Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Female Point System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)


You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school
friend (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a dancer (-20)

Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

11 comments:

  1. I think this is great. :)

    And hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here is another point system you forgot to mention. This is the list of points that are subtracted from his total for services rendered (and believe me, every woman knows how many points her man has in the bank).

    Hand job (-10)

    Blowjob (-30)

    Sex on a weekend (-10)

    Sex during the week (-40)

    Sex any time while ensuring I orgasm too (+50)

    Moaning, screaming, and talking dirty during
    sex (including saying “fuck” at least 5 times) (-5)

    This is not a comprehensive list by any means,any ladies care to contribute?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Crap! I think I just had another -5 point hit for reading your comment in bed, losing control of myself and laughing, and then waking up the Mrs!

    Hilarious, although... Wait a second... Only 30 points for a blowjob?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  4. So....I think there must be [at least] 2 camps of women, some of whom assign negative points and other of whom assign positive points for the same things.

    Just as an example, sex during the week? I'd give that at least +50.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Perhaps the key would be finding out what separates the two camps...

    My money is on kids!

    On a more serious note though... I think some of it comes down to perception too.

    For me, having services rendered is a huge stress relief and confirmation that our relationship is still strong and vibrant. Mrs Koda sees it as serving a different function.

    Not that she doesn't enjoy it, it's just different.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Finally! I tried explaining this to a boyfriend once, and he dumped me! I was only trying to tell him how it worked, so he could earn more points! I should have told him 'Hey, I don't make the rules!'

    ReplyDelete
  7. TGIAA... That does bring up an interesting fact though.

    While a point system is in place, only the female can decide how and when points are claimed, used or whatever.

    It's kind of like an old T-Shirt I saw once...
    The Female Rules
    1. The female makes the rules
    2. The male can never know the rules
    3. If a female suspects a male of knowing the rules, the rules must change.

    And so on and so forth!

    ReplyDelete
  8. LOL. Love both lists. But I recently realized that giving a blowjob to a guy I am really attracted to is delicious. So whether it's minus or plus depends on how much I want him. Point being, I make the rules, and he can't know the rules. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I guess I should clarify that the point system can fluctuate based on how tired/amorous I am. There are a lot of factors actually. Women are kind of nutty that way.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete