Don't Judge Me

OK folks, first my apologies... I had an issue with my computer over the weekend. What was supposed to be a simple upgrade to a new hard drive ended up being about 60 hours of pure stress and worry. Fortunately thanks to some help from a good Samaritan online, late last night I was able to access my computer again.

Phew!!

Turns out that there are three key things you shouldn't do when engaging in the process I engaged in. Of course none of these are actually mentioned in the accompanying documentation, and I actually managed to do all three. I ended up with cross-talk contamination between my old and new drive.

Anyway, you don't come here to read about my technical woes... That's why I set up Koda's Code - where I will try and document all of this later today.

You're here because I made some comments last week about a weird mood I was in... And it was kind of related to sex, which was like creating anticipation, and then amping it up on steroids.

This may be a long story, but it all started a couple of weeks ago.

There are two distinct motives behind it.

First, I've discovered a certain amount of pleasure in writing. While I was in school, composition was probably one of my least favorite subjects, but it seems recently that has all changed. Perhaps it's that I enjoy writing because I want to, and that I can write what I want and when I want. Perhaps it's the response from all my readers. Perhaps it's because I can tap into parts of my brain which have hither to been untapped. And perhaps it's a just a combination of all of that.

At the end of the day, I like writing and I think the best way to do it is to keep writing.

Second, I'm finding myself in a quandary of sorts. With blogging comes a certain amount of anonymity, which is awesome because in a way it lets you be yourself. Even better than anonymity though is meeting folks who you've gotten to know online. But the problem is, that when you move towards meeting folks, then you lose the aforementioned anonymity.

With anonymity, I can be myself, or even not be myself. I can share my deepest secrets and most intimate fantasies, but that's getting difficult the more readers I meet.

But don't get me wrong here... I LOVE MEETING YOU GUYS!! And like I said before it's better than being anonymous. But I still miss parts of the anonymity.

And that all leads into the third thing. I'm very happily married and have an awesome family. I wouldn't give up Mrs Koda for anything and I love her to death.

Being raised Mormon, my sexuality was very, very repressed. Perhaps it was for the best, because part of me wonders if it had been allowed to develop unreigned, there would be little Koda's the world over. Of course, perhaps that's just the warped Mormon thinking of... If you're not a good Mormon you become a valueless degenerate, willing to hop in the sack with anyone and anything.

Leaving Mormonism opens up a whole realm of sexual avenues to explore, except if you're married then those options are limited to you and your spouse, and let me reiterate again, that I wouldn't want to do anything which would impact my relationship with Mrs. Koda.

OK, so I like writing, I like aspects of anonymity, and I would love a way to explore sexuality without negative effects to my marriage. Actually... If I could explore together with Mrs. Koda, that would be awesome, but such exploration might not exactly be something I would share online.

Early one morning a few weeks ago, I had an idea...

What if I were to set up a new blogger account, and then start a new blog.

And this is where the "Don't judge me" warning comes into play!

My idea was to blog as a single young woman. Perhaps just out of college, starting a new career and getting settled in a new town. The idea was to develop her character, explore her interactions with others and blog about them. In retrospect, it would kind of be like writing a novel, except the writing would happen in real time, and for all to see.

I was going to be anonymous through the endeavor, and part of the fun would be seeing if anyone picked up on the blog, and how they followed it.

My plan wasn't to make it explicit in anyway, but allude to various relationships and interactions with members of the opposite sex.

As that idea has marinated over the past few weeks, another idea grew on top of it. This was the idea I alluded to last week.

What if I could find a female type person who wanted to do the same thing. We could kind of start blogs together, and then sort of develop this fictional relationship over time, and see where it went.

But I can foresee a big problem with this... Exploring that relationship, even with reversed gender rolls, could lead to the development of inappropriate feelings and or interactions, and like I said before, I'm not willing to risk anything with Mrs Koda.

I told her about my original idea when I came up with it a few weeks ago, and it was hard to read her. And then I told her about this new, morphed idea, and she shared some of my concerns. She's just not a bloggy type person either, but she did offer the suggestion that perhaps we could do it together... I'll have to see if anything develops there.

The final iteration of this idea happened over the weekend, and it's till not more than just a basic frame work.

The idea was to combine some of the previous ideas and come up with something both appropriate, but still fun. Anonymous, but still allowing interaction between people I know.

It's kind of that living novel idea, but with multiple participants.

So here's how it would work. We'd need at least 6 people to do it, and could add others as we went along. I think 6 gives enough people that it would be hard to determine identities, but not too many that managing online interactions would be too hard.

So about 6 people, and we would all set up new blogger accounts. We'd have to have a central blogger account where we could coordinate a few things, and that may be best kept private, but then each of those people would set up their own blogs. We could have guys being girls, girls being guys, girls being girls and guys being guys. Straight people being Gay and Gay people being Straight.

Each person would start with a basic character description and then we could work on the interactions. To begin with, I think it would have to focus on a friends type approach. Each person has their lives, but the other members of the groups are friends, and they kind of develop that friendship over time.

So my character may have certain attributes, have a unique workplace, and meet interesting characters. His/Her blog would then share those interactions and share it with the rest of the group, who would in turn, do the same.

Perhaps the private central blog could be a place to coordinate things which might then later be blogged about.

I think it would be fun to explore sexual type stuff as well - the anonymous factor would help facilitate that, but I wouldn't want it to turn into a literary porn site - If you know what I mean.

It's kind of anonymous, kind of fantasy, part improvisation and mostly just fun.

In looking that over, I can think of a few possibly outcomes.

I may be up in the night, off my rocker, and heading towards a beautiful mind type end.
It may be just a crazy idea I mess with for a while and then move onto something else.
It could be fun though too.

Whether it's one or all of those I guess only time will tell.

Feel free to comment, and/or suggest medications I should be on.