Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I don't have much humorous to share today, so perhaps let me share with you the details of my experiences with OOOOORRRRRLANDO! I posted this on my fitness blog, and that linked itself over to Facebook, so for those who a linked into both, this will be the third time you see this... Perhaps once I'm done I'll have to find something else funny to share...

Those of you who follow me on Facebook, already know that Friday night was rather interesting. Those of you who don’t… Let me assure you that it was!

Friday Night, July 3rd, and for my international followers, the eve of Independence Day in the US. It’s a day of picnics, family, sun and fun, but most importantly - at least if you ask my kids - we get to light off fireworks!!

The law restricts fireworks in our area to 5 days before and 5 days following a ‘Firework’ holiday - like July 4th or New Years, and so after getting bankrupted by the cute Cheerleaders of Syracuse High at the TNT Firework tent, we returned home on Friday afternoon, and got ready for the nights activities.

“Dad, can we do fireworks yet?”


“Dad, can we do fireworks yet?”


“Dad, can we do fireworks yet?”


I would continue, but, you get the general idea.

Finally around 10:30pm it was dark enough, and so we headed outside.

After the first couple of bangs and whizzes, there came a yell from our neighbors house… Something about “ don’t you dare do this to me!!!”

Now I don’t know about you, but domestic disputes make me uncomfortable. And we figured this was one of those - nothing serious, just your average ‘run of the mill’ episode of marital discord.

“Whiz!” “Bang”

A minute or 2 later, a kid comes flying out of the house to another neighbors house screaming…


He bangs on the door, and as it opens screams something about “My dad’s not breathing and there’s blood coming out of his mouth!!”. A couple of people came running out of the house, and next thing I know, my wife has grabbed my little girl from me and is rather forcefully telling me to do something…

I flew inside, grabbed the phone, and dialled 911 while flying back outside. The operator answered and I tried to tell her what was going on - all the while gasping for breath. In my haste, I had grabbed the phone with the crappy reception, and after a trying to tell the operator a couple of times I ran inside for better reception. Finally got it out, and was told that the wife of the neighbor in question was already on the phone.

The next part was tricky… A few minutes later, a police cruiser pulled up, followed by an ambulance and a huge fire truck. A small crowd started to gather, and we were kind of a loss as to what to do…

Our problem is that we don’t know our neighbors very well… Not that we’re hermits - well, maybe we are a little, but we just don’t have much in common with them, and we’re kind of the new kids on the block too, only having lived there a year or two. Most of our neighbors have been there for 10 or more years, so….

We figured things were under control, and didn’t really want to be the neighbors who stand around staring as another family undergoes a crisis. It also didn’t seem right to continue with the fireworks, so we headed inside.

My kids were pretty freaked out by all of this as well… From the oldest down to the youngest, so it took a while to settle them down and get them to bed.

Not wanting to share too much about what happened - just for privacy’s sake… It turns out that the neighbor in question had a seizure, and in the process of which had injured his mouth. If you have ever experienced a mouth injury, or a facial injury, you know they bleed horribly. When it subsided, his body, completely spent from the seizure, relaxed and he lay on the floor, effectively unconscious. The combination of blood + lack of movement understandably freaked everyone in his family out, but the good news is that after some tests, he was released, and appears to be on his way to a full recovery.

Finally around midnight, the wife and I were able to get to bed, and after a while both fell asleep.

2:55am - Wake up to the phone ringing.

Phone calls in the middle of the night are never good.

Not recognizing the name on the caller id - Digital Service or something… I answer and am greeted with an automated system.

It turns out it was a free call from the Weber County Jail. Weber County is the next county north of us. It was a free call for Orlando. Now with these systems, the person gets to say their own name, so you have automated lady voice “…free call for ” and then Orlando gets to say his name. It wasn’t just Orlando though… It was OOORRLANDO. The dude sounded like quite the stud.

After listening to part of the legal stuff about the call being recorded for security reasons and all of that, I just hung up.

A couple of years back, we started getting a lot of calls for an hispanic lady - Rosa was her name if memory serves correctly. I’m guessing her number is close to ours, or she gives out our number (unknowingly of course) to suitors whom she deems not worthy of her time. Either way, we haven’t had one for a while, but I’m guessing that is what happened.

Still on edge with the neighborhood incident a couple of hours prior, and then being woken up by OOORRRLANDO! it took a while to get back to sleep.

3:50 - The phone rings again. Caller ID says it’s Steve Rico or something… Don’t know him, and just assume it’s one of OOORRRLANDO’s partners in crime or something. Answer/Hangup. #(*&*$@*&$(*#

4:30 - 2 year old son comes in crying about wanting a drink and needing to pee. He still wears diapers, and so I was all “Dude - just do it in the diaper! Don’t give me problems!!” At this point I picked him up, to take him back to bed and get him a drink, and then realize that the kid has soaked himself with pee from head to foot. Ewwwww!!!

Anyway, 10 minutes later, he has a new diaper, a quick once over mini wipe bath and some fresh PJ’s. He’s also back in bed and sucking away happily on his drink - no doubt needing to rehydrate himself…

It was after 9 the next day when we finally woke up - hoping for a better day, which it was!

1 comment:

  1. I am sooooo glad I don't have children - piddle problems in the middle of the night, icky!