New Ideas

We just got done with a long weekend, which seemed even longer due to our activities over the weekend...

For about 5 years now, I've had a side business developing software as a freelancer. It was fun to begin with, since I was a tech support guy, but now I work as a web developer, and doing that all day, and then developing all night as well... Not so much fun anymore.

Plus, Mrs Koda and the remainder of our wee tribe can't exactly help with that.

So, back in April or so, we purchased a vinyl cutter. The business has had a slow start, mostly just making stuff for Mrs Koda to decorate with and doing freebies for friends, but recently I lucked out, and scored a sweet gig, which flowed into another gig, and resulted in us spending the entire past 4 days, up to our eyeballs in vinyl!

It was cool because the Mrs and I got to spend time together and on Sunday, even the kids got involved and did a little work to help out.

Anyway... Out of that came some different thoughts and ideas.

• While the doing freebies for friends, may not make business sense, either karma, advertising or something else has really kicked in, and so we're going to keep doing it! So if any of y'all want vinyl decals, let me know!!! Within reason of course!



• Coffee is awesome!! I usually consume a fair amount of caffeine in a day, but it's usually the cold and/or fizzy kind. I got a grande cup of Kona coffee from our local donut place on Friday. Mmmmmm. I went back on Saturday Morning and got a Grande of Highlander Grog - Even more MMMMMMMMMMMM! I skipped Sunday because... Well you don't go shopping on Sunday... Mwhahahahaha! Actually I don't know why I skipped it... But then Monday morning I woke up with a headache - which I think ended up being sinus related, but it was a good enough excuse to go and grab another. I think it may be time to purchase a coffee maker!



• While discussing coffee with the Mrs... Who doesn't like the taste, like 80% of my kids... We listened to a whole bunch of Mormon Expression podcasts. We're thinking about doing something once a month for folks in Northern Davis county - unless anyone knows if there is one already... I've joked about starting my own Church, and this is kind of an extension of that idea... Get a group together in our home on a Sunday morning, have coffee, hot chocolate, tea and perhaps some snacks, and then do some mingling, and then perhaps discuss a topic related to religion, society, science or something else.

And while all of that was going on, I was running down into my basement to check on the computer, the cutter and our supply levels, and I got an email from a race I'm doing next weekend. It's a relay race in Southern Utah, and it's the second year they're doing it. I'm STOKED about doing it again this year, and am ready to sign up for next year already...

But in one of their update emails, they mentioned doing another relay race, this time out in Moab.

I kind of have a standard crew I do the Southern Utah one with, but I was wondering if anyone here would be interested in being part of a team for the Moab one. I know I have at least one runner amongst my readers - although she's out of state...

Anyway, if you're interested in being part of an Ex-mo, heretical type apostate running team, let me know - and we don't have to advertise the fact that we're ex-mo if that concerns you!

The reason I though about this, was that last year, I ended up on a team with people I didn't know. I had a great experience and gained some lifelong friends, but... Within a half hour of getting together, one of the guys comes over to one of the girls and says with great relief... "It's OK, we're all members in this van!" I think he determined my membership status when he found out I was a missionary.

I didn't have the heart to break the news to him, that I was likely a faithful Mormon's worst nightmare...

Anyway, so that was my weekend...

Oh, and... Mrs Koda and I talked about planning a two to three year extended vacation in New Zealand or Australia... I'll discuss that one more tomorrow though I think.

Thula Mama

I slept in this morning... The alarm went off, and I hit snooze, and snuggled back up to Mrs Koda, and then it went off again, and I hit snooze and snuggled back up...

The process repeated itself many times over.

When I finally got up, showered and dressed, I went to put my work shoes on, and remembered they were in my backpack downstairs, so I threw on an old pair of running shoes, and headed out, grabbing my backpack en-route.

I've been at work for almost 3 hours now, and I had every intention of changing my shoes... Or perhaps I didn't. I'm still wearing the running shoes and thoroughly enjoying the comfortable feeling they bring.

Not even sure why I share that story... Unless you happen to know me, and am wondering why I'm wondering around in running shoes, but I don't think anyone in my immediate vicinity at work has a clue.

In other news, I was watching a TED video this morning, and a video with the title, "Thula Mama" popped up. It's Zulu and is pronounced Tool-a Ma-Ma. Simply put it means Quiet Mother, or Peace Mother. Mother or Mama being a term used to refer to your biological mother, or any lady who is your senior. I knew a lot of good Mama's while I was a missionary.

Zulu Mama's are the bees knees in my opinion!

This isn't exactly my type of music, but I enjoyed the performance.

Perhaps a Celebration is in Order...

Do you know what last Sunday was? It was three months since May 30th.

May 30th is very significant to me. Sunday, May 30th, 2010, I skipped sacrament meeting as usual and then went to Church and taught my Sunday School class of 12 and 13 year olds.

The lesson went well.

I ended it by giving each of them a full size candy bar.

The I skipped priesthood, which I've been doing for almost 2 years now, and went home.

At noon I returned to the Church.

I waited outside the Bishop's Office for almost 40 minutes.

Finally he had an opening and invited me in.

He chatted a little about my training and such - fluff really.

And then he asked if I had made a decision about baptizing my daughter.

I've shared this before, but the deal was this... I haven't had a temple recommend in over 2 years. It wasn't a problem when I baptized my son. Beginning in 2009, I exercised my right, not to hand over 10% of my income to a corrupt organization.

Not paying into the coffers seems to be the big problem, although he hid it behind, my not having a recommend.

He wanted me to pay tithing in order to be allowed to baptize my daughter.

It's eerily similar to this and I think borders on extortion as well.

I told him that if I paid, I would compromise my integrity and would thus make myself unworthy to have a recommend anyway. I don't think he got that, because he brought the discussion back to tithing.

I didn't give him anything to work with, even though he tried to dig as much as he could to determine my real concerns.

Finally he asked if he could do anything for me.

I told him that I felt it best that I take a break from the Church for a while.

He gave me a long speech about coming to sacrament to resolve my concerns, and then said that as a favor to me, when the ward talked about me behind my back, he would tell them that he was working with me on my problems. He also said they would only do this because they loved me. I think it was a veiled threat, appealing to a desire to conform which I lost a while ago.

I handed over my manual, told him that my teaching partner was covering the next week, and after shaking his hand, I walked out of the building.

I had to go back in to watch my daughter getting baptized by someone else a few weeks later. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But aside from that, and a couple of cub scout things, I haven't set foot in the building again.

So it's been 3 months of freedom from Sunday services.

Maybe I'll wait until a full year passes before I throw the party though!

CONTEST!!

OK Folks, I have a challenge for you.

Glenn Beck has been sharing 'The Truth' with the world, that the inhabitants of the ancient America's where descended from the Israelites.

Since most of his audience have unfortunately lost the portion of their brain which enables them to think things through, they've become accustomed to just accepting what he says as gospel.

I suspect that Glenn may have been called as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and as such is taking very seriously the role of teaching Mormon Doctrine to his viewers.

Back when I was a missionary, we used to teach a series of discussion to people who were interested in Mormonism, or people who were too nice not to let us visit with them.

The first discussion went like this:

• God is cool, and lots of people believe in him, and so do we


• Jesus is cool and we believe in him as well


• God wants to talk to you, but you have to have a prophet to tell you what God wants to tell you


• God has a prophet, and one of those prophets was Joseph Smith


• Joseph Smith was awesome, because he translated an ancient record. It was the history of the Native Americans


• Read it, and then ask God if it's true, and he'll tell you it is. And then we want to come back and ask you to join our Church

Now, they've changed the discussion a little since I went through the training program, and I'm sure in Glenn's case, he's had to adapt them a little to suit his audience. I know I had to when I was teaching someone who's third language was English, and they believed in Ancestor worship.

So this is the approach Glenn is taking...

He started his discussion with a little BRT. I left that out, but it's an acronym for Building Relationships of Trust. You want the people to like you, so you find something common which they believe in, which you can build on... Nice flowers you have, I used to garden before I was a missionary. Those red ones sure are pretty!

In Glenn's case it's fear and hatred of Islam. I must admit he did a phenomenal job.

Then he gave a quick summary of his belief in God and Satan. Don't have to dwell too long on this, since it's likely a sure bet that 99% of his audience is Christian and subscribe to that belief already.

Now the whole prophet and God speaking to us thing... That's a little tricky with Glenn, since he wants the world to follow him. He actually made a comment about people following him, as he led them too the truth. Talk about an ego.

Anyway, so we've covered God, and then Glenn who is somewhat of a Savior to mankind, and also the prophet who will teach us God's will.

(Comment: This is a sarcastic, hyperbolic type post, but I wish I was being more sarcastic than I actually am with that last paragraph.)

Now the problem Glenn faces is that if he refers to the Book of Mormon, he'll probably lose most of his audience... he needs to be subtle.

Nothing was worse to me as a missionary, than whipping out a Book of Mormon, and all of a sudden seeing the terrified look in a person's eyes, as they realized they were being spoken to by 'MORMONS!'

Anyway, but Glenn's smarter than that, and so he frames the next part inside a conspiracy theory, and uses old books to teach that the ancient inhabitants of the America's were in fact Hebrews.

If you'd like to learn more about why this is all a load of crap, I would highly recommend this series of blog posts by an actual archeologist.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

OK, but now the fun part... I have a challenge for you...

Most of Beck's audience are fundamentalist, uber-zealous Christian types. They likely hate Mormons, but make an exception in Glenn's case, since he hates Obama.

What if they realized he was teaching them about Mormonism?

Can you imagine the look on their faces?

I can kind of imagine it, but I want pictures and videos, because that would be SWEET!!!

So the contest is... Find some die hard Glenn Beck fan, get your camera out, and then share with them the real truth, that Glenn is indoctrinating them into Mormonism. I would be happy to provide more info for you, like a copy of the Introduction to the Book of Mormon and quotes from Mormon prophets about the native Americans, or Lamanites.

I'm looking for that look in the eye. The second their brain pops a blood vessel and they realize they've been had.

I'm not sure what prizes I can offer, which brings me to part two...

Anyone want to sponsor this contest with something cool?

Trifecta Shakeup

OK Folks, I think it's time for a shakup of the Trifecta...

The Hot Dude Trifecta!

So while I still think Channing Tatum is a stud, I think I've developed a bit of a man crush on this fellow...



I showed Mrs Koda this video over the weekend...

She agreed.

In fact, the first words out of her mouth were something to the effect of...

Serve me up a piece of that!!

Welcome!!

Wow!! It's been a good day in the blogosphere, which is a good thing...

Quick side note... I got a headache at work around 2 this afternoon. I think it's related to the avoidance of caffeine this week, due to a big race on Saturday.

So I took some Ibuprofen... Didn't touch it.

Drove home, squinting into the sun and trying not to cry.

Got home and had two large bowls of rice Chex covered in sugar... Nothing.

Finally I could take it no more and so I grabbed some Tylenol with Codeine, back from when I had the lump removed from my head (My most popular blog post of all time too - aside from my ill-conceived rant about the Utah Horizon Card system)...

Anyway, ended up at back to school night with the kids, and I think it finally went away, but by that time...

I WAS FLYING HIGH!!!

I'm still not totally with it, but like I said, that's all a side story.

Oh and to top it off, I ran into some fellow bloggers as I left... Sorry guys if I seemed a little spacey... My brain was somewhere between Mars and Jupiter... Any Train fans here? Don't you just love the song Drops of Jupiter?



ANYWAY! It seems like I've picked up at least 3 new followers today, a couple of which seem to be new bloggers in Outer Blogness - The internet realm occupied by those who have, or are thinking about leaving Mormonism.

To all I say... WELCOME!!

I try to keep this blog lighter, with the occasional rant about Glenn Beck and politicians who do dumb things.

I have another... The Koda Think Tank. That one deals more with Religion, and especially my personal departure from Mormonism.

P.S. Mrs Koda suggested I tap into my secret stash of Vicodin and wash it down with some Vodka... I'm questioning her judgement, but just for the record... I didn't.

At least not yet!!!

If there are some interesting posts later tonight, you could probably guess why.

Two Tea Parties

I do kinda like the thinking behind the Tea Party...

The problem is that the Tea Party is actually one name, given to two distinct groups.

The original group and perhaps the smaller, less obnoxious of the two groups consists of people who genuinely believe in freedom, libertarianism, and a form of capitalism which attempts to remove corruption from the system we now have.

In many ways I agree with these folks, and where I don't agree, I can definitely understand their rationale.

The second group are the loud obnoxious freaks who worship Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck. These people are not Libertarians, and the only parts of the Constitution they care about are the parts that help them suppress the rights and beliefs of others.

The tricky part is trying to determine which group you're talking to, because both claim to support the Constitution and both claim to be patriots.

FOLKS! I have the million dollar question which will help you determine which is which...

"So, how do you feel about the Cordoba Mosque going up in New York?"

If they freak out about it and start whining about sensitivity and Islamofascism, you can be 100% certain your speaking to a hypocritical sheep from group number 2.

Why you may ask....

I'll let Mr. Ron Paul explain here. I still maintain a Presidency consisting of Mr. Paul and President Obama could bring to pass some excellent change in America. The may seem to be polar opposites, but they're both reasonable men, with a sound understanding of their positions, and both are very articulate. I think some great compromises could be worked out.

In other news... Has Glenn Beck been called as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

I'll elaborate more in a day or two, but wouldn't it be an absolute riot to watch the faces of all of his fundamentalist Christian fans, if he were to give them the first Mormon Missionary discussion on his TV show, and then they were to find out about it after the fact?!?

Perfect Combinations

Every so often 2 artist from different genres will combine to create something new, unique and oft times... AWESOME.

So it is with Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna



I'm thinking that I may need to find a way to justify purchasing Mr. Mathers new album.

And speaking of perfect combinations... Pearl Jam and Cypress Hill did a great one a decade and a half ago.

On Dancing

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun
in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

Inner Conflict

Glenn Beck is a Freaking Genius!!

I'm going to include a clip from Monday nights edition of The Daily Show with Mr. John Stewart. There is a lot of really good stuff in this clip...

First there is the number one reason I think Obama might lose his bid at re-election. He's trying to cater to both his supporters and his critics and in so doing, pissing both sides off. Mr. President, if you happen to read this, please just stick to your guns and do the right things. Nothing you can say, can or will please any of the narrow-minded idiots on the right side of the aisle. They're upset you're in power, and that you're both black and a Democrat. Unless you can bleach your skin, switch political parties, produce video of your birth in a New York hospital, start a war in at least 3 middle Islamic countries, further destroy our economy by giving increased tax breaks to the rich, and then giving Sean Hannity a blowjob, I don't think you could ever please them, and even then, success would be doubtful.

Next he shows the complete hypocrisy of the pseudo news station which is Fox News. And in so stating that, I should point out... The Daily Show is a comedy show, not a news show, but despite that key difference... Mr. Stewart and his crew are actually consistent with how they cover events.

And finally, he engages the comedic genius of Mr. John Oliver for a fun look at political correctness and religion. The playground and the cathedral comment was perhaps the highlight of this exchange.

But in the midst of all of that, he showed two clips of Glenn Beck. Now here's where I struggle a little. I used to be a HUUUUUGE Glenn Beck fan, even after I started leaning left, and then all of a sudden I just couldn't stand him any more. For a while now, I've been wondering why it was that I experienced such an extreme shift in my feelings and thoughts. However as I watched the two clips shown of Mr. Beck, I realized that it wasn't necessarily me that changed.

I've heard bits and pieces of this theory before, but it wasn't until laying in bed last night that it hit me... Glenn Beck is a Genius!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Let me explain...

The Glenn I used to like... He's the guy in the second clip. The one wearing jeans and with his tie loosened. He's also not wearing glasses, and I think each of those things are significant here.

I didn't have to agree with Mr. Beck to appreciate his arguments, because he actually made arguments and backed them up. He wasn't stuck following a set agenda and was willing to investigate and question things.

I liked that Glenn.

But he's transformed himself, and that is where the genius comes in.

Pause for a second, and lets look at Mormonism, to which Mr. Beck converted several years ago. Here is a religion, which in exchange for eternal salvation (or at least the illusion of it), can get it's followers to give up:

10% of their gross income
Additional donations in offerings and charitable support
Underwear choice
Freedom of choice
Significant portions of time every week.

The religion controls most of it's followers political thinking, and gets them to live a strict health code - although the "health" portion is debatable, especially when you look at the considerable girth of some of the more faithful. I've heard it rationalized that it's not so much about health as it is about obedience, but I think that only makes my point further.

I think Mr. Beck has realized the key behind Mormonism, and is using it to promote his career.

Let's go back to the clothing... When I like Mr. Beck he was pretty casual. See the jeans and no glasses comment above. He used to be one of the people, the everyday guys who was on your side.

Now it's suits, ties and glasses. It conveys an air of professionalism, as though he knows more than you do... And if you listen to him, he thinks he does. Mormon leaders are the same... You will never see a Mormon leader, especially not the high up ones in anything other than a dark suit, white shirt and conservative tie.

FEAR

The biggest secret to the success of Mormonism is fear. Fear that you'll lose your family, fear that people in your community will think less of you, fear that your going to be attacked for your beliefs and fear that when you do, you won't have the courage to defend your beliefs.

Glenn lives and breathes fear into the hearts of his audience.

President Obama isn't a man with a socially progressive approach to politics... Far from it, he's an evil, socialist, nazi, who wants to kill old people and abort as many babies as he can. He's not going to be happy until we're all communist slaves, with no freedom, and we're forced to live Sharia law.

OK, that might be a slight exaggeration, and then again, it may not be that far off...

Gotta hand it to the guy though... It's worked phenomenally well for him. His followers are devout and in general can be counted on to use Beck's own words in defense of their positions. You cannot discuss controversial things with a Glenn Beck fan, just as you cannot discuss controversial things with a Mormon, and if you start making sense to them... You become the enemy, someone to be shunned and hated.

I can always tell when I have one on the line, because they manage to include socialism, communism, fascism, the constitution, God and how much the love their country, all in the same sentence.

But back to the topic of this post... Mr. Beck... Sheer Genius... If only he could use his mental capacity for the common good, instead of to promote hate and fear.

I can honestly say I miss the guy who used to host the Glenn Beck show.

AWESOMENESS!!!

Check this out... I'm not sure how to deal with the friction aspects of this project, but I'm sure these guys have some ideas!

Suckage!

So I just heard back from my lending institution... Apparently they've known since last Wednesday, but have been too chicken to call... It took some prompting from me...

BASTARDS!

Anyway, so we thought our home had probably lost about $30k since we purchased it a little less than three years ago...

We weren't happy about it, but everyone is hurting, so we're all kind of in the same boat.

Anyway, after some prodding, the guy finally called me back. I sensed it would be bad news simply because of that...

Turns out that our home got appraised for less than 80% of what we paid for it. And we worked with the appraiser when we bought it to get that initial value as low as possible.

OUCH!!

That also means that I think we're officially upside down in our home as well.

I joked to the banker about walking away and letting the bank take the hit.

I don't think he was amused.

On the plus side... I can now use this to contest my property taxes!

Huge Loss....

So I posted a link on Facebook this morning...

It was to this

It's basically an article by The Rev. Dr. Michael Kinnamon for the National Council on Churches USA Chapter, addressing the issue of the mosque which is being proposed for construction near the site of the 9/11 Trade Center Attacks.

Despite not being religious anymore, I really like Dr. Kinnamon's approach.

Less than 10 minutes after posting the link, I was down 1 friend on Facebook.

I can't figure out who the friend was, so obviously it's not a big loss, and to be completely honest, if that offended them, I'm not sure I really want them on my friends list anyway.

There is a douche-bag politician in Utah, who made a comment some time back about how the Gays are the greatest threat to America. He now claims he was tricked into making that comment, because one of the camera men was wearing a BYU shirt... Perhaps he was worried it was a task force from the LDS Church gestapo like, Strengthening Church Members Committee :-)

Anyway, I've been thinking about it, and I'd like to state for the record, that I think there is another group which is the greatest danger to the USA and it is an actual threat.

I think the greatest danger to the world is members of any religion who take a fundamentalist approach to it.

The greatest threat to the United States is fundamentalist Christians.

Hey folks... Christianity has had it's shot at running things, and it was one of the prime reasons why people fled England to seek out a better life here.

On Anonymous Comments

If you have a blog and you've been the recipient of anonymous comments - as have I - I think you'll find this true.

It was a tweet by Andy Borowitz

Anonymous blog comments are the Internet's version of flaming bags of shit left on a doorstep.

Hey Santa Claus!

So you know how I had a wee technical issue at work a few weeks back, and ended up playing Jane Fonda for all to hear? Well it turns out that no-one really heard it, fortunately, but I was reminded of a similar incident I had as a kid.

Before I get to it... Sorry the posts have been scarce this last week. I had a pretty grueling race weekend, and that combined with lack of sleep, stress from numerous sources and other crap has left me pretty wiped out.

And then also... The language used in the following clip is most certainly NSFW (Not Safe for Work). Actually if we're being honest, it's not really safe for anyone with sensitive ears.

The artist is an Australian gentleman by the name of Kevin Bloody Wilson.

So there I was, probably about 15 or 16, and a friend at school had given me a tape to borrow. I forget what the first album was on the tape, but I do recall having it in the family stereo, and cranked up loud enough that I could hear it outside.

I'd heard about the Santa Claus song by Mr. Wilson in the past, and I do recall that my friend had mentioned that he'd grabbed some of Mr. Wilson's music. Anyway, so I recall, walking out of our garage and hearing a melody, and hearing... "Hey Santa Clause you....".

That was when I realized what it was. I sprinted like nothing else to turn it off...

I don't know how long it had been on, or how many members of my family had heard it.

I suspect that had anyone heard it, I would have been given a stern talking to, but who knows.

Anyway, with the NSFW warning in mind, here's Mr. Wilson...

2 Ladies

Today is an interesting day... It started yesterday actually, when I found out about Prop 8 being overturned, and if I may say...

HELL FREAKIN' YEAH!!

The thing is though, as soon as the facebook notes went up about it, the usual crap from the so-called Christians started. I commented on a post or two, and even considered putting something up on my Facebook page. On one hand I want to make sure I stand by what is right, but on the other hand, I'm learning that you just can't have a rational discussion about an issue with people who have no rational reason for believing as they do, and quite honestly, I'm getting really sick of hearing Mormons express their love for their gay brothers and sisters, and then start bitching about how they don't want the gay lifestyle shoved in their faces.

On that note, perhaps a few words of advice...

1 - If you're a Mormon, and you're going to bitch about having someone else's lifestyle or beliefs shoved in your face... It may be a good idea to quit doing the same thing. Thinking you're right, doesn't necessarily make it so!

2 - If you're a Mormon, and you're going to whine about Muslims who want to build a mosque some place (I had this conversation on Tuesday with someone), please understand that by so doing, you should probably also give up bitching about communities who protest temples.

3 - If you're going to go back to the argument (Like the LDS PR folks did) about how the popular vote has already declared Prop 8 to be law... How about we have a national vote on whether you guys should be allowed to keep your tax-exempt status and yet refuse to divulge your finances, or how about a national vote on whether you should be allowed to go door to door pissing the rest of the country off. If that did happen, I suspect you'd be crying about the Constitution and your rights louder than any of the LGBT organizations.

Moving on... Today the residence of the Koda family is going to receive a visit from an appraiser. It's a bit of a gamble we're taking to try and reduce our monthly living expenses, because we're just not making it.

We're going to find out just how badly we got screwed by the economic crash, and hopefully discover, it wasn't enough to prevent a refinancing of our mortgage.

It could go either way... If it doesn't appraise for as much as we need it to, well, we'll be out $400 and have to find other ways to try and make it through.

If it does, we'll get a small infusion of cash now, but it could end up costing us an additional couple of thousand over the life of our loan. Of course on the plus side, we'll be getting a RIDICULOUSLY low interest rate, and so it may actually work out for the best.

So, with nerves on edge - Oh - and I'm doing the BAD ASS series of races in Midway this weekend... I figured today's post needed to be light...

I KNOW! TOO LATE!

So these two ladies die and go to Heaven.

(I know I'm an Atheist, but this is a joke, and it doesn't work without heaven. Actually if we're being honest, when you review the subject matter, perhaps heaven isn't the place they should be, but anyway....)

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

The Piggies

This is a 'cute' post. My apologies to all my more masculine readers.

My daughter purchased a guinea pig for her birthday this year, and in an effort to avoid having the little rodent get lonely, Mrs. Koda purchased one at the same time. My daughters pet is still hovering with respect to names. Some days she's Little Miss Speedy, and others it's Hannabelle. Mrs. Koda's pig is named Miss Bennett.

Miss Bennett ended up being the more dominant of the two, and was largely responsible for us having to purchase two cages. She is also the more friendlier of the two - far less skittish and very curious.

I'm working from home today, and one of the little Koda's brought Miss Bennett over to the table where I am working. She took a while to adjust to me, the laptop and the table, but after a few minutes, she's managed to get on the keyboard and open an additional 20-30 help windows in my browser.

I pushed her off to the side, and all of a sudden, she mellowed right out. Her amble belly seemed to sink and spread out on the table, and it almost looked like she might be going to sleep. I ignored her for a while, but it seemed a little unlike her... And that's when I realized...

There is an air vent on the side of the laptop and it gently blows out nice warm air from the processor -> right where Miss Bennett was sitting.

Gay LDS Leadership?

I'm not going to accuse LDS Leadership of anything, since I don't really think this is something which is an accusing type thing. It's just kind of sad that the men who could do something about the environment which prevents people from becoming who they really are, are under siege from themselves.

Below is an abstract from a study conducted at the University of Georgia.

Full Study Here

The authors investigated the role of homosexual arousal in exclusively heterosexual men who admitted negative affect toward homosexual individuals. Participants consisted of a group of homophobic men (n = 35) and a group of nonhomophobic men (n = 29); they were assigned to groups on the basis of their scores on the Index of Homophobia (W. W. Hudson & W. A. Ricketts, 1980). The men were exposed to sexually explicit erotic stimuli consisting of heterosexual, male homosexual, and lesbian videotapes, and changes in penile circumference were monitored. They also completed an Aggression Questionnaire (A. H. Buss & M. Perry, 1992). Both groups exhibited increases in penile circumference to the heterosexual and female homosexual videos. Only the homophobic men showed an increase in penile erection to male homosexual stimuli. The groups did not differ in aggression. Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies.

And Now for Somthing Really Offensive!

So I had this thought while I was swimming yesterday. Swimming is a great way to think. The only thing better I've found is trail running, but that's because if you lose focus on your breathing when you're trail running, you don't choke yourself of chlorine and likely urine enriched water.

Now, just to warn you all... This is going to offend people who lean right. You can get offended and offer an opposing view in the comments, but please don't start bitching and whining about stereotypes and then progressing toward bad language when I ask you to back up your opinion. Since this is my blog, my opinion rules, and the burden of proof rests upon you... Or something like that...

So I work with a guy, who likes to refer to himself as a free market capitalist. He's a nice enough guy, and I think if I needed help, he would likely be willing.

I've seen him make some big purchases lately, and I've noticed something... All that matters to him is price and value.

Now I'm not exactly unlike that. I like getting value for my money as much as the next guy, but I will differ from him slightly if there are extenuating circumstances...

If I want to purchase a product and I find out that along with the best value for money, my product is also responsible for child labor in China, or helps fund war efforts in Africa, I will make it a point to go somewhere else or go without.

I fully suspect that my co-worker will ignore these details because to him there are irrelevant. He believes the market should speak for himself, and as far as any resultant moral responsibility, that probably belongs to those who are first in line perpetrating the crimes.

Now I don't know this for sure, but my interactions with him lead me to believe that this is the case. As further evidence, I cite myself, a former free market capitalist and a person who would likely have done the same thing.

So where do capitalist and the rest of us differ? I don't think socialist, liberals, communists, or any other group would like to deprive themselves, and if we could better our situation I think all of us would.

I think the difference lie in the moral expense of our decisions and this is where I'm going to make the generalization.

In general, most capitalists worry only about the sticker price, return on investment and cost to them when considering a purchase or other financial based decision.

I suspect the rest of us, if aware of extenuating circumstances would like consider the other costs as well - moral, environmental and all of that.

I think it ties in with the post I did a few weeks back regarding a certain Conservative Christians opinion that God put us here to rape the earth. I think many of the Free Market Capitalist folks are likely the Conservative Christian types as well, and they've been endowed with an incredible sense of entitlement, and as long as I get what I want, screw the rest of the planet...

Now, they won't admit that, and they'll likely cite their God, Jesus of Nazareth in their defense - plus they give all that money to their Church, and that's charity because it says so on their tax forms. But the funny thing is that Jesus wasn't a Capitalist, in fact, I suspect Jesus would have been an almost pure democratic socialist these days.

On Being an Offensive Pratt!

I had a thought for a blog post this morning. It's something I've observed and is one of those thoughts where I generalize and would likely get a lot of nasty blog comments from my right leaning readers - assuming I still have any!

But I've decided to postpone the sharing of the aforementioned offensive and generalized observation in lieu of something which I think is better.

Some weeks or perhaps months ago, my good friend from the land of Oz, Ms. Morgan Mouse, retweeted something hilarious by a guy called Mark Morford. I don't know much about Mr. Morford, but having followed him since that time, he would appear to be a columnist with similar leanings to myself and a gift for making witty comments on occasion.

So, first and foremost... Thanks Ms. Mouse turning me on to a good resource.

This morning, Mr. Morford tweeted a link to an article he has written called, 10 amazing truths you already suspected (Volume 5). They're all good points, but I would like to focus solely on the first...

Actually I think his words do a better job than mine, so without further ado, here's item #1 on the 10 amazing truths list:

I know what you're thinking: In these times of acrimony and divisiveness, is it still possible to find peaceful consensus? Can any group of educated individuals ever agree on anything worthwhile, besides Blue Bottle Coffee, the Fiat 500 and grilled sausages in summertime?

Good news: They totally can! Watch in awe as every one of the country's 238 respected presidential scholars recently agreed, without the slightest doubt or hesitation and despite all their varying backgrounds, ages, political affiliations, heights and weights and hairstyles, that George W. Bush really is the worst president in modern history, and the 5th worst of all time. Wonders!

I've been tempted to post the link to the study on Facebook too, but I have too many idiot friends over there who think the sun still shines out of Bush's ass and that Palin should be the next president. I just don't want to hear their lousy refudiations of it.

Happy Birthday!

Since I have neither the body, nor the voice to pull something like that off...

I just added my name to a birthday card that the Obamas are giving the President for his 49th birthday on Wednesday, August 4th.

Can you join me?

It’s a great way to help make it a memorable birthday for him, and to show we’re ready to stand alongside him, fighting for change in the year ahead.

http://my.barackobama.com/barackbirthday-inv

Thanks,

Urban Koda

It had to be this song...

Occasionally I'll listen to music at work. I work in a cubicle, so to avoid annoying, or worse, offending my co-workers, I have a nice set of headphones I plug in, and off I go.

As an additional piece of information to setup for this story... I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning, and the last song was one I hadn't heard before. Turns out it was "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3. The lyric which caught my attention was "Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips."



It kind of reminded another song. Jane Fonda by Mickey Avalon.

Anyway, so that song - the Jane Fonda one has kind of been on my mind today. I got my computer all logged in early today, got the headphones plugged in and I was good to go. The sounds quality has been kind of iffy all day, although since I didn't have my headphones on much it didn't seem like a big deal.

Then I went running over lunch, got back, finally dried off, and settled in for some solid code debugging. I figured it was time to crank the tunes up. Found the Jane Fonda song on YouTube - Not the clean version either and proceeded to listen.

About 2 minutes into the song, I feel a tap on my shoulder, and my co-worker informs me that she can hear my music.

It turns out that the headphone plug didn't fully engage this morning. Which explains the lousy sound quality among other things.

Unfortunately 2 minutes into the song is enough time for the following gem to broadcast to all my co-workers...

"If you were lucky, licky, licky, sucky, sucky. Mickey, Mickey, F*ck me, F*ck me."

That's just one groovy line, amongst a whole host of others.

I was sweating prior to being told that my speakers were blaring the soulful lyrics of Mickey Avalon, but this little discovery upped the amount of sweat quite considerably!!

DOOOOOH!

Hot Out?

Smelling the Roses

I've been a little scarce of late. Don't worry, I'll be back soon, I'm just taking a while to smell the roses. We've been trying a couple new things of late.

One of them is that we've started eating dinner together as a family every night - and not just that, but we've been doing it at the table as well. Our oldest son calls it 'Fancy Dinner'. They all seem to like it, so I think we'll keep it going.

Other than that, things in the Koda household are going as well as can be expected with 5 kids.

I'll be back soon!

Avoidance

I've been trying to avoid morning meetings over the past week or so, and I'm likely to do so for the next couple of weeks too.

You see Le Tour is on, and since I don't have Versus included in my satellite subscription, I need to watch it online, and since it's in France, it's on while I'm at work in the mornings.

Now, don't worry, I'm still working, I just have the audio on in my headphones and the small video up on the corner of my screen.

Aside from the racing, I like watching some of the great French scenery, and some of the stuff which the fans do.

I snagged this screen shot this morning. It was put together by a group of farmers and featured a high power hose coming out of the wine bottle.

AWESOMENESS!!!

Stress

"Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there.'"

~Eckhart Tolle

Ain't that the truth!

An Apology

Found the video below over on Swearing Elders.

Now in my defense... I hated door knocking, and I would generally do anything I could to avoid it. When I was compelled to however, as soon as I could tell the person wasn't interested, I would back right down. I also don't know if I ever engaged in door-knocking or tracting before noon.

Since there is no way to go back and apologize to anyone I annoyed by knocking on their door - unless of course I head back overseas and knock on their doors as well, I thought instead that I would issue a global apology.

If Umfundisi Koda ever knocked on your door... I humbly apologize for the intrusion into your lives.

Dude, you missed something...

Sometimes when I run I listen to music - generally just when I'm running laps around the track though. I listen to a bunch of stuff from hard rock to techno, hip hop to pop. Recently I've been listening to Mash-ups a lot, and a set of lyrics which struck me as odd, have been in my mind recently.

I believe the artist of the original song was a guy who goes by the name Nas, and then song is entitled Dance.

Here are the lyrics in question...

The galaxy is so enchanting beyond, Galileo's understanding
Past the milky way and all the planets
There's something out there greater
But only god knows, scientist claim we came from apes
But they lies though, that was part of our conversation
I spark one up and start blazing

OK, lets look at the first part...

The galaxy is so enchanting beyond, Galileo's understanding.

I'm liking this so far, and I like Galileo. The thing with Galileo, is that he was persecuted by religion for contradicting their teachings.

Past the milky way and all the planets

Yes, milky way and planets... I'm wondering if he knows that the Milky Way is actually the galaxy to which he seemed to be referring in that first line.

There's something out there greater

OK, possibly... Some might call this God, or some might just consider this the universe beyond our galaxy.

But only god knows, scientist claim we came from apes

OK, only god knows what? That there is something outside our galaxy? Or is it only god that knows there's something greater? Does only god know god exists, in which case how do we know that god knows he exists. Or something greater... Galileo discovered something greater, so now he knows - and now Mr. Nas apparently knows, and scientists are continuing to discover new stuff out there... So where does the barrier between what scientists know, and this god person knows actually get breached?

Scientists claim we came from apes? Actually scientist theorize and the evidence seems to support the idea that we and apes share a common ancestor, not that we evolved from Chimpanzees or anything like that. Seriously... If you're going to knock evolution, perhaps you should actually understand what it is your knocking. Hold up though, he presents his proof next...

But they lies though, that was part of our conversation

OK, so evolution is a lie... A large number of very intelligent people have investigated this thoroughly and found significant supporting evidence, but it's simply a bunch of lies. Pray tell Mr. Nas, and by what superior intellectual basis do you make this claim... I should mention at this point that the songs about his Mama... His Mommy told him that the scientists were lying.

I suspect Mommy knows this because the nice people at Church told her this. Which brings up the Galileo thing. So you talk about the great work Galileo did, which work was rejected by the Church as heresy, and yet, you accept, completely without any evidence, the notion that evolution is a lie?!? Most likely as an indirect result of it being learned from the very same religious movement which claimed Galileo was a liar.

I spark one up and start blazing

I'm thinking he's talking about lighting up something other than your average cigarette or other preferred tobacco product, and so in light of that assumption...

I guess that about explains everything now, doesn't it!

I only wish I was kidding...

Consider this quote:


The ethic of conservation is the explicit abnegation of man's dominion over the Earth. The lower species are here for our use. God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet -- it's yours. That's our job: drilling, mining and stripping. Sweaters are the anti-Biblical view. Big gas-guzzling cars with phones and CD players and wet bars -- that's the Biblical view.

OK, let's play a game... Who do you think came up with that quote, and were they serious?

Is it...

A) A completely serious conservative Christian who genuinely believes it.

B) A misquoted conservative Christian (CC), or CC who said it by mistake.

C) A liberal blogging fiend poking fun at CC's.

D) None of the above.

Actually folks, that quote comes from the same person who is responsible for my not listening to the Sean Hannity show for many years now. I used to like his show, but I turned it on one day, and some woman was going on and on about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and how it was allegiance to that God that demanded that we eradicate Islam, or something like that... And then Mr. Hannity agreed.

Ann Coulter, conservative columnist and apparently someone who believes God put us here on the earth to rape it. Ummm has the definition of rape changed?

Anyway, this is my less serious blog, so let me direct you to the source of my discovering that quote... Because it is totally real - see here.

The source is somewhat funny, although at the same time it's kinda sad.

Tea Party Jesus
The words of Christians in the mouth of Christ

Oh, and in case you were wondering... The answer was A... And it's in print, which means it was deliberate and made it through editing.

Coming to pass with exceeding soreness...

First a warning... If you are one of my active LDS readers, might I suggest you skip this post. It's nothing controversial - well, not really, but I'm not going to make any points worth debating or anything like that, and I suspect the humor may be lost on you as well. I'll try and find something to make up for it a little later today, or tomorrow.

There is a blog out there called Dwindling in Unbelief. I only discovered it a week or two back, but the dude (I'm assuming) has some funny stuff.

Recently he's been reviewing the Book of Mormon, and putting together a commentary for each chapter. One thing that has been interesting for me as my beliefs have changed, is that much of the brilliance and inspiration in the book has gone as well. I think if you read it as a holy book, perhaps that remains, but when you don't... Well, it leads to things like Mr. D.I.U's posts.

1 Nephi Chapter 1 And it came to pass exceedingly

1 Nephi Chapter 2 The incredible journey begins

1 Nephi Chapter 3 Oh my heck! We forgot the brass plates!

1 Nephi Chapter 4 Better for one man to die that a whole nation to dwindle in unbelief

1 Nephi Chapter 5 After this manner of language did they speak

1 Nephi Chapter 6 It mattereth not to me that I am particular

The Wisdom of Conan

This tweet was too good not to post out here...

ConanOBrien: Larry King’s retiring after hosting “Larry King Live” for 25 years. Personally, I think hosting anything longer than 7 months is overkill.

And then he followed it up with this not quite as funny, but still worth a laugh tweet...

ConanOBrien: I don't care where LeBron James ends up... As long as it's not at 11pm on TBS.

Suckfest Averted!

I was worried that this weekend was going to suck...

We've got a Church thing on Saturday which... Well the short version is, that it's going to suck, and suck hard.

Plus... Mrs. Koda spent most of last night up with a sick kid, and if her online diagnosis is right, it looks like we'll have that little virus around for another couple of days. Which is just great after we spent $25 for the doc to tell us that she's fine (102 degree fever) and he doesn't think there's anything wrong.

And it's my birthday this weekend, and I probably won't get myself anything, because our finances are in the crapper!

BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS NOW!!!

Folks, I stumbled across what may indeed be the funniest website of all time.

I'll post the link, but I should first warn you that it probably is not safe for work, small children or people sensitive to bad language.

All that aside, I just laughed myself silly, and about choked trying to hide my laughs from my fellow cubicle dwellers.

Happy July 4th Weekend Everyone!!!

DontEvenReply.com
Emails from an asshole

He's Back! He's Back! He's Back!!!

Mr. Deity has returned!!!

Praise his Holy Name and Hallelujah!!

OMG!!!

I just got home from the track... I did 1.5 miles barefoot and the rest in my shoes!

As I walked in, and was taking off my shoes, a news story about Immigration came on the TV.

What was reported defies any explanation, introduction or whatever else I can give it!

Here... Read...

Attorney General and LDS Latino activist call on Church to take an immigration position

First perhaps let me share my favorite quotes...

Tony Yapias, Latina activist an LDS member said...

"We know in Utah that if you're going to get anything done at the Capitol, you have to go to the Church."

I mean, we all know it's true, but I still can't believe he had the balls to say it on TV!!!

And then the bit about Mark Shurtleff...

Late Monday afternoon, the Attorney General's office confirmed that Mark Shurtleff is also calling on the LDS Church to take a position on this issue.

That's right... The Attorney F*cking General of the State of Utah, the person who is supposed to represent the interests of the people of Utah. This man, experienced in law, chief legal guy in the state of Utah, doesn't have the balls to stand up and make a decision. Either that, or he is proving to all who read that statement, that he is beholden to the leader of the LDS Church.

UTAH! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!

Soccer Fever

I've been really getting into a couple of the matches from the World Cup in South Africa. Yesterday I even skipped Church to watch the England / Germany game live... Although to be completely honest, I would have skipped church yesterday to watch the grass grow, the neighbors dog urinate on my lawn, or the clouds drift by.

There was some cool stuff in yesterdays game which I'm going to sit down and blog about later today... (Netherlands and Slovenia start in the next half hour), but I wanted to share something with you, which I thought was hilarious.

So we're watching the USA vs. Ghana game on Saturday, and the commentator says the following with respect to the goalkeeper for the US.

"... has suffered from Tourette's Syndrome for most of a his life. A great quote by him..."

To which I responded... "Mother f#*&#*@!"

Mrs. Koda was not visibly amused at all, but am I wrong here, or was that not comedic gold?!?

Anyway, which all due respect to Mr. Howard... He does appear to be a remarkable man, who has overcome much. His story was actually quite inspiring when they featured it, just prior to the game.

Anti-Depressant

The Coward We Empowered

Some one sent me a link to a new song by Eminem last week. It has nothing to do with this post, but I liked the lyrics. If you're not an Eminem fan, you may not enjoy it, and it does have some language in it which some may find offensive.



After watching that on YouTube, I saw a link to another clip call Mosh, which looked like it had some interesting imagery. The language has been censored on this on, but I think it's worth watching, even if you're not an Eminem fan.



I had some interesting thought after watching that.

Let's consider the Tea Party folks for a minute. I may have stated it before, but on a positive note, I do think that the idea behind the movement, that we need to be more engaged in the political process is a good one.

But that aside...

This video was released in 2004, and I suspect that, had most of the Tea Party folks of today seen it back then, they would have called Mr. Mathers a traitor, an anti-American and a terrorist sympathizer. Some might even have gone so far as to suggest that he be tried on charges of treason, or have his citizenship revoked.

Interestingly enough, I suspect that except for the timing, 99% of the sentiments expressed in this video would apply to the Tea Party folks. Well except for the ending...

In a video involving disillusioned members of minority groups, people who find themselves in dire circumstances and those of society to whom we'd rather not relate, you would expect that the solution would involve more violence and threats about violence... Instead the video advocates change through the process of democracy... Voting to effect change and letting your voice be heard.

Which them brings up something interesting... Some of the Tea Party folks are my age, but most are older. My exposure to them at one of their rally's, was that they tend to be older white folks... Older white folks all pissed off with the government for growing as big as it has, and for the current economic crisis.

These things they're pissed off about haven't just come about in the last couple of years either... They're things which have taken years and decades to build, and they've all been built by the politicians that these same old white folks voted into office. The Bushs, Clintons, Reagans and other leaders of the past.

A video I posted the other day, on my other blog here, made reference to Mr. Obama's campaign. It was an interesting observations which was made. Mr. Obama ran his campaign on Change. Change which was sorely needed, but a change which needed to take place within everyone who was involved. I think far too many on the left have shirked their responsibility to effect change, thinking that merely voting for the President was the extent of their engagement, and I think far too many on the right see the need for Change, but are barking up the wrong tree.

If you're one of the old white folks, and you're pissed off by the current state of affairs... How about you take a good long look in the mirror, before trying to control the future of a generation which you've already managed to screw over?

Consequences of Gay Marriage

Courtesy of RubyRose1 an MTV presenter in parts of the world I would like to live, apparently.

Conspiracy Solved

For a long time, I've wondered whether or not the events on 9/11 were either orchestrated, or allowed to unfold by members of the Bush Administration.

Today I heard perhaps the most compelling piece of evidence against that idea, courtesy of Mr. Michael Shermer.

Do you know how we know that the Bush Administration was not involved in 9/11? Because it worked!

Primerica and the Capitalist Parallel

I've ranted about Primerica before, and actually it's gotten quite a large number of hits from search engines. Usually people are looking for links between Primerica and Mormonism. I don't think there are any, other than the fact that Mormons love Multi-level marketing scams, like Primerica, and I've had a couple of people try to get me into the scam, citing that the CEO is a Mormon.... Served a couple of missions and all kinds of stuff, none of which appears to be verifiable online.

The thing that has always amused and pissed me off about Primerica flunkies, is that most of them start their sales pitch off with a discussion about how much debt they were or are in, and how they could give me a financial needs analysis and help me become financially independent.

Now, I'm definitely a long, long way from being anywhere even in the same neighborhood as financially independent, but I'm not entirely convinced I need the help of someone who is up to their eyeballs in debt in order to get there.

Which brings me too my capitalist parallel... People love to tout the benefits of capitalism, and I would agree that on paper and in principle, it does have it's merits. As an example of a realistic example, the merits of Capitalism are usually tied to the US economy, and how great it is, and how it's the proof that capitalism works.

The thing is, the US is one of the most indebted nations, if not the most indebted nation on the planet.

From where I sit... what Capitalism has done, is allowed corporations to rape not only the American people, but the country itself, and the worst part is that they still have an army of minions out there spouting forth the propaganda about how capitalism will save us... And yet, I suspect most of those spouting forth this crap will ultimately be hurt by the very ideals they're promoting.

Oil Spill

It's sad how to reality this seems to be, but if this wasn't so close to reality, it probably wouldn't be as funny.

When it comes down to it, I'd actually rather forgo the laughs.

World Cup Fever

There's a little world cup fever in the Koda household. Very little, since it's confined entirely to me. Mrs. Koda and the wee tribe of Koda kids really couldn't give two hoots.

Two funny tweets from Andy Borowitz yesterday which I felt were worthy of passing on...

England's goalkeeper told reporters he'd perform better next game, then dropped the microphone.

And this as a pick up line...

Baby, I'll stop blowing my vuvuzela if you'll blow this.

And on the subject of Vuvuzelas... Alyssa Milano, former member of my hot babe trifecta, tweeted this last week. It was actually a link to 31 things you need to know about the world cup, but the host site had certificate errors, and some of the things just weren't that funny. Actually most of them aren't, but here it is anyway... My thoughts in italics. The original is here

1 Vuvuzelas
Those big damn horns will blare everywhere: In the streets, stadiums and bathtubs, probably. Experts are already warning fans to expect hearing loss. Several groups, including Japan’s football association, have called for the stadium horn to be banned from games. FIFA has refused.

They're those things which make it sound like a massive swarm of bees is enveloping the stadium!

2 Local customs
South African tribal chiefs burned incense and slaughtered a cow outside Johannesburg’s Soccer City Stadium in order to appease spirits living there. "It is a unifying cow. We don’t want our spirits to be scared of all the different languages," said the ritual organizer.

I got to witness a ritual slaughter at a funeral once... It was very interesting!

3 Hooligans
They are already being stopped at the border, having travel visas revoked and being warned by the British government to be on their best behavior. Hooliganism has been relatively dormant on the international stage in recent years, but England’s high expectations could have blood boiling again.

4 Extremists
A radical group called the Afrikaner Resistance Movement has declared war on South Africa’s black community and warned foreigners not to attend the World Cup. That is not to mention the direct threats from Al-Qaeda, or the possibility of G20 protesters stopping in en route to Toronto.

Bloody Hell Guys!! Apartheid has been dead for almost 2 decades. Give it up already!!

5 The home crowd
No host nation has ever been eliminated in the first round, ever. Vitriolic fans carried 2002 co-host South Korea past heavily favoured Portugal, Italy and Spain en route to the semi-finals. The World Cup has been won by a team on home soil six times, so don’t discount a miracle run from 83rd-ranked South Africa.

6 Work? What work?
Workers of the world unite, in procrastination, during the World Cup. Productivity tends to drop as footie-mad staff stay home, or chew up office bandwidth by watching games online. The effect will be big in Britain, where half of polled employees admit they will be watching games daily, but also throughout Europe and North America.

7 Tricky North Korea
In an attempt to sneak an extra striker onto their 23-man roster, North Korea listed Kim Myong-Won as their third goaltender. They claimed it was an administrative error when FIFA noticed and ruled the speedy forward could only play in net during the tournament. The hermit state is holding practices under lock and key and refusing to meet with media; are there more tricks to come?

8 Tackling Tanaka
It was a tackle by Japanese defender Tulio Tanaka that fractured the arm of Ivory Coast star Didier Drogba during a friendly last week and dampened the African nation’s chances to surprise at the World Cup. Drogba is an icon in his native continent, so you can expect fans to voice their displeasure with Tanaka. Is it a coincidence that Brazil, where Tanaka was born and his family still lives, is grouped with Ivory Coast in the first round? Yes, it is.

9 Naked in the streets
FIFA protocol deems it improper for a player to remove his shirt while celebrating a goal, but that doesn’t mean the tournament will be void of precocious nudity. Argentine coach Diego Maradona has promised to run naked through the streets of Buenos Aries if his team wins the World Cup. The odds of that happening? 13-2, according to British bookmaker William Hill.

I'll refer to this one again later...

10 Dark horses
Pick one: Greece, Algeria, New Zealand or Honduras. So little is expected from them, and a small handful of others, that one will inevitably exceed expectations. A spectacular draw, an upset win or a second-round showing; at least one also-ran will go home as heroes.

11 Hot on the spot
Germany has had a glut of good fortune in games decided by penalties. In 2006, they broke a draw with Argentina in the quarters by making four straight penalty kicks. Not only have they never lost a World Cup shootout, they have only missed once (in 1982) in 17 shots.

12 Not on the spot
In 2006, England battled Portugal to a 0-0 quarter-final draw before losing 3-1 on penalties. They shouldn’t have been shocked. England has now appeared in three World Cup shootouts and dropped them all. Frank Lampard, who had his shot blocked in 2006, has vowed to break the curse.

13 The art of the dive
More than a few players - more than a few times a match - will drop to the pitch in apparent life-altering pain in a shameful attempt to lure a penalty or retain ball possession. Crowds will boo and opponents will act aghast. Until they themselves get a chance to dive, that is. It is the one thing soccer neophytes know to expect.

My personal favorite! Gotta love the dramatic flare these athletes discover out on the field.

14 The name game
Like Canada, South Africa calls the beautiful game soccer. They have their own version of football: rugby (partially explaining why the CFL has never caught on there). So chances are a fight will break out when a European fan belittles a group of South Afrikaners for this, only to be told to stuff it.

15 House of cards
A total of 373 cards - 345 yellow and 28 red - were doled out during the 2006 World Cup in Germany; a record high. Will referees rein calls in this year? That’s uncertain, although FIFA’s medical staff has given orders to clamp down on hard, potentially career-ending tackles. There were 12 serious facial injuries in 2002, and only two in Germany four years ago.

16 Miracle on Grass
In 1950, an upstart American squad made up of semi-pros pulled off a startling 1-0 upset over a dominant England. The Brits barely believed it, while America barely noticed. Expect much to be made of this game, named the Miracle on Grass, when the two teams meet again on June 12.

17 Canadian content
The most Canadian thing about these World Cups could be Steve Nash. The NBA’s two-time MVP will be reporting and shooting video for CBSSports.com. Nash was born in Johannesburg and raised in Victoria, B.C. and grew up a serious soccer fan. He is part owner of the Vancouver Whitecaps, who will join Major League Soccer in 2011, and his brother Martin is a former member of Canada’s national team.

Holy Cow! Steve Nash and I are like brothers!

18 The overdressed
The English WAGS will stick out in South Africa like the Sex and the City girls would in, well, South Africa. WAG Watch became a distracting pastime during the 2006 World Cup. England coach Fabio Capello rescinded his no-WAG policy ahead of this year’s World Cup, opening the door for Victoria Beckham and company to tart up the soccer stadiums.

Turns out that WAG refers to Wives and Girlfriends

19 The underdressed
A wonderful tradition with origins in the country’s Carnival festival, scantily clad women swaying to the Samba beat follow Brazil’s football team wherever it goes. Expect women dressed in glitter, boas and feathers. And considering the Samba Boys status as one of the favourites, expect to see plenty of them.

Alight, so if we combine 9, 18 and this one... Rather than the Brazillian coach... I personally would not mind seeing the Wags and the Samba dancers, running naked through the streets.

20 The Jabulani debate
Players have been panning the Adidas Jabulani ball, crafted for this World Cup, for its uncertain trajectory when kicked. Adidas has defended the technology, which it says will settle down at South Africa’s altitude. It is feared the ball will lead to a number of freak goals, which would inevitably lead to debate about Jabulani’s quality.

Jabulani is a Zulu name denoting happiness... Makes me smile!

21 Madiba magic
Nelson Mandela seems to have a mystical ability to will South African teams to victory. In 1995, just one year after becoming president, he attended the Rugby World Cup. South Africa beat favourite New Zealand in a win that has been credited for uniting the nation. The following year, he appeared in a South Africa soccer jersey when his team won the African Cup of Nations.

22 The new math
Swiss mathematician Roger Kaufmann has crunched the data - including current world ranking, average number of goals and team’s opponents - to determine Brazil and Spain should meet in the final. According to Kaufmann, the Brazilians (ranked No. 1 in the world) have a 15.4% chance to win the World Cup; the Spaniards (ranked No. 2) have a 15.2% chance. An equation that favours the tournament co-favourites: Who says math doesn’t work?

23 The Arrogant One
Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, the football world’s highest paid star known for his on-field dramatics, is either loved or hated for his arrogance. Alex Ferguson, Ronaldo’s former manager, has defended his attitude. "All the great players," he once said, "have a touch of what you call 'nice arrogance' a belief in themselves." Ronaldo certainly has that. After not scoring for Portugal during World Cup qualifying, he said he was saving his goals for when they count.

24 Blues for Les Bleus
France has had little to cheer about recently, with many observers marking them as ripe for an early upset. They lost to China in their final warmup for the tournament, and midfielder Florent Malouda said his team would be "embarrassing" at the World Cup. This all comes after the French needed an uncalled handball from Thierry Henry to advance to South Africa.

25 The Golden Boot
Spain’s David Villa, who 37 goals in 56 games with his national teams, is the near-unanimous pick to score the most goals at the World Cup. William Hill has him at 8-1, Ladbrokes at 9-1. Argentina’s Lionel Messi, is the second choice of both bookmakers. Brazil’s Luis Fabiano is backing either Villa or England’s Wayne Rooney. But the Brazilian might have thrown his own name in there. Both books have him at 12-1.

26 Ache and heartache
An all-star team of talent has been sidelined by injuries, leaving many teams awkwardly filling roster spots. Ivory Coast’s Didier Drogba may play, but Germany’s captain Michael Ballack will not. Nor will David Beckham or defender Rio Ferdinand. The New York Times’ Jeffrey Marcus blames the long and gruelling English Premier League schedule.

27 Girls! Girls! Girls!
South African brothels are reportedly increasing their cover charges - and roster numbers - in anticipation of a rush of business. Past host countries have anticipated an increased prevalence of prostitution during the event, although the surge in 2006 was not as high as Germany expected. World Cup organizers say up to 40,000 prostitutes were recruited ahead of the games, while health groups are warning visitors about the high level of Aids and HIV in the country.

There is a dark side to this final one as well... In addition to prostitution, there also appears to be a significant problem with human trafficking in South Africa (As with the rest of the world) and this has increased with the world cup as well. More here...

And as far as I'm concerned... It's soccer and having lived in the US as long as I have... favourite just looks wrong with the extra u.

Huh?!

I just don't get it when people complain about the horrendous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and then segway into a rant about how we have too much government regulation...

Stepping Back...

No - don't worry, I'm not going anywhere!!

It seems like there were some issues with my new blog, and so I've decided to try and get those 100% resolved, before doing an official cut-over to it. I'm going to keep them both in sync for the next little while, while I work those bugs, kinks and other things out, and then I still need to determine if it is indeed the right move to make.

I like the idea of having more control over my content and the layout of my blog, but with that control comes the need for more maintenance, and administrative type stuff.

Oh, decisions, decisions!!

My Fathers Day Non-List

I've been trying to play the whole Fathers thing down this year. No suggestions of what I want, or anything like that.

On the radio this morning however, there was an ad for a new CD/DVD package being put out by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to celebrate their 100 years of recording or broadcasting or something like that. It was heralded as something which every music lover would want, and then a plug for Fathers Day...

Now, I am a music lover, but in case the smokin' hot Mrs. Koda is reading, or any of her friends who might like to pass the message on to her....

I DO NOT WANT THE NEW MO TAB COLLECTION FOR FATHERS DAY!!

Official Cutover

OK Folks, I still don't have the blogroll working, but I think it's time to cut over to the new blog.

The new address is:

http://urbankoda.com.

If you have any problems getting there, please feel free to email me at urban @ urbankoda . com

A Simple Hymn

I tried wooing the beautiful Mrs. Koda with this sweet hymn last night.

Now, sisters, list to what I say:
With trials this world is rife,
You can't expect to miss them all,
Help husband get a wife!

Now, this advice I freely give,
If exalted you would be,
Remember that your husband must
Be blessed with more than thee.

Then, O, let us say,
God bless the wife that strives
And aids her husband all she can
T' obtain a dozen wives.

I'll be completely honest here... The idea of polygamy used to excite me, and there was something in my patriarchal blessing that seemed to indicate that I might be part of it's return at some point in my life. Sure I could talk about all the spiritual reasons why I wanted it, but the bottom line is... I'm a man with raging hormones and a healthy appreciation for the ladies...

OK, so I didn't exactly sing that to Mrs Koda, but we did have a good laugh over it!

Delta Airlines

Seems like today's theme is leveraging the web to support the cause of justice.

I haven't flown with my bike yet... But if I even do, it won't be on Delta Airlines.

Please share this video on your blog/Facebook or whatever, and if you want to donate to the cause:

Tri & Give a Dam

My Evil Tan

This is the humorous post for the day. I have another below this about the oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, which is significantly longer and more serious.

I found this great quote over the weekend on a website which I frequent:

In 1857, Brigham Young declared that apostates would "become gray-haired, wrinkled, and black, just like the Devil" (Journal of Discourse 5:332).

I was taught a whole bunch of crap like this as a kid, although I think the Church has mellowed out a little in recent years. I was also taught that when a person is baptized, their DNA is actually changed to make them literal members of the House of Israel. Perhaps it's things like this that will ensure that Science and Religion will never see eye to eye, since Religion seems to have a serious aversion to reality and truth.

Anyway... I'm pretty much an apostate Mormon, and if I lived in Mr. Young's time, he would also have like to have seen my throat slit for becoming such.

The thing is that up until a couple of years ago, I was the most devout, committed Mormon I could be. Sure I was filled with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, but that's just the way good Mormons are supposed to feel. It helps us stay humble or something.

The thing is, I got my first gray hair when I was 18, and now, I've got quite the salt and pepper thing going. Did my body know that I was eventually going to leave anyway, and it just started graying early because of it?

I've also been outdoors a lot more lately too, and my skin has gotten significantly darker. Actually I've got a couple of different tan lines, based on the style of clothing I've been wearing too. My involvement in triathlons has been completely independent of my disaffection from Mormonism, and it would seem that is the primary reason for my darker skin... Or has it been independent...

I guess at the end of the day, it comes down to this...

Either my gray hair and nicely tanned skin are a result of my impending and now current apostasy, in which case the reasons for such are purely coincidental,

OR

Mr Young was full of shit.

I think we all the the right answer to that question, don't we!