Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Sex with a Tree

I had sex with a tree on Monday.

Don't worry, it's nothing disgusting, at least, I don't think it is...

I was mowing the lawn, and on the south side of our house is a pine tree which stands perhaps 12 feet tall. I don't think it was planted very well, since the trunk comes out of the ground at an angle, and it's in an awkward spot. Mrs Koda and I have discussed removing the tree in question, moving the fence towards the street by about 20 feet and putting a playground for the kiddies in it's place, but that requires financial commitments which we are not able to make at this point.

Anyway, so we have the pine tree, and there I am mowing the lawn. The branches are low, necessitating much maneuvering and what not to get around them. As I pushed to mower under one of the lower limbs, it set the limbs above it shaking, and from the buds on the ends of each of the lesser branches, at the end of those limbs, was emitted a cloud of pollen.

Pollen is how these trees fertilize each other, and thus grow seed from which to produce the next generation of trees, and here I was covered in the pollen of our pine tree.

So, in a manner of speaking, the tree attempted sex with me. Not just normal sex, but gay sex, since we're both apparently male. I should be flattered, but I don't think the tree cares.

Of course putting it all into perspective, I'm rather glad to be a human, since I think we get far more enjoyment from sex.

And on that subject, Mrs. Koda urged me last night to inform my readers that it would appear my MoJo has returned. Since I'm still on the antibiotics, we can rule those out, which only leaves the pain meds, or my original assertion that perhaps it was simply lack of use...


  1. Good thing you have stepped away from the church. Polygamy, same sex marriage...these things they have answers for. Agricultural fornication may be a new arena for them.

  2. Glad to hear about your MoJo. Both pain and meds are definitely a factor in that department, I have found.