My First Real Girlfriend

This may seem like an odd topic, but it's necessary in order to provide background for my next post...

My entry into the dating world was an interesting one, not unlike a new baby bird trying to learn how to fly and ending up in a ball of disheveled feathers and dust at the base of a tree.

No-one ever told me how to date, none of my friends really dated, and so it was up to me to figure things out on my own.

The first girl I was kind of hooked up with came about by mistake. We were good friends. Helped each other out with home work, worked on group assignment together, traded letters and that kind of thing. Since I had recently turned 16 - approved dating age for good little Mormon boys, I thought that perhaps a date might be fun... So I sent her a letter and made a comment about us needing to go and see a movie together sometime. I should add that this was during the last week of summer break or something... My intent was just a fun evening out and then to see how things went from there.

I'm not sure how or why, by somehow I arrived at school the next week and the class was buzzing with the talk that me and AB were a couple... She was sick the first few days, and I remember thinking... Oh well - I guess that's how you ask a girl out.

It was an interesting romance, she being far more into it than I. She was adamant that her boobs were off limits, which was fine with me... I had no idea how you could even approach the subject of touching intimate area's of a member of the opposite sex without having an ice breaker like marriage to start the conversation. I did grab a boob once, but it was a complete mistake on my part - although I don't think she believed me.

Three months later, I called it off - on the phone, like a true coward, and things kind of went south from there... In addition to not learning how to date girls, I'd also never learned that it was OK to disagree and remain friends. For me, it was a scorched earth policy all the way.

The next opportunity came 6 months later. It was the sister of my best friend. I asked his permission, and then launched what I hoped would be a budding romance with what I felt was the key phrase in getting a girl to go steady with you...

"So, you wanna go and see a movie sometime?"

AV assented, and despite apparently liking me to, we went on the worst date in the history of the world. I think we said 10 words to each other through the entire thing. I did offer to pay for her milkshake, which she declined, and then we went and saw Best of the Best II.

Nothing ever happened with her after that... Which was kind of a bummer.

Then we move to New Zealand. I was almost 18, had left the old shy me behind, and was determined to do it right!

The first day of school, BM caught my eye. Cute smile, not too bad of a body and long straight blonde hair!! It took a couple of months, but after a school trip together, and lots of walking home together chatting, I finally plucked up the nerve to ask her out.

I should probably add that I was still a good little Mormon boy at this time, and I'd heard rumor that she was kind of a 'fun' girl. Perhaps if I had been a really good Mormon boy, I would have picked someone else, but at the same time... The forbidden waters seemed to hold some kind of allure!

I walked her home one day, and as she let me out the back door of her house, to cut through the woods to my street, I finally plucked up the courage and spat it out...

"So, do you wanna go out with me?"

Awkward silence, and then the next thing I knew she was on me, and sticking her tongue down my throat.... OOOOOOOH YEAH!!!

It turns out that she'd had a huge crush on a South African Exchange student the prior school year, and I'd taken his place in a couple of things, including her attention!

It was awesome!!! I think we were together about 3 or 4 months before she dumped me. The last month did kinda suck, but I'll get to that in a sec.

Her sister lived in downtown Wellington, and one Saturday we headed into town to visit her. We stopped at a candy shop on the way, and she purchased a couple of blocks of Baileys Cream fudge... Oh MY GOODNESS - BEST FUDGE EVER!!!

Anyway - I found out later what Baileys was, and I'll get to that in a sec too.

About a month into the relationship, we were at her house one evening, all alone, and she brought up a rather 'fun' activity we could engage in. Here's the sucky part... I knew she was into that kind of fun, and it was part of what attracted me to her, but then it was offered, and I turned into a blabbering idiot... Ummmmmm...

Anyway we didn't and things kind of went south from there. There were some interesting things which happened between us though, which I'll share another time, they're related to telepathy and that kind of thing - pretty cool stuff, but back to the last month.

Two important things at this juncture...

1. She was a pretty heavy drinker before I met her, which was interesting because with my Mormony background, one drink equals person becomes raging alcoholic and is lost forever.

2. When things started to head South, we were less than a month away from the Senior Formal. Senior Prom, but for Kiwi's.

Somehow in my mind, I thought that prom might be the spark that brought our relationship back on track, because, traditionally after prom - it's a good time for more fun!!

Anyway prom came, and she didn't really want much to do with me, we went together, ended up at the same after party together, but the chemistry was gone. I ended up walking home at 2 or 3 in the morning feeling pretty depressed and disillusioned with life.

The next day, a whole group of us seniors flew down to Christchurch for a Geography field trip. It was a great trip, and ended up being the 4th or 5th year in a row that I was away from home on my birthday. She took good care of me though, got me a CD I really wanted, and then organized a surprise party for me at a local bar. I was turned 18, but as far as the bar was concerned, it was my 21st birthday, so my "21" year old friends could drink and what not.

The party was nice, until dessert arrived. All my school mates had chipped in some money and gotten me dessert. It was Ice-cream swimming in a sea of Kahlua... It was probably fine, but me, being good little Mormon boy wouldn't touch it. I also refused Brandy Snaps at a party a few months later - IDIOT!!

My friends were mostly understanding, especially those who helped themselves, but BM was pretty pissed... She brought up that I was fine eating the Baileys fudge, and how was this anything different... Wait... what?!? Baileys fudge was made with an alcoholic beverage.... ARGHH!

We ended up at the bar, and BM ordered a brain cell. It was the coolest shot I've ever seen. Archers Peach Schnapps, into which the bartender placed Bailey's Cream with a twirly string to the bottom of the glass, and then two bulbs up the top. Into the bulbs he then dripped raspberry cordial, and then end result was a drink which looked just like a brain suspended in the schnapps. BM drank is slowly, and then ordered another shot of straight schnapps. I was feeling really crappy by this point, and as she finished it, she placed her finger in the glass, picked up a few drops of the pale orange liquid, and then placed it in my mouth.

I don't really remember how it tasted, but I remember just feeling numb and feeling that if I didn't do something I'd lose her forever - My soul mate!!! Sometime later, my good friend Kimmy got me out on the street and talked some sense into me. There I was a blubbering idiot - "If I have to start drinking to keep her, I guess I just have to", and she fortunately managed to convince me that if that's what I had to do, it wasn't worth it. I suspect she knew things were over anyway.

The rest of the trip was miserable. Most of the kids flew home, and I ended up with my own room at the YMCA... BM wouldn't even step foot in it, and spent the last two nights, out drinking with her friend. They'd come back in the wee hours of the morning, laughing about the guys they'd been drinking with, and then she'd suck up to me and beg me to wake her up the morning so she could make it to some activity her, and the friend had planned, but which I couldn't afford.

A week later, after we got back home, BM dumped me... She was pretty viscous about it too, telling me that she'd been trying to get me to break it up for a month or two, but that I was too stupid to take a hint.

It sucked and it hurt, and it took a long time to get over, but there were valuable lessons learned about life and love.

And there you have the story of my first real girlfriend.