And Now for Somthing Really Offensive!

So I had this thought while I was swimming yesterday. Swimming is a great way to think. The only thing better I've found is trail running, but that's because if you lose focus on your breathing when you're trail running, you don't choke yourself of chlorine and likely urine enriched water.

Now, just to warn you all... This is going to offend people who lean right. You can get offended and offer an opposing view in the comments, but please don't start bitching and whining about stereotypes and then progressing toward bad language when I ask you to back up your opinion. Since this is my blog, my opinion rules, and the burden of proof rests upon you... Or something like that...

So I work with a guy, who likes to refer to himself as a free market capitalist. He's a nice enough guy, and I think if I needed help, he would likely be willing.

I've seen him make some big purchases lately, and I've noticed something... All that matters to him is price and value.

Now I'm not exactly unlike that. I like getting value for my money as much as the next guy, but I will differ from him slightly if there are extenuating circumstances...

If I want to purchase a product and I find out that along with the best value for money, my product is also responsible for child labor in China, or helps fund war efforts in Africa, I will make it a point to go somewhere else or go without.

I fully suspect that my co-worker will ignore these details because to him there are irrelevant. He believes the market should speak for himself, and as far as any resultant moral responsibility, that probably belongs to those who are first in line perpetrating the crimes.

Now I don't know this for sure, but my interactions with him lead me to believe that this is the case. As further evidence, I cite myself, a former free market capitalist and a person who would likely have done the same thing.

So where do capitalist and the rest of us differ? I don't think socialist, liberals, communists, or any other group would like to deprive themselves, and if we could better our situation I think all of us would.

I think the difference lie in the moral expense of our decisions and this is where I'm going to make the generalization.

In general, most capitalists worry only about the sticker price, return on investment and cost to them when considering a purchase or other financial based decision.

I suspect the rest of us, if aware of extenuating circumstances would like consider the other costs as well - moral, environmental and all of that.

I think it ties in with the post I did a few weeks back regarding a certain Conservative Christians opinion that God put us here to rape the earth. I think many of the Free Market Capitalist folks are likely the Conservative Christian types as well, and they've been endowed with an incredible sense of entitlement, and as long as I get what I want, screw the rest of the planet...

Now, they won't admit that, and they'll likely cite their God, Jesus of Nazareth in their defense - plus they give all that money to their Church, and that's charity because it says so on their tax forms. But the funny thing is that Jesus wasn't a Capitalist, in fact, I suspect Jesus would have been an almost pure democratic socialist these days.

On Being an Offensive Pratt!

I had a thought for a blog post this morning. It's something I've observed and is one of those thoughts where I generalize and would likely get a lot of nasty blog comments from my right leaning readers - assuming I still have any!

But I've decided to postpone the sharing of the aforementioned offensive and generalized observation in lieu of something which I think is better.

Some weeks or perhaps months ago, my good friend from the land of Oz, Ms. Morgan Mouse, retweeted something hilarious by a guy called Mark Morford. I don't know much about Mr. Morford, but having followed him since that time, he would appear to be a columnist with similar leanings to myself and a gift for making witty comments on occasion.

So, first and foremost... Thanks Ms. Mouse turning me on to a good resource.

This morning, Mr. Morford tweeted a link to an article he has written called, 10 amazing truths you already suspected (Volume 5). They're all good points, but I would like to focus solely on the first...

Actually I think his words do a better job than mine, so without further ado, here's item #1 on the 10 amazing truths list:

I know what you're thinking: In these times of acrimony and divisiveness, is it still possible to find peaceful consensus? Can any group of educated individuals ever agree on anything worthwhile, besides Blue Bottle Coffee, the Fiat 500 and grilled sausages in summertime?

Good news: They totally can! Watch in awe as every one of the country's 238 respected presidential scholars recently agreed, without the slightest doubt or hesitation and despite all their varying backgrounds, ages, political affiliations, heights and weights and hairstyles, that George W. Bush really is the worst president in modern history, and the 5th worst of all time. Wonders!

I've been tempted to post the link to the study on Facebook too, but I have too many idiot friends over there who think the sun still shines out of Bush's ass and that Palin should be the next president. I just don't want to hear their lousy refudiations of it.

Happy Birthday!

Since I have neither the body, nor the voice to pull something like that off...

I just added my name to a birthday card that the Obamas are giving the President for his 49th birthday on Wednesday, August 4th.

Can you join me?

It’s a great way to help make it a memorable birthday for him, and to show we’re ready to stand alongside him, fighting for change in the year ahead.

http://my.barackobama.com/barackbirthday-inv

Thanks,

Urban Koda

It had to be this song...

Occasionally I'll listen to music at work. I work in a cubicle, so to avoid annoying, or worse, offending my co-workers, I have a nice set of headphones I plug in, and off I go.

As an additional piece of information to setup for this story... I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning, and the last song was one I hadn't heard before. Turns out it was "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3. The lyric which caught my attention was "Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips."



It kind of reminded another song. Jane Fonda by Mickey Avalon.

Anyway, so that song - the Jane Fonda one has kind of been on my mind today. I got my computer all logged in early today, got the headphones plugged in and I was good to go. The sounds quality has been kind of iffy all day, although since I didn't have my headphones on much it didn't seem like a big deal.

Then I went running over lunch, got back, finally dried off, and settled in for some solid code debugging. I figured it was time to crank the tunes up. Found the Jane Fonda song on YouTube - Not the clean version either and proceeded to listen.

About 2 minutes into the song, I feel a tap on my shoulder, and my co-worker informs me that she can hear my music.

It turns out that the headphone plug didn't fully engage this morning. Which explains the lousy sound quality among other things.

Unfortunately 2 minutes into the song is enough time for the following gem to broadcast to all my co-workers...

"If you were lucky, licky, licky, sucky, sucky. Mickey, Mickey, F*ck me, F*ck me."

That's just one groovy line, amongst a whole host of others.

I was sweating prior to being told that my speakers were blaring the soulful lyrics of Mickey Avalon, but this little discovery upped the amount of sweat quite considerably!!

DOOOOOH!

Hot Out?

Smelling the Roses

I've been a little scarce of late. Don't worry, I'll be back soon, I'm just taking a while to smell the roses. We've been trying a couple new things of late.

One of them is that we've started eating dinner together as a family every night - and not just that, but we've been doing it at the table as well. Our oldest son calls it 'Fancy Dinner'. They all seem to like it, so I think we'll keep it going.

Other than that, things in the Koda household are going as well as can be expected with 5 kids.

I'll be back soon!

Avoidance

I've been trying to avoid morning meetings over the past week or so, and I'm likely to do so for the next couple of weeks too.

You see Le Tour is on, and since I don't have Versus included in my satellite subscription, I need to watch it online, and since it's in France, it's on while I'm at work in the mornings.

Now, don't worry, I'm still working, I just have the audio on in my headphones and the small video up on the corner of my screen.

Aside from the racing, I like watching some of the great French scenery, and some of the stuff which the fans do.

I snagged this screen shot this morning. It was put together by a group of farmers and featured a high power hose coming out of the wine bottle.

AWESOMENESS!!!

Stress

"Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there.'"

~Eckhart Tolle

Ain't that the truth!

An Apology

Found the video below over on Swearing Elders.

Now in my defense... I hated door knocking, and I would generally do anything I could to avoid it. When I was compelled to however, as soon as I could tell the person wasn't interested, I would back right down. I also don't know if I ever engaged in door-knocking or tracting before noon.

Since there is no way to go back and apologize to anyone I annoyed by knocking on their door - unless of course I head back overseas and knock on their doors as well, I thought instead that I would issue a global apology.

If Umfundisi Koda ever knocked on your door... I humbly apologize for the intrusion into your lives.

Dude, you missed something...

Sometimes when I run I listen to music - generally just when I'm running laps around the track though. I listen to a bunch of stuff from hard rock to techno, hip hop to pop. Recently I've been listening to Mash-ups a lot, and a set of lyrics which struck me as odd, have been in my mind recently.

I believe the artist of the original song was a guy who goes by the name Nas, and then song is entitled Dance.

Here are the lyrics in question...

The galaxy is so enchanting beyond, Galileo's understanding
Past the milky way and all the planets
There's something out there greater
But only god knows, scientist claim we came from apes
But they lies though, that was part of our conversation
I spark one up and start blazing

OK, lets look at the first part...

The galaxy is so enchanting beyond, Galileo's understanding.

I'm liking this so far, and I like Galileo. The thing with Galileo, is that he was persecuted by religion for contradicting their teachings.

Past the milky way and all the planets

Yes, milky way and planets... I'm wondering if he knows that the Milky Way is actually the galaxy to which he seemed to be referring in that first line.

There's something out there greater

OK, possibly... Some might call this God, or some might just consider this the universe beyond our galaxy.

But only god knows, scientist claim we came from apes

OK, only god knows what? That there is something outside our galaxy? Or is it only god that knows there's something greater? Does only god know god exists, in which case how do we know that god knows he exists. Or something greater... Galileo discovered something greater, so now he knows - and now Mr. Nas apparently knows, and scientists are continuing to discover new stuff out there... So where does the barrier between what scientists know, and this god person knows actually get breached?

Scientists claim we came from apes? Actually scientist theorize and the evidence seems to support the idea that we and apes share a common ancestor, not that we evolved from Chimpanzees or anything like that. Seriously... If you're going to knock evolution, perhaps you should actually understand what it is your knocking. Hold up though, he presents his proof next...

But they lies though, that was part of our conversation

OK, so evolution is a lie... A large number of very intelligent people have investigated this thoroughly and found significant supporting evidence, but it's simply a bunch of lies. Pray tell Mr. Nas, and by what superior intellectual basis do you make this claim... I should mention at this point that the songs about his Mama... His Mommy told him that the scientists were lying.

I suspect Mommy knows this because the nice people at Church told her this. Which brings up the Galileo thing. So you talk about the great work Galileo did, which work was rejected by the Church as heresy, and yet, you accept, completely without any evidence, the notion that evolution is a lie?!? Most likely as an indirect result of it being learned from the very same religious movement which claimed Galileo was a liar.

I spark one up and start blazing

I'm thinking he's talking about lighting up something other than your average cigarette or other preferred tobacco product, and so in light of that assumption...

I guess that about explains everything now, doesn't it!

I only wish I was kidding...

Consider this quote:


The ethic of conservation is the explicit abnegation of man's dominion over the Earth. The lower species are here for our use. God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet -- it's yours. That's our job: drilling, mining and stripping. Sweaters are the anti-Biblical view. Big gas-guzzling cars with phones and CD players and wet bars -- that's the Biblical view.

OK, let's play a game... Who do you think came up with that quote, and were they serious?

Is it...

A) A completely serious conservative Christian who genuinely believes it.

B) A misquoted conservative Christian (CC), or CC who said it by mistake.

C) A liberal blogging fiend poking fun at CC's.

D) None of the above.

Actually folks, that quote comes from the same person who is responsible for my not listening to the Sean Hannity show for many years now. I used to like his show, but I turned it on one day, and some woman was going on and on about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and how it was allegiance to that God that demanded that we eradicate Islam, or something like that... And then Mr. Hannity agreed.

Ann Coulter, conservative columnist and apparently someone who believes God put us here on the earth to rape it. Ummm has the definition of rape changed?

Anyway, this is my less serious blog, so let me direct you to the source of my discovering that quote... Because it is totally real - see here.

The source is somewhat funny, although at the same time it's kinda sad.

Tea Party Jesus
The words of Christians in the mouth of Christ

Oh, and in case you were wondering... The answer was A... And it's in print, which means it was deliberate and made it through editing.

Coming to pass with exceeding soreness...

First a warning... If you are one of my active LDS readers, might I suggest you skip this post. It's nothing controversial - well, not really, but I'm not going to make any points worth debating or anything like that, and I suspect the humor may be lost on you as well. I'll try and find something to make up for it a little later today, or tomorrow.

There is a blog out there called Dwindling in Unbelief. I only discovered it a week or two back, but the dude (I'm assuming) has some funny stuff.

Recently he's been reviewing the Book of Mormon, and putting together a commentary for each chapter. One thing that has been interesting for me as my beliefs have changed, is that much of the brilliance and inspiration in the book has gone as well. I think if you read it as a holy book, perhaps that remains, but when you don't... Well, it leads to things like Mr. D.I.U's posts.

1 Nephi Chapter 1 And it came to pass exceedingly

1 Nephi Chapter 2 The incredible journey begins

1 Nephi Chapter 3 Oh my heck! We forgot the brass plates!

1 Nephi Chapter 4 Better for one man to die that a whole nation to dwindle in unbelief

1 Nephi Chapter 5 After this manner of language did they speak

1 Nephi Chapter 6 It mattereth not to me that I am particular

The Wisdom of Conan

This tweet was too good not to post out here...

ConanOBrien: Larry King’s retiring after hosting “Larry King Live” for 25 years. Personally, I think hosting anything longer than 7 months is overkill.

And then he followed it up with this not quite as funny, but still worth a laugh tweet...

ConanOBrien: I don't care where LeBron James ends up... As long as it's not at 11pm on TBS.

Suckfest Averted!

I was worried that this weekend was going to suck...

We've got a Church thing on Saturday which... Well the short version is, that it's going to suck, and suck hard.

Plus... Mrs. Koda spent most of last night up with a sick kid, and if her online diagnosis is right, it looks like we'll have that little virus around for another couple of days. Which is just great after we spent $25 for the doc to tell us that she's fine (102 degree fever) and he doesn't think there's anything wrong.

And it's my birthday this weekend, and I probably won't get myself anything, because our finances are in the crapper!

BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS NOW!!!

Folks, I stumbled across what may indeed be the funniest website of all time.

I'll post the link, but I should first warn you that it probably is not safe for work, small children or people sensitive to bad language.

All that aside, I just laughed myself silly, and about choked trying to hide my laughs from my fellow cubicle dwellers.

Happy July 4th Weekend Everyone!!!

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