Wednesday, June 18, 2008

World Improvement

I'd like to think that once I pass on from this life that I will have left a positive influence in my wake. In light of that goal, I should like to suggest some ideas that might help our society. Let me apologize in advance for the first, it may come out a little graphic, but some things just need to be said...

1. I have read numerous funny emails and blog postings about have to take care of #2 at work. Personally I'm still not comfortable doing it, nor do I think I will ever become the confident person who strides into the rest room with a newspaper under one arm and loudly talking to someone on his cell phone. Just for the record if you are that person and I happen to be in the restroom - I will make a point of flushing as often as possible, so the person you are speaking with knows where you are.

The point I would like to raise today has to do with the expulsion of gas once you get into the restroom and how you follow it up. I'm sure we've all been bloated at some point in our lives, and I for one fully admit that when you feel that way, there is a certain amount of relief that comes when you are finally able to release it.

However, if you happen to find yourself in a public restroom, and have been suffering from a bloated stomach for sometime, please do not follow the barrage of gas and other little projectiles into the water below with a good loud sigh and a hearty "Oooooh Yes!!!!"

If you're home alone, by all means, say what you feel, fart as loud as possible and whatever else you feel inclined to do, but please exercise some restraint in public, especially when I'm changing into my running gear just a few feet away. I would just rather not know.

2. And this one seems somewhat petty compared to the first... Guys without shirts... It you are at the beach and walking down to the surf, then by all means, take the shirt off. If you're running, or otherwise exercising and have a little bit of a tan and some muscle tone, then I think I'm OK with the shirt being removed, but seriously, if you and your alabaster white middle-aged friend with the matching beer belly and ample girth are taking a stroll around the park on your lunch break. Removing your shirt, just is not an option. I for one do not want to see rolls of super white skin covering the top of your dress pants.

Sadly I have had personal experience with both of these in the last 24 hours.


  1. Awesome post, Koda. I think I may have received the same email about issue #1. So you're telling me you're not an Uncle Todd?

    Personally, when nature calls I head up to the third floor, where I know mostly women work and there's an extra stall.

    The worst is when somebody's in the stall typing away on their laptop...and you're the tech support guy that's going to have to fix that laptop next time it crashes.

  2. Whend needs must, close your eyes or hum a happy tune to yourself.