Monday, November 30, 2009

Cards and Cremation

It's been an interesting weekend. We had 7 house guests all last week, and then hosted 25 people for Thanksgiving dinner. I tried a unique experience called the iFly, ran half-way up Frary Peak on Antelope Island, and as I left the pool this morning I had a brilliant idea for a post, which has since left my mind, likely never to return.

There is one thing stuck in my mind... I was awakened from a dream shortly after 2 this morning. I think I was doing some kind of trick of something, but the end result was me lying in a coffin. Not only that, but it seemed like I was inside of a pine box, inside of a coffin. Both were open, but at that point, my 7 year old daughter appeared on the scene and tried to close both boxes.

My initial thought was that I could just push the lid open, but then I realized that the pine box and the coffin would open in difference directions, making that tricky to do.

Then I started thinking that perhaps I could do the Kill Bill, Kung Fu trick and break my way out of the coffin, except a) I'm not that strong, b) I don't actually know any Kung Fu and c) Have you ever felt how strong and heavy a coffin is?

Then I started to panic. What if the coffin got latched, and they just assumed I was dead and buried me. I was over come with total terror, convinced that I would be doomed to suffocate alone inside a dark, empty and confined box.

Yeah - try going to sleep after you wake up from that!! I did finally drop back to sleep for an hour or two, before the alarm went off, and the thought which did it, was a solid resolved to be cremated. Although in hindsight, would burning be more or less painful that suffocation? It would be quick, but it would likely hurt a whole lot more, and I am somewhat of a wuss when it comes to pain.

Perhaps with this being Monday and all, a less morbid start to the week might be a little better... A good friend sent me this a few minutes ago...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Ummmmmm....

Just overheard someone complaining about President Obama.

And if he decides to send 30,000 more troops into Afghanistan, we've got to find a way to pay for that as well... You know, when you start a war without an exit strategy....

I'm glad my sport of choice is running and not baseball, because being beaten over the head with a running shoe is not likely to be fatal.

Words of Wisdom

Kind of a more serious post today, but these quotes kinda got me thinking and I hope they can do the same for you.

First, courtesy of Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Non-Conformity fame:

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
George Elliot

And then a re-tweet from Monica Bielanko from someone or some group called hotdogsladies:

Theory: As long as strangers hold the power to affect your mood, you are deeply and fundamentally f*cked.

Monday, November 23, 2009

My Deity and The Book

I don't know if I've posted any Mr. Deity video's before... I guess I could look, but that would require effort, and well... It's Monday!

Anyway, so below is a Mr. Deity video from his first season. If you go over to my other blog, I have another video from the creator which is a little more serious, discussing the Christian origins of the United States.


From Crackle: Mr. Deity and the Book

That's What He Said...

There is this guy in Utah politics, called Chris Buttars. He's said some pretty inflammatory things about homosexuals in the past, like comparing them to Islamic terrorists and that kind of thing.

He had a quote last week that takes the cake though...

"I meet with the gays here and there and they were in my house two weeks ago. I don't mind gays, but I don't want them stuffing it in my throat all the time and especially in my kid's face"


From here.

I can explain it to my more innocent readers if I need to!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Looking to the Stars

So I grew up in the Southern Hemisphere. It was a small suburb just outside of Johannesburg in South Africa. I miss a lot of the things that I grew up with from the mild winters to the backyard pools.

As I woke up this morning, and went outside to clear the ice from the windows of my car, I realized one of the things I miss the most.

The sky was clear and the stars stood out brilliantly against the dark black of night. High above my head Orion's belt stood out clearly. I looked south, wondering if perhaps there was some way I could see the Southern Cross.

I don't think I can, although I've been wondering about it in recent months, since there is a key part of the cross over between paganism and christianity which involves the Southern Cross, and since both appear to have originated predominantly in the Northern Hemisphere, they had to have been able to see it.

I think of all the things I miss. Looking up and see the Southern Cross with her two pointers, ranks really high on the list.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

How It Happened...



I wonder if that would work...

Unique Names

I, like most of you get a great deal of spam. Fortunately Outlook does a fairly decent job of filtering it out, and on occasion has even sent the odd letter from the SIL to the Junk Folder. It's really very intelligent.

Lately, although I'm not sure why, I've been sent advertisements for contact lists for Dentists and Doctors. Something about the emails must look legit because they aren't being filtered out with the Viagra and Horny Wives Club emails.

Today's email I found particularly amusing - well... amusing for SPAM at least... The subject was...

RE: Lists of MDs and Dentists

and then sender

Talley Poliomyelitis

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Devil went to Jamaica

Profound Optimism

Folks, I awoke this morning with a profound sense of optimism about life. So much so that I then spent far too much time in the shower with my mind racing which I thought about all the possibilities available, and was subsequently late for work.

I think the Urban Koda community may be changing a little in the weeks and months to come, along the linesof what I'm thinking...

Stay tuned it's going to be fun!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's Dark Vader!

I got sent this link today from a good friend of mine living in New Zealand... I'm hoping it appeals to a broad audience, and if not I'll try and come up with something better later today!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Comedy?

I'm not sure how to categorize this...

Just got a text message from a friend...

Obama wants to put sterilizing chemicals in drinking water in high population areas to control population growth... Pass it around

Words can't.... I can't....

Off to bang my head against a wall.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Amazed at Human Interest

I was just looking over my Facebook profile - and as I've said before, if you want to know the real Koda, just shoot me an email or leave a comment indicating you want to know me IRL and I'll see if I can facilitate a connection!

Anyway, so there I was looking over my profile and I noticed something. Usually my status updates will get a comment or 2 at the most.

On Saturday, I posted a picture of Koda Kid #3 and Koda Kid #4 dressed up as Care Bears. I thought it rather adorable, although in an effort at full disclosure, Kiddo #4 is male in gender, and were it not for his apparent overly abundant reserves of testosterone evident in everything else he does, I would have been more concerned with his choice of costume.

Anyway, so 1 adorable picture up.... 1 comment. And it wasn't even from close friends or family, but from the lady I had do a running assessment on me a few weeks back. She's awesome though, and I did appreciate her comment.

Fast forward to Sunday... I spend an hour out on my bike doing mile long interval repeats, and yes it's about as exciting as it sounds. I have a wee electronic device though that tracks my cadence (pedaling speed), speed, heart rate, elevation and a host of other things.

On returning and plugging the device into my computer, I noticed that one set of data was more consistent than all the others. So I pulled up the graph of everything my device tracks and it was like a big flashing star, indicating that at a particular cadence, my heart rate dropped and my speed seemed to increase.

So... excited about a data set of containing what I would consider exceedingly boring, were it not mine, and were I not a numbers geek, and a personal discovery about finding my cycling sweet spot - again, of minimal interest to anyone else...

I figured I'd stick this out on Facebook as a status post - mostly because... Yes, that was the highlight of my day.

I've got 15 comments on it and 3 likes on it!!!! Are people that starved for entertainment, or are they that messed up (Like me) and think that this is cool? And of those 15, only one appears to have been sarcastic! I should qualify though, by messed up, I'm mean unhealthy obsessions with working out and/or biometric statistics.

Don't get me wrong though - I did appreciate the comments, and most, if not all were great to read.

Today, my IT Bands started acting up. Actually it's been acting up for a couple of weeks, but I've got a half iron distance triathlon on Sunday, and I may have pushed it a little hard in training yesterday. I'm getting a wee bit nervous, and the last thing I want is to have it seize up mid-way through the run and end up doing the hop along of shame, while very nice and concerned citizenry constantly inquire as to my welfare. "I'm fine thanks, just made some lousy training decisions, and now I'm paying for it!".

Anyway, so this week will involve limited running and cycling, much swimming and yoga, and then a health dose of IT Band specific stretches and rolling with a foam roller, which is rather painful, but works REALLY well.

So with those plans, I decided to post a status on Facebook about giving my IT Band a dirty look, and a threatening... Don't you dare... Don't you dare...

I didn't think it would garner much interest, but people are truly awesome! Lot's of good advice, lots of encouragement... 22 comments worth! Some funny, some serious, and all appreciated.

I've found I have a habit of using self-deprecating humor. When I was younger, I was a true nerd, and had a magnificent set of Bugs Bunny teeth to help it along. Perhaps it evolved from that.

I'm not sure why I do it, but it gets a laugh on occasion! In all seriousness though, I'm really not the great big pussy that I pretend to be at times - I swear!!!

Anyway, so while wallowing in self-deprecation... while not really wallowing... My good friend E was kind enough to share this video.



Bottom-line... It's kind of interesting that people find aspects of my life worth commenting on, especially those parts which I would think would be of least interest. But with that said, I'm grateful that people do genuinely care. I'm associated with some truly amazing folks!

Pigs - Top News Story of 2009

Now I know traditionally pigs haven't always been peoples favorite animals. Thanks to the Jews we have them classified as unclean animals. Interestingly enough this idea come from the same section in the Bible where anti-gay activists claim their proof against homosexuality. I wonder how many anti-gay folks like a side of bacon with breakfast?

But I digress...

Perhaps the biggest news story of the year for pigs has been SWINE FLU, which was then classified as H1N1, since rumor has it that someone from the Pig Board complained, and then a couple of weeks back I heard a newscaster refer to it as "Swine flu, the virus formally known as H1N1", and I'm not entirely convinced that he was joking.

There have also been a number of advertisements featuring pigs. At the beginning of the year, advertisements against cable television (in favor of Satellite Television) came up with the "Cable Hog". A pig was used to represent the Cable Company, and the slogan of "Don't feed the pig" was attached.

A few days ago, I noticed a new ad on the radio, funded by a CPA association in Utah, encouraging people to save money. They're using the slogan, "Feed the pig".

And then this morning, there was a whole ad on "Energy Hogs" encouraging consumers to abandon their energy hogs (Non-programmable thermostats, old appliances, badly insulated attics etc.)

So you need to feed the pig, by getting rid of the energy hog, while not feeding the pig, and then wash your hands to avoid getting Swine/N1H1/Swine flu.

I'll tell you this though... Took the three youngest Koda's to the farm on a preschool field trip a few weeks back, and they had a couple of the cutest little piglets you can imagine. We weren't supposed to, but I grabbed some hay, and we all got to FEED THE PIGGIES!!

Monday, November 02, 2009

A Hot Babe Trifecta First

I've decided to make a change in the trifecta again...

Traditionally I've only had it featuring young lasses of the cinematic and theatrical type, but there has been a person hanging around on the outside of my vision who I think needs a chance. It was actually brought home to me by an online interaction earlier today, which any reader who is a also Gator fan might understand.

Anyway folks, let me introduce to you... young Desiree Ficker. Professional Triathlete and 10th place finisher in this past weekends New York Marathon. Even when she's haulin' ass and sweaty, she's still damned hot!!

I haven't cleared this change with Mrs. Koda just yet, but I think Desiree meets the qualifications of being someone who I would never stand even a snowballs chance with, so I'm thinking it will be OK.

If this post shows up missing and Ashley Green makes it back onto the list, you'll know why!

Halloween Pet Peeves

Sorry folks... I need to vent. Here are my top 3 pet peeves from Halloween:

1. People who come to a "Trunk or Treat", but park their car down the street. Thus showing up for treats without a trunk.

2. Kids who grab the candy without saying "Trick or Treat".

3. Parents who just laugh when their little scum bag of a kid, grabs a whole handful, and you're saying - "Just One... Just One... JUST ONE!!!!"

I don't mind giving candy to older kids either, especially if they make the effort dress up, but it was a little interesting to have a young monster's cell phone go off as he turned to go.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween Notice...

I've heard it said that Halloween is just a chance for girls to dress like sluts.

That may be true, but if it is, then I have two questions...

1. Why does this not happen in my neighborhood?

2. If it does, would you mind stopping by the Koda house to trick-or-treat tomorrow night?

Comment with a link to a picture of your costume, or email me at THE_WEB_MASTER at urbankoda.com with a picture, and if it's appropriate, I'll make sure you have my address.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Halloween Report

Folks, I'm afraid Lt. Dangle was unable to make an appearance this year... I've been kinda swamped with work, and though I did try, all the places I looked had neither a short, wavy blond wig, nor a mustache.

But let me vow that at this time next year, I will have grown out my hair (It's currently buzzed due to race season.) and I shall grow facial hair, both of which I shall have bleached the day before Halloween, and Gosh Dang it, I am going to win the costume contest at work next year!

So, instead, out of options, I went to work as Road Kill today. White stripes adorned the left side of my entirely black outfit to make the road, while on the right a small stuffed skunk toy was taped to my shirt with tire imprinted red duct tape.

About half the people who saw me figured it out, and even then it still seemed kinda lame.

Anyway, so while young Ms. Morgan Mouse is likely relieved that I did not inflict myself upon the world in a police belt and teeny weeny shorts, I feel like I need to offer the rest of you some kind of consolation.

I found the following video on another blog.

It's an active, practicing Mormon girl who is also a comedian... As I started watching, I was wondering if non-mormons would even find this funny. It's always a little tricky with stuff like Mormon comedy, since many of the jokes are the inside kind.

Folks, have no fear however...

If you watch the video, you may find the first part funny, or you may not...

You need to get through it though to get to the end.

I don't care if you're gay, straight, atheist, Jehovah's Witness or some confused Islmo-fascist....

You will literally laugh your arse off watching this video...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Some Give and Take

OK folks, after wrapping up humour/humor week on Being the Urban Koda, I wanted to get your advice...

I've actually enjoyed trying to focus on the lighter side of life over the past week, and I'm hoping you've enjoyed the break from the political and religious rantings of a man who may not be completely emotionally and mentally stable. Hey - even my own parents have suggested that I seek professional help!

So here's what I want to know... My intent was to make this blog fairly light and comical and to relegate my cynical rantings and critical observations to my other blog - The Koda Think Tank. From time to time however, content from that blog creeps over to this one. Do you like it when that happens, or do you think I try and keep this blog clear of any part of that?

All suggestions and advise are welcome...

Next, if I may offer some advice to the Republican Party and perhaps to Conservatives in general. I've been noticing political bumper stickers over the past few weeks from last years election. Utah may be one of the few states where sporting a bumper sticker in support of the candidate who lost a past election may be seen as a badge of honor.

I've noticed there are two main types of bumper sticker out there...

1 - The Pro Obama type of bumber sticker (Somewhat rare in Utah, but you can find them)

2 - The Anti Obama type of bumber sticker (Actually very prevalent in Utah)

To an outsider it might appear as though there was only really one choice in the election last year and it was a yes or no vote. Do you want Obama or don't you?

I think the problem with Mr. Obama's opponents... Who was it again... Oh yeah, old man McCain and his yappy little 'maverick' lap dog from Alaska. Anyway, the problem was that they didn't really stand for anything. Their entire platform was "I'm not Obama", "Obama is a black, marxist, socialist" and "Obama's really a citizen of the Country of Africa". Of course there were the lesser issues, of "I was a POW" and "Everyone's being mean to poor 'I can see Russia from my house' Pallin". But that was about the extent of their campaign.

My advise to Conservatives...

1 - Get a backbone, and figure out what you stand for and than try actually standing for it. Your previous candidate ran on a platform of building the economy and fiscal responsibility, and just like Larry Craig's stated heterosexual preferences, that turned out to be a huge freakin' joke - or it would be if he hadn't racked up the deficit like a 13 year old girl with a stolen credit card.

2 - Quit being so damn whiny.

3 - Quit with the dirty politics.

4 - Quit pandering to your buddies who hide their corruption behind big money bribes/lobbying.

5 - Actually read the Constitution and apply it equally to you and the other side.

I see the Conservative platform as one which would embrace freedom. It's about lower taxes, less government spending and opposed to corporate and government corruption. In many ways I really, really would like to support something like that.

Why don't you start trying to be a positive catalyst for change! Instead of deriding change as some pernicious evil.

My idea's may be a little far fetched for most of the party, but lets be honest here guys... What you've got going right now, obviously doesn't work!!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Oui Oui!!

I don't usually post anything on Friday's but.. Gosh Dang it, I thought this was awesome...

I'm thinking I want to be French!