Mandela seems to have a mystical ability to will South African teams to victory. In 1995, just one year after becoming president, he attended the Rugby World Cup. South Africa beat favourite New Zealand in a win that has been credited for uniting the nation. The following year, he appeared in a South Africa soccer jersey when his team won the African Cup of Nations.

22 The new math
Swiss mathematician Roger Kaufmann has crunched the data - including current world ranking, average number of goals and team’s opponents - to determine Brazil and Spain should meet in the final. According to Kaufmann, the Brazilians (ranked No. 1 in the world) have a 15.4% chance to win the World Cup; the Spaniards (ranked No. 2) have a 15.2% chance. An equation that favours the tournament co-favourites: Who says math doesn’t work?

23 The Arrogant One
Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, the football world’s highest paid star known for his on-field dramatics, is either loved or hated for his arrogance. Alex Ferguson, Ronaldo’s former manager, has defended his attitude. "All the great players," he once said, "have a touch of what you call 'nice arrogance' a belief in themselves." Ronaldo certainly has that. After not scoring for Portugal during World Cup qualifying, he said he was saving his goals for when they count.

24 Blues for Les Bleus
France has had little to cheer about recently, with many observers marking them as ripe for an early upset. They lost to China in their final warmup for the tournament, and midfielder Florent Malouda said his team would be "embarrassing" at the World Cup. This all comes after the French needed an uncalled handball from Thierry Henry to advance to South Africa.

25 The Golden Boot
Spain’s David Villa, who 37 goals in 56 games with his national teams, is the near-unanimous pick to score the most goals at the World Cup. William Hill has him at 8-1, Ladbrokes at 9-1. Argentina’s Lionel Messi, is the second choice of both bookmakers. Brazil’s Luis Fabiano is backing either Villa or England’s Wayne Rooney. But the Brazilian might have thrown his own name in there. Both books have him at 12-1.

26 Ache and heartache
An all-star team of talent has been sidelined by injuries, leaving many teams awkwardly filling roster spots. Ivory Coast’s Didier Drogba may play, but Germany’s captain Michael Ballack will not. Nor will David Beckham or defender Rio Ferdinand. The New York Times’ Jeffrey Marcus blames the long and gruelling English Premier League schedule.

27 Girls! Girls! Girls!
South African brothels are reportedly increasing their cover charges - and roster numbers - in anticipation of a rush of business. Past host countries have anticipated an increased prevalence of prostitution during the event, although the surge in 2006 was not as high as Germany expected. World Cup organizers say up to 40,000 prostitutes were recruited ahead of the games, while health groups are warning visitors about the high level of Aids and HIV in the country.

There is a dark side to this final one as well... In addition to prostitution, there also appears to be a significant problem with human trafficking in South Africa (As with the rest of the world) and this has increased with the world cup as well. More here...

And as far as I'm concerned... It's soccer and having lived in the US as long as I have... favourite just looks wrong with the extra u.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I just don't get it when people complain about the horrendous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and then segway into a rant about how we have too much government regulation...

Stepping Back...

No - don't worry, I'm not going anywhere!!

It seems like there were some issues with my new blog, and so I've decided to try and get those 100% resolved, before doing an official cut-over to it. I'm going to keep them both in sync for the next little while, while I work those bugs, kinks and other things out, and then I still need to determine if it is indeed the right move to make.

I like the idea of having more control over my content and the layout of my blog, but with that control comes the need for more maintenance, and administrative type stuff.

Oh, decisions, decisions!!

My Fathers Day Non-List

I've been trying to play the whole Fathers thing down this year. No suggestions of what I want, or anything like that.

On the radio this morning however, there was an ad for a new CD/DVD package being put out by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to celebrate their 100 years of recording or broadcasting or something like that. It was heralded as something which every music lover would want, and then a plug for Fathers Day...

Now, I am a music lover, but in case the smokin' hot Mrs. Koda is reading, or any of her friends who might like to pass the message on to her....


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Official Cutover

OK Folks, I still don't have the blogroll working, but I think it's time to cut over to the new blog.

The new address is:


If you have any problems getting there, please feel free to email me at urban @ urbankoda . com

A Simple Hymn

I tried wooing the beautiful Mrs. Koda with this sweet hymn last night.

Now, sisters, list to what I say:
With trials this world is rife,
You can't expect to miss them all,
Help husband get a wife!

Now, this advice I freely give,
If exalted you would be,
Remember that your husband must
Be blessed with more than thee.

Then, O, let us say,
God bless the wife that strives
And aids her husband all she can
T' obtain a dozen wives.

I'll be completely honest here... The idea of polygamy used to excite me, and there was something in my patriarchal blessing that seemed to indicate that I might be part of it's return at some point in my life. Sure I could talk about all the spiritual reasons why I wanted it, but the bottom line is... I'm a man with raging hormones and a healthy appreciation for the ladies...

OK, so I didn't exactly sing that to Mrs Koda, but we did have a good laugh over it!

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Delta Airlines

Seems like today's theme is leveraging the web to support the cause of justice.

I haven't flown with my bike yet... But if I even do, it won't be on Delta Airlines.

Please share this video on your blog/Facebook or whatever, and if you want to donate to the cause:

Tri & Give a Dam

Monday, June 07, 2010

My Evil Tan

This is the humorous post for the day. I have another below this about the oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, which is significantly longer and more serious.

I found this great quote over the weekend on a website which I frequent:

In 1857, Brigham Young declared that apostates would "become gray-haired, wrinkled, and black, just like the Devil" (Journal of Discourse 5:332).

I was taught a whole bunch of crap like this as a kid, although I think the Church has mellowed out a little in recent years. I was also taught that when a person is baptized, their DNA is actually changed to make them literal members of the House of Israel. Perhaps it's things like this that will ensure that Science and Religion will never see eye to eye, since Religion seems to have a serious aversion to reality and truth.

Anyway... I'm pretty much an apostate Mormon, and if I lived in Mr. Young's time, he would also have like to have seen my throat slit for becoming such.

The thing is that up until a couple of years ago, I was the most devout, committed Mormon I could be. Sure I was filled with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, but that's just the way good Mormons are supposed to feel. It helps us stay humble or something.

The thing is, I got my first gray hair when I was 18, and now, I've got quite the salt and pepper thing going. Did my body know that I was eventually going to leave anyway, and it just started graying early because of it?

I've also been outdoors a lot more lately too, and my skin has gotten significantly darker. Actually I've got a couple of different tan lines, based on the style of clothing I've been wearing too. My involvement in triathlons has been completely independent of my disaffection from Mormonism, and it would seem that is the primary reason for my darker skin... Or has it been independent...

I guess at the end of the day, it comes down to this...

Either my gray hair and nicely tanned skin are a result of my impending and now current apostasy, in which case the reasons for such are purely coincidental,


Mr Young was full of shit.

I think we all the the right answer to that question, don't we!

My Thoughts on BP

I've got a couple of things on my mind with respect to BP and the oil catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico.

First, before I get too serious here, check out Mr. Borowitz column here. HILARIOUS!!

Second... Not sure exactly how to order the rest of these, hence making the whole first, second... thing, suddenly redundant.

Perhaps I'll begin with my conclusions and opinions over the incident.

It would appear that this event is a direct result from a failure of both BP's management and the government agency responsible for oversight. I stand ready to be corrected here, but my understanding is that BP decided that the chance of something going wrong with the Deep Horizon drill site was not worth the safety precautions they should have taken. And the regulatory folks went along with that. And now they're both playing the blame game.

Priority one is getting the hole plugged, followed closely by trying to clean up the mess created by it. And then we can play the blame game, except in this case... There is plenty of blame to go around. BP ultimately were the ones responsible for this, and so they should bear the entire cost of cleaning it up. End of story there, you guys did this, you guys pay for this.

The regulatory agency... They job was to represent all of us, and ensure that BP took the necessary precautions to protect the environment while they were drilling. You had the responsibility as our representatives, and you blew it. You no longer have the faith of the American people, and as such, you should no longer have jobs. In addition to that, there needs to be a full investigation to ensure that there was no bribery or any other corruption that caused your complete shirking of your responsibilities, and if any is found... You need to be sentenced to the full extent of the law.

Moving on... While the blame game is going on, the President has stepped up, and taken the responsibility to get the problem fixed. I for one am grateful to have the first president with a set of balls in this century. Thank you Sir, and good luck.

In relation to that, last week, I heard a promo last week for the Sean Hannity show which had Mr. Hannity bitching about how in response to the disaster, the Obama administration are going to be punishing the American People for it. I'm not sure exactly how he came to this conclusion, but from the various soundbites, it seemed like it was a mix of government money being used for the cleanups, stricter environmental regulations and a temporary ban on deep sea drilling.

The next day, the promo had changed a little, Mr. Hannity was bitching about how if we make BP pay for all of this, we'll make the bankrupt and then who's going to pay for all of this? So is he suggesting that the government pay for the clean up now, to avoid affecting BP's bottom line?

I thought that perhaps he had changed his tune, but less than 12 hours later, I heard the first promo again... WTF?!?

OK, so for all you free market, capitalist loving folks, perhaps you can help me understand...

You want a free market, and you want no government control of private enterprize... Right?

Unfortunately ineffective government regulation allowed BP to screw the pooch on this one, and end up screwing the rest of us, and the environment. I'm going to make the assumption that their lack of contingency plan in the case of failure was based purely on financial costs. So the pursuit of increased profits, and minimized government intervention, or in this case ineffective government intervention seem to be the key elements of allowing this to happen.

Hindsight is always better, so perhaps we should focus on what to do now...

Free Market system... BP gets to bear the costs - Right? Except Hannity is whining about them having the bear the costs and worried that they might go bankrupt. I was late filing my business taxes this year (By 3 days), and got slapped with a fine of a little over 2000%. My bad, and I'm paying the price. I just wish I was too big to fail like all the banks, and apparently BP.

And as for the restrictions on further deep sea drilling... Until we make sure we're not going to have this same thing happen again, doesn't that just make sense?

Of course I should have expected the promo by Hannity on this particular radio station... It's not my choice to listen to it, but one of their long running promo's talks has the following quote... "Have you noticed how since Obama took over, nothing works in this country?".

People are you THAT STUPID?!?! Mr. Obama has only been in office a little more that 2 years, and things got fouled up long before he was in office. I'm not even going to say that Bush is 100% to blame, but he was just another incompetent moron in a long line of morons who've gotten us to where were are now...

WHAT WE NEED IS CHANGE! And on that note, stay tuned for another rant on things the way I see them later this week... I've been watching a series on the History Channel.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Faith and Discretion

I found this quote by a dude who went by the name of James E. Talmage. He was actually kind of a big shot in the LDS Church, back in his day...

"...faith is not blind submission, passive obedience, with no effort at thought or reason. Faith, if worthy of its name, rests upon truth; and truth is the foundation of science"

That's the kind of faith I could get into!

In other news... Had kind of a cool experience last night... Wondering how best to share it...

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Significant Alcohol

First off, and completely unrelated to this post... Thanks to those who have checked out the new blogging grounds. I'm still having issues with the blogroll, leading me to believe that perhaps I need to write a plugin myself to make it act the way I want it to!

CONGRATS TO GERLI! Who was the first non-Viagra peddling person to comment on the new blog. E! you win the prize, which at this point is simply an "I owe you one!".

And with that, back to the topic at hand...

My body metabolizes certain substances really well. If I go to the dentist, I'll usually have them shoot me up with twice as my Lidocaine as people normally use, and even then, I'm usually coming out of it by the end of the procedure, and all the numbness has gone by the time my next appointment has been scheduled and I'm heading out the door to my car. I seem to blow through painkilling medication pretty quickly as well, which makes it perhaps a little unfair that I called Eminem a pussy for getting high of Vicodin...

Anyway with that in mind, I think I could probably be a pretty competitive drinker, although I've never actually tried. Related to that though, is the concern, that if I start drinking, it could get out of control pretty quickly. I have one of those personalities - the go hard or go home ones, hence the reason I was able to get from plump couch potato to IronMan finisher in about 3 years, and am now eagerly searching for my next adrenaline rush - as soon as I complete my 4 year suspension from super long races, at the request of the smokin' hot Mrs. Koda.

Anyway, the aforementioned Mrs Koda has voiced her concerns about me heading down the drinking road as well, and after being subjected to a few minutes of the Bachelorette last night, I can understand her concerns. If I may take a wee detour here...

Mrs Koda does tend to like the cheesy reality shows like The Bachelorette, and generally watches them, while I'm out training. I try not to get on her too much about it, because it's an escape for her, and far be it from me to judge a woman who handles 5 kids while I'm at work... She's nothing short of amazing! But back to cheesy reality shows...

It seems to me that the whole show is either watching a bunch of six pack toting, self absorbed men, drink and gossip like a bunch of old Church ladies, or it's watching them try and weasel their way into the stars pants, but then throw it all away by coming across as whiny little bitches. I could go on, but that's not the point of this post. Anyway, seeing this bunch of attention seeking dicks - and the one guy who just needs to come out already... I definitely wouldn't want the pursuit of the delights of alcohol, turning me into anything like that - although if I could get my six pack back as a result....

Anyway... So I've been thinking about alcohol and that kind of thing lately, and reflecting back about significant moments in my life which involved the substance.

When I was about 9 or 10, my parents took us out to what I recall was a fairly nice restaurant. Shortly after being seated, the waitress brought out 3 small shot glasses of a dark liquid. My parents were each served one, and the remaining one was put in front of me. It turns out it was Sherry, and intended to serve as an Aperitif (Did I get that right) of sorts. It was sent back the next time she came by, but I was pretty impressed at being treated like an adult, especially in front of my 3 or 4 younger siblings!

Fast forward to my late teen years...

As mentioned in my previous post, there were some significant alcohol related experiences in 1994. Specifically, the Bailey's Fudge incident, the Kahlua soaked dessert and then the brain cell shot made of Bailey's and Archers Peach Schnapps. There was also the Brandy Snap incident of December that year, which I haven't really mentioned before, but after standing for my beliefs and refusing to indulge in this party treat, much to the mirth and friendly mental jabs from all my friends, I was to learn a few days later, that aside from the name, it didn't even really have anything to do with alcohol... DOH!!

So if I had to list significant alcoholic beverages in my past, the would be...

Bailey's Cream Liquor
Archers Peach Schnapps

I'd like to add one more to that list...

Amarula Cream

It's made from the fruit of the Marula tree in Africa. And since I am African...

Anyway, that about wraps up today's post. I'm not sure what all of this means, but it's been on my mind!

Speaking of the Marula tree...

Have you ever seen the movie... The Gods must be Crazy?

The guys who wrote that, did another movie prior, which I believe was called Beautiful People. Here's my favorite clip from the movie, which combines all the best parts of this post...

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


Hey Folks,

Let's try something new... With the exception of 2 links on my blogroll - my apologies to Travel Vixen and Morgan Mouse, but for some reason the blogroll widget pukes when I add your urls - It's good to go.

So, I'm gonna redirect urbankoda.com to the new site, as soon as I post this, and if all goes well for the next week or two, I'll just switch over to that permanently. Try it again a little later, if you end up back here!

Don't worry - all the content and comments from here are over there already!

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

My First Real Girlfriend

This may seem like an odd topic, but it's necessary in order to provide background for my next post...

My entry into the dating world was an interesting one, not unlike a new baby bird trying to learn how to fly and ending up in a ball of disheveled feathers and dust at the base of a tree.

No-one ever told me how to date, none of my friends really dated, and so it was up to me to figure things out on my own.

The first girl I was kind of hooked up with came about by mistake. We were good friends. Helped each other out with home work, worked on group assignment together, traded letters and that kind of thing. Since I had recently turned 16 - approved dating age for good little Mormon boys, I thought that perhaps a date might be fun... So I sent her a letter and made a comment about us needing to go and see a movie together sometime. I should add that this was during the last week of summer break or something... My intent was just a fun evening out and then to see how things went from there.

I'm not sure how or why, by somehow I arrived at school the next week and the class was buzzing with the talk that me and AB were a couple... She was sick the first few days, and I remember thinking... Oh well - I guess that's how you ask a girl out.

It was an interesting romance, she being far more into it than I. She was adamant that her boobs were off limits, which was fine with me... I had no idea how you could even approach the subject of touching intimate area's of a member of the opposite sex without having an ice breaker like marriage to start the conversation. I did grab a boob once, but it was a complete mistake on my part - although I don't think she believed me.

Three months later, I called it off - on the phone, like a true coward, and things kind of went south from there... In addition to not learning how to date girls, I'd also never learned that it was OK to disagree and remain friends. For me, it was a scorched earth policy all the way.

The next opportunity came 6 months later. It was the sister of my best friend. I asked his permission, and then launched what I hoped would be a budding romance with what I felt was the key phrase in getting a girl to go steady with you...

"So, you wanna go and see a movie sometime?"

AV assented, and despite apparently liking me to, we went on the worst date in the history of the world. I think we said 10 words to each other through the entire thing. I did offer to pay for her milkshake, which she declined, and then we went and saw Best of the Best II.

Nothing ever happened with her after that... Which was kind of a bummer.

Then we move to New Zealand. I was almost 18, had left the old shy me behind, and was determined to do it right!

The first day of school, BM caught my eye. Cute smile, not too bad of a body and long straight blonde hair!! It took a couple of months, but after a school trip together, and lots of walking home together chatting, I finally plucked up the nerve to ask her out.

I should probably add that I was still a good little Mormon boy at this time, and I'd heard rumor that she was kind of a 'fun' girl. Perhaps if I had been a really good Mormon boy, I would have picked someone else, but at the same time... The forbidden waters seemed to hold some kind of allure!

I walked her home one day, and as she let me out the back door of her house, to cut through the woods to my street, I finally plucked up the courage and spat it out...

"So, do you wanna go out with me?"

Awkward silence, and then the next thing I knew she was on me, and sticking her tongue down my throat.... OOOOOOOH YEAH!!!

It turns out that she'd had a huge crush on a South African Exchange student the prior school year, and I'd taken his place in a couple of things, including her attention!

It was awesome!!! I think we were together about 3 or 4 months before she dumped me. The last month did kinda suck, but I'll get to that in a sec.

Her sister lived in downtown Wellington, and one Saturday we headed into town to visit her. We stopped at a candy shop on the way, and she purchased a couple of blocks of Baileys Cream fudge... Oh MY GOODNESS - BEST FUDGE EVER!!!

Anyway - I found out later what Baileys was, and I'll get to that in a sec too.

About a month into the relationship, we were at her house one evening, all alone, and she brought up a rather 'fun' activity we could engage in. Here's the sucky part... I knew she was into that kind of fun, and it was part of what attracted me to her, but then it was offered, and I turned into a blabbering idiot... Ummmmmm...

Anyway we didn't and things kind of went south from there. There were some interesting things which happened between us though, which I'll share another time, they're related to telepathy and that kind of thing - pretty cool stuff, but back to the last month.

Two important things at this juncture...

1. She was a pretty heavy drinker before I met her, which was interesting because with my Mormony background, one drink equals person becomes raging alcoholic and is lost forever.

2. When things started to head South, we were less than a month away from the Senior Formal. Senior Prom, but for Kiwi's.

Somehow in my mind, I thought that prom might be the spark that brought our relationship back on track, because, traditionally after prom - it's a good time for more fun!!

Anyway prom came, and she didn't really want much to do with me, we went together, ended up at the same after party together, but the chemistry was gone. I ended up walking home at 2 or 3 in the morning feeling pretty depressed and disillusioned with life.

The next day, a whole group of us seniors flew down to Christchurch for a Geography field trip. It was a great trip, and ended up being the 4th or 5th year in a row that I was away from home on my birthday. She took good care of me though, got me a CD I really wanted, and then organized a surprise party for me at a local bar. I was turned 18, but as far as the bar was concerned, it was my 21st birthday, so my "21" year old friends could drink and what not.

The party was nice, until dessert arrived. All my school mates had chipped in some money and gotten me dessert. It was Ice-cream swimming in a sea of Kahlua... It was probably fine, but me, being good little Mormon boy wouldn't touch it. I also refused Brandy Snaps at a party a few months later - IDIOT!!

My friends were mostly understanding, especially those who helped themselves, but BM was pretty pissed... She brought up that I was fine eating the Baileys fudge, and how was this anything different... Wait... what?!? Baileys fudge was made with an alcoholic beverage.... ARGHH!

We ended up at the bar, and BM ordered a brain cell. It was the coolest shot I've ever seen. Archers Peach Schnapps, into which the bartender placed Bailey's Cream with a twirly string to the bottom of the glass, and then two bulbs up the top. Into the bulbs he then dripped raspberry cordial, and then end result was a drink which looked just like a brain suspended in the schnapps. BM drank is slowly, and then ordered another shot of straight schnapps. I was feeling really crappy by this point, and as she finished it, she placed her finger in the glass, picked up a few drops of the pale orange liquid, and then placed it in my mouth.

I don't really remember how it tasted, but I remember just feeling numb and feeling that if I didn't do something I'd lose her forever - My soul mate!!! Sometime later, my good friend Kimmy got me out on the street and talked some sense into me. There I was a blubbering idiot - "If I have to start drinking to keep her, I guess I just have to", and she fortunately managed to convince me that if that's what I had to do, it wasn't worth it. I suspect she knew things were over anyway.

The rest of the trip was miserable. Most of the kids flew home, and I ended up with my own room at the YMCA... BM wouldn't even step foot in it, and spent the last two nights, out drinking with her friend. They'd come back in the wee hours of the morning, laughing about the guys they'd been drinking with, and then she'd suck up to me and beg me to wake her up the morning so she could make it to some activity her, and the friend had planned, but which I couldn't afford.

A week later, after we got back home, BM dumped me... She was pretty viscous about it too, telling me that she'd been trying to get me to break it up for a month or two, but that I was too stupid to take a hint.

It sucked and it hurt, and it took a long time to get over, but there were valuable lessons learned about life and love.

And there you have the story of my first real girlfriend.

Sex with a Tree

I had sex with a tree on Monday.

Don't worry, it's nothing disgusting, at least, I don't think it is...

I was mowing the lawn, and on the south side of our house is a pine tree which stands perhaps 12 feet tall. I don't think it was planted very well, since the trunk comes out of the ground at an angle, and it's in an awkward spot. Mrs Koda and I have discussed removing the tree in question, moving the fence towards the street by about 20 feet and putting a playground for the kiddies in it's place, but that requires financial commitments which we are not able to make at this point.

Anyway, so we have the pine tree, and there I am mowing the lawn. The branches are low, necessitating much maneuvering and what not to get around them. As I pushed to mower under one of the lower limbs, it set the limbs above it shaking, and from the buds on the ends of each of the lesser branches, at the end of those limbs, was emitted a cloud of pollen.

Pollen is how these trees fertilize each other, and thus grow seed from which to produce the next generation of trees, and here I was covered in the pollen of our pine tree.

So, in a manner of speaking, the tree attempted sex with me. Not just normal sex, but gay sex, since we're both apparently male. I should be flattered, but I don't think the tree cares.

Of course putting it all into perspective, I'm rather glad to be a human, since I think we get far more enjoyment from sex.

And on that subject, Mrs. Koda urged me last night to inform my readers that it would appear my MoJo has returned. Since I'm still on the antibiotics, we can rule those out, which only leaves the pain meds, or my original assertion that perhaps it was simply lack of use...

Just Like a Ghost

I had a great weekend, thanks for asking!!

As I arose this morning, well rested, and optimistic for a new week, I came up with 4 or 5 blog posts I want to write, most of which I think will probably end up on this blog. Titles will likely include (And I'm putting these down, so I remember them!)

Sex with a Tree
My First Real Girlfriend
Significant Alcohol

However with all those great ideas, I now find myself at work. I do enjoy my job, but unfortunately with a job comes the responsibility to actually work for my pay check and not spent time writing down my thoughts and impressions on life.

So... Until I find the time to write those, let me share instead the following song. It's a mash-up by Norwegian Recycling, and includes Ghost by Billie the Vision and the Dancers, and bits of the song I was awoken to this morning... I think it's called Just Like a Dream.

I find it very relaxing, and the pictures included in the video by whomever put this together aren't too bad either, although right now I'm in the mood for white beaches, deep blue sea and palm trees!